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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"She doesn't want to lie down" Aibu to think you bloody get up with him then

156 replies

Rantymop · 22/10/2014 06:53

7 month ds has started waking up a lot in the night. Dont know why.

It's always been me who gets up as my husband works and is therefore too busy and important to be tired.

Last night baby in bed at 7,woke at 11pm - 11.30, 1.30 - 4 and then at 6, I am up for the day now.

Each time I have come into the living room so h can sleep.

The baby wakes at 6 and I am exhausted. Bring him in bed as that sometimes works and h says "he doesn't want to lie down".

I'm on my knees here. I keep telling him I need him to do more. But he WORKS.

OP posts:
Aherdofmims · 22/10/2014 16:22

He is barking if he thinks you are having another!

KlokkenVin · 22/10/2014 16:27

Please make sure another pregnancy doesn't happen. You know what, he's very content isn't he? He gets the benefits of a family with none of the sacrifices such as housework, childcare, compromise....

Thumbwitch · 22/10/2014 16:29

Ranty - your H is a prick. A selfish bastard of a prick. Frankly I think you'd do better without him around. :(

KlokkenVin · 22/10/2014 16:30

Have you read Lundy Bancroft's book "why does he do that?". it really makes you see that they aren't tortured individuals who don't realise how selfish they are. They realise quite well but the current status quo suits them perfectly and why would they mess with that? Why start doing the washing up or helping out?! why why why?

Aherdofmims · 22/10/2014 16:47

KlokkenVin - that is the reason that I never take the bins out - because if I do it once I will be expected to do it again!

TarkaTheOtter · 22/10/2014 16:57

I try to make sure DH gets 8hrs because he doesn't deal very well when his sleep is disturbed. He often sleeps in the spare room to make sure he is not disturbed.

BUT because of that when our dc are sleeping badly (which is a lot ATM) he both gets up early during the week (from 6am) and I get to catch up on sleep at the weekend even if it means lying in both days. We play to our strengths/weaknesses. I hate early starts, he hates broken nights. We are a team.

Ditto he has a high paying/high stress job which he loves and would hate to be a SAHP. I love being at home and hated my job pre-dc.

Original poster
Rantymop · 22/10/2014 16:58

We are hoping to move in the next year or so. We are in London so rent is stupidly high.

Older ds was in my room until he was 2 and a half as I only had a one bed place until then, so that was the plan for this baby too.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 23/10/2014 23:50

Ranty, how did today go?

Original poster
Rantymop · 24/10/2014 06:39

Ds has slept better!

The other night I left a blanket on the sofa and told him that I wasn't getting ds out of the cot again and that I was going to leav him to fuss for a bit, if he didn't like it he could leave the room.

I left ds to fuss a bit, put his dummy in once etc and he was fine. Woke up at 3 this morning, cried/whined for 5 mins then fell back to sleep.

Ordinarily I would have grabbed him and taken him in the lounge at the first squeak and been up for two hours.

Been up for the day at 6am, but that's bearable when I've had some sleep.

OP posts:
ithoughtofitfirst · 24/10/2014 06:43

Good work ranty. Doing this is bound to be more effective in the long run.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 24/10/2014 07:44

Well done - glad you got some sleep.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 24/10/2014 07:44

Well done - glad you got some sleep.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 24/10/2014 07:44

oops sorry - didn't mean to post that twice.

ReputableBiscuit · 24/10/2014 08:44

Good work. Another option might be to co-sleep with DS while your partner takes the sofa?

Pointlessfan · 24/10/2014 08:53

DH is at work. He gets home to do bath and bedtime so I can have a break. He then deals with any wakings before midnight and any after 5 - as he says he has to get up for work at 6 anyway. He sometimes hands DD to me in bed at 6am to feed and goes to make me a cuppa. We are both tired but not to the point we can't function as we've both had a good few hours sleep.
Unless your DH is an airline pilot or something I can't see why he can't do something similar.

skylark2 · 24/10/2014 09:00

"But he WORKS."

If he doesn't work weekends, he can do tonight and Saturday night. You can take over again Sunday night so he is not tired for his important job.

Parenting isn't a job where you get the weekend off.

maninawomansworld · 24/10/2014 14:17

I think it's a bit harsh labelling the DH here as a prick or some of the other comments about him that have been made.

It largely depends what he does and what hours he works! If he has a cushy 9-5 a 15 min drive from home then maybe he should do a bit more however unless he does have a truly cushy job I think it's a bit much to ask him to get up in the night when you don't work.

I am farmer, my DW is a surgeon. We planned our DC's so they were born at harvest time when I was busy. DW went on mat leave and did everything for them as I was working 16 hour days or more. By the time she went back to Orkney I was in a much quieter period and I did absolutely everything as she can't go operating on someone on 4 hours broken sleep!

maninawomansworld · 24/10/2014 14:18

Orkney??? That should have been work. Stupid ipad

Original poster
Rantymop · 24/10/2014 14:31

No, it's cushy!

9-5 at the council (well, flexi time actually, can build up time for days off/flexi days etc). 10 min drive from home.

It's finance but they spend most of thier time eating cake and doing team bonding chess games etc.

So it's not like he's a builder or a surgeon. He could do more. He's 6 years younger than me too lol.

OP posts:
DonkeysDoRideBroomsticks · 24/10/2014 15:16

I read this thinking, after seven months it's time for Dad to pitch in. Especially if before the birth he was making promises to do so.
Then I saw his take on you taking anti-ds for PND.

Then I realised I have read a thread about him before. Him again! You said before he treats you like a domestic appliance and considers his parents and siblings and older relations as family..... not you.

He won't change.

GreenPetal94 · 24/10/2014 16:21

Re the not sleeping, both my kids slept thr about 8 months when they really got into solids. And they haven't woken in the night since. So there is a hope you will be a lot less tired soon.

Purplepoodle · 24/10/2014 22:31

Sounds like your making great steps with sleeping. I think next step would be to leave dh with the baby and go out - make yourself unavaliable for a couple of hours. He will learn to cope with the baby by himself, he's too reliant on you to deal with everything and probably a bit frightened of being alone with the baby if he's being honest with himself.

cookiemonster100 · 24/10/2014 22:49

He's talking rubbish. My LO not well I have had 2 broken nights sleep in a row & I have had to go to work. You just get on with it. I am knackered & could cry through tiredness!! No one is more important.
Def split the nights. That's how we work. Unfort hubby on nights this week so been flying solo.
Good luck x

maddening · 24/10/2014 23:18

As far as trying to deal with the waking what have you tried? Is your dc currently starting crawling or moving round more? Is ds teething? Have you increased milk at bedtime? Look at the heating? Does ds wake when the temperature in the house drops? Have you thought about silent reflux if he needs to sleep on you?

whatever5 · 24/10/2014 23:50

YANBU. People need sleep whether or not they work and you shouldn't be in a situation where you are getting no sleep while your DH has a full night's sleep. When my children were babies almost everyone with a job was back at work by the time their children were four to six months so I find it quite laughable that some people seem to think that people who work can't possibly get up in the night to deal with a 7 month old baby.