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Original poster

To have expected my BF to text me on hol?

219 replies

Angel1983 · 21/10/2014 06:54

I've been together with my bf for over a year now and the relationship has had its ups and downs but is generally pretty good.

A couple of months ago my bf announced that he had booked up to go on holiday with five of his friends who are all single. I was ok with this. It subsequently became apparent that the hotel he was going to was very much based around 'adult' activities.

However, since he has been on holiday he hasn't contacted me at all. It has now been 5 days and I have had zero contact from him. Not even a quick text/email to say he has arrived safely. It is possible that his phone doesn't work abroad so he couldn't text me but he would definitely have been able to email me. The hotel he is staying at has wifi available at a small cost.

When he was on holiday last year (shortly before we got together) he texted me almost every day and we see/talk every day when he's home.

Am I being unreasonable to have expected my bf to make some contact whilst he was away? Even a quick 'I'm fine - I miss you, see you when I get home' text/email would have been enough to stop me from worrying.

Thanks! Sorry this is so long

OP posts:
Osirus · 24/10/2014 22:37

Just as a comparison, when my DP went on a stag do for four days he insisted that I call him every night (I was happy not to have any contact - I trust him absolutely). I had to call him as he doesn't have a phone contract.

You've done the right thing. He's behaving like a teenager.

skylark2 · 24/10/2014 22:57

DD's contract phone doesn't work abroad (she swaps with her brother's PAYG when she goes abroad), it's not unheard of. Just saying.

This situation? I'd have dumped him before he went.

"when my DP went on a stag do for four days he insisted that I call him every night"

I'd have dumped him too. Nobody gets to "insist" how often I call them.

Original poster
Angel1983 · 25/10/2014 06:33

YouAreMyRain - I asked him what the name of the hotel was. With some reluctance he told me and I googled it.

OP posts:
YouAreMyRain · 25/10/2014 09:54

He doesn't seem to be hiding his intentions then. How did you feel about him going there in the first place? Your OP seems more concerned with the lack of contact from him rather than his choice of hotel and apparent intention to shag around. Ringing you every hr would still not be stopping him from shagging everything in sight.

Surely the choice of hotel and going on the holiday anyway, (even if his mate booked it without his knowledge - doubtful) is a bigger issue than the lack of contact?

Lack of contact does make it worse, it's like sticking two fingers up to you while he's shagging away.

pictish · 25/10/2014 10:03

I am going to guess that the OP's boundaries have been gradually eroded by this guy. I could be wrong, but it seems likely.
However else does an apparently rational and intelligent woman wave her boyfriend off on a foreign jolly to a casual sex themed hotel, with five single male friends?

Somehow within this relationship he has presented this as the sort of thing one does, and in return it has been accepted as such.

I bet if the OP takes herself back to herself pre boyfriend, she'd have shown him the Hmm face, and the other side of the door.

clam · 25/10/2014 10:04

Well rid, by the sounds of it. Not just because of the lack of texts, but because of the amount of tears you appear to have shed over him in the first year. That was never going to improve, was it?

pictish · 25/10/2014 10:05

Sorry OP to talk about you as if you weren't here. Rude. Didn't mean to offend.

Tinkerball · 25/10/2014 10:09

Glad you have dumped him, even if it's upsetting. Still really nosey about the name of the hotel though!

Aeroflotgirl · 25/10/2014 10:09

Good on you Angel, he's playing you for a fool.

Original poster
Angel1983 · 25/10/2014 10:17

Pictish is exactly right. I voiced my concerns about the hotel and he just took the 'what's the problem' attitude and I felt as if I were being irrational and clingy.

I'm just worried that he is gonna make me feel the same way when I'm back so I'm re-reading this thread about every 30 minutes to remind myself how hurt I've been by this and how abnormal it is.

Xx thanks for the continued support everyone.

OP posts:
BramshawHill · 25/10/2014 10:24

If you're ever tempted to take him back (bloody well hope not!) just think about a guy who, instead of fucking off for a sex holiday with his mates, asks to whisk you away to Paris for a romantic weekend for two Grin that's what you deserve, not this

Aeroflotgirl · 25/10/2014 10:36

Exactly Bram, or loves and respects you enough to say to his mates, no, find someone else, I have my girlfriend.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 25/10/2014 14:11

Think of it this way. Your not dumping him because he's a skanky cheat.

You've dumped him because YOU are not happy with this situation, and YOU want and deserve better.

He can (and does) do what ever the fuck he wants. That's not your concern anymore.

Make this about you. Not him.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 25/10/2014 14:15

and don't let h make you feel like you are some sort of hysterical clingy mad woman- that's s ploy. A cold, cynical, mind fucking ploy.

Ticktockblock · 25/10/2014 14:38

He's in his 30's?? He needs to grow up! You can do much better by the sounds of it.

Itsfab · 25/10/2014 14:56

It isn't always easy to finish with someone but tbh the lack of respect for always being late was enough to end it. This holiday crap is more than enough reason. I was thinking don't finish while he was away as he will then shag away as single but he probably already was Sad.

Stay strong. Value yourself and never allow another man to do what this pillock has done.

He sounds about 22.

DemelzaandRoss · 25/10/2014 15:10

Get rid. Now. Then go out, buy a new outfit & find some girlfriends to go out with. He's not worth the time of day!!!

AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/10/2014 16:57

You deserve so much better. Flowers

The always showing up late for dates would be bad enough without all this happening, but it does seem to be the icing on the cake. Total lack of respect.

Original poster
Angel1983 · 25/10/2014 20:09

Update - he couldn't contact me because his phone didn't work abroad and he locked himself out of his email account.

Apparently he didn't think this would be a problem and can't understand why I'm upset......

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 25/10/2014 20:15

What a load of tosh....

Aeroflotgirl · 25/10/2014 20:16

What a crap excuse, he could have used a mates. It does not sound like your happy with him, and he does not treat you very nicely, well rid.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/10/2014 20:17

He could have found an internet cafe, and contacted you there.

Itsfab · 25/10/2014 20:18

Just more disrespect. Are you going to let him carry on treating you like shit?

Original poster
Angel1983 · 25/10/2014 20:21

No, I'm not prepared to put up with any more disrespect.

OP posts:
Tryharder · 25/10/2014 20:25

I'm genuinely surprised that a swingers hotel would accept a booking from 5 single males. Thought it would be couples or single women only.

I would however be VERY unimpressed if I were you, OP.

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