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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think she should have told the father about christening?

184 replies

Zippylovesrainbow · 20/10/2014 18:16

My friend had her son christened at the weekend... And didn't tell his father.
She says it's because they are in court over access.

I can't believe a vicar would do a service without the father present either! He isn't on the birth certificate, but he has rights as he applied for them via court.

It was a lovely day, but this has just ruined it, for me anyway. I know I'm probably being unreasonable, but I just feel that her sons special, religious day is now tarnished by a lie and deceit.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 20/10/2014 18:17

What was the lie?

Original poster
Zippylovesrainbow · 20/10/2014 18:19

Well it will be a lie, because she won't be telling the father

OP posts:
flanjabelle · 20/10/2014 18:20

Yabu.

ApocalypseThen · 20/10/2014 18:21

It will be a lie? It sounded like the christening has already happened.

Bluestocking · 20/10/2014 18:22

What was the lie?

DiaDuit · 20/10/2014 18:22

My son was baptised without even me being present so yes, vicar/priest will do it without a father present. Think about it-lots of children who dont have contact with their fathers- do you really think they should be denied baptism?

fairgame · 20/10/2014 18:23

She doesn't need the father's permission to have her child christened. Maybe she didn't want him turning up and ruining a day that she has planned and probably paid for.

Original poster
Zippylovesrainbow · 20/10/2014 18:24

The lie will happen when his dad asks

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 20/10/2014 18:24

Let me guess- you arent actually her friend but his? Or his family member? New partner?

meglet · 20/10/2014 18:24

DD was baptised without her father being present. The vicar knew we don't have anything to do with him.

DiaDuit · 20/10/2014 18:25

Its really between them and nothing to do with you. If having the baby baptised is very important to him he can arrange something himself.

Sirzy · 20/10/2014 18:25

When DS was christened I had to sign a form to confirm that his father had no contact with him.

VinoTime · 20/10/2014 18:26

Is the father your close friend too?

I'm not sure I understand why you're upset about this.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 20/10/2014 18:26

You are most certainly NOT being unreasonable. This very same thing happened to my son's friend in the summer. The Christening was arranged, then the young Mum said it had been cancelled, she told the young Dad and his family it was all off. Turns out, the ceremony went ahead, at the pre-arranged time, without telling the Dad and his family. Obvious deceit. Young Dad found out on F/Book. He was so, incredibly upset, and cried in our house, with me mopping up his tears. It was awful!

As I understand it, a vicar or priest is meant to obtain permission from both parents before going ahead with any baptism.

Fairenuff · 20/10/2014 18:27

Do you think she will deny that he has been baptised if the father asks?

Aliennation · 20/10/2014 18:27

Why can't you believe the vicar would perform a christening without the father present?
Do you think children of single parents who's father is absent, for example, shouldn't be allowed to be christened?

DiaDuit · 20/10/2014 18:28

As I understand it, a vicar or priest is meant to obtain permission from both parents before going ahead with any baptism.

And how on earth do they do that when father isnt named on birth certificate?

browneyedgirl86 · 20/10/2014 18:28

Yabu. It's not your business.

fifi669 · 20/10/2014 18:28

DS was christened, his bio father was invited but due to his lack of involvement and how he'd treated me he was merely a spectator and not included in the ceremony, party or on the paperwork. For all the vicar knows he wasn't there at all.

Aside from anti religion feelings anyone may have, what would be your reactions to man baptising his child without telling the mum? DP is religious, ex not.

Kundry · 20/10/2014 18:29

She may or may not be being unreasonable about Dad's access. But in the time she has custody of her DC she can do as she likes, she doesn't have to invite him - just as he could in his time.

Lets face it, the Christening service wasn't really designed with this sort of issue in mind. Is she actually a deeply religious person planning to bring up her child within a Christian denomination? Or just someone who wanted a nice day out? I'd have a bigger issue with this than who was on the invite list.

jacks365 · 20/10/2014 18:29

Has the dad been granted pr by the court yet or is the application still going through?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 20/10/2014 18:30

I think a parent need not necessarily be present, but I understood permission of both parents had to be obtained.

DiaDuit · 20/10/2014 18:30

Ds2 was baptised with just my consent even though his father's name is on birth certificate. I'm not even sure if exp knows as he has never asked.

Fairenuff · 20/10/2014 18:30

He can still have a naming ceremony with all family and friends if he wants.

merrymouse · 20/10/2014 18:30

It's a bit tactless.

However, I think in most churches the christening is about welcoming a child into the church community. Baptism or confirmation is the more important event.

Therefore if she just christens him and doesn't bother to take the child to church it's a bit of a non event as far as the church is concerned and just an excuse for a party. If she christens him and is an active member of the church, that is her decision.