To think she should have told the father about christening?

[Zippylovesrainbow]

My friend had her son christened at the weekend... And didn't tell his father.
She says it's because they are in court over access.

I can't believe a vicar would do a service without the father present either! He isn't on the birth certificate, but he has rights as he applied for them via court.

It was a lovely day, but this has just ruined it, for me anyway. I know I'm probably being unreasonable, but I just feel that her sons special, religious day is now tarnished by a lie and deceit.

Wakey discussion may be expected but it is not forced. And its highly unlikely that anybody would be legally forced to invite someone to a social event.

It's also highly unlikely a court would prohibit a parent from taking a child to a church during their time with the child (obviously I'm talking about actual religions church's not cults)

No, a child cannot be unchristened, or uncircumcised, for that matter.

A specific issue order, applied for by the excluded parent after a "secret" christening, could prevent the child being subject to further exposure to a Christian upbringing by the "religious" parent. That's not scaremongering, that's the law.

My opinion is that if the court was presented with evidence that the "religious" parent had deliberately excluded the other, or that the christening was not carried out on the basis of strong religious belief of the parent, then the court would be more sympathetic to the excluded parent.

It's also highly unlikely a court would prohibit a parent from taking a child to a church during their time with the child (obviously I'm talking about actual religions church's not cults)

Cases where exactly that has happened are documented regularly on Family Law Week.

Sorry posted to soon, its not something I understand either (the service with no further church involvement thing) but its not an unusual occurrence. It is my understanding that these days regular frequent attendance at church is going down quite a lot and my local vicar is often moaning about the baptisms being rather more frequent in comparison

An invitation is just that - an invitation. It can be accepted, or declined. To be invited, or a discussion about it (particularly if you are a parent) would, I would think, be most welcome.

You cannot be forced to invite someone, and you cannot be forced to attend. But it is nice to be consulted.

They well as may be but the usual reason is its damaging in some way to the child and not because 1 parent disapproves

We weren't married when I arranged a christening 'behind his back'. He has never gone to church.

For instance - what does "being married" have to do with anything? A parent is a parent, married or not. Why is that relevant? Not saying this in your case, (of course, would I dare to suggest anything) but what if (hypothetically) your ex was of a different faith and believed very strongly if, for example, your child should be indoctrinated into any other Faith other than a Christian one? (I only say that because you specifically mentioned Church and Christening). If he had done that behind your back, how would you feel about it?

You say you chose the Christian Faith because that was your right. What would make it not your ex's right?

I'm really not trying to be obtuse - really trying to understand (and yes, thank you for your concern - I have read all the posts, which helped a lot, even before your scathing suggestion)!!

Cases where exactly that has happened are documented regularly on Family Law Week

Care to point me in the direction of a judgement involving a mainstream recognised faith,no allegation of child abuse where a parent has been prohibited from attending a church during their normal contact time

Ok well regardless of whether OP is the father or friend or whatever I think that, on the face of it, it was wrong on the mother to not invite the father.

I thought it was usual at a christening to have those who will be involved with the child's life. That includes the father.

Also it sounds like (again on the face of it) that she broke up the family.

If my husband had an affair and then left me, then arranged a christening and party for my son to which mutual friends and family were invited I would be devastated.

However she may have her reasons for this. Maybe he's a bastard, maybe he didn't want the baby, maybe he's a fervent atheist who loathes church functions. I don't know and OP probably doesn't know - but if he/she is a friend to both, and doesn't know of any shit behaviour on the father's part but rather that he is a loving, attentive dad and a decent ex - then I can understand why OP might think that it was a bit rubbish of the mother.