about this email? (wedding related)

[bridesmaidrevisited]

6 weeks or so ago I was bridesmaid for a close friend.

I don't live nearby to friend so there were a few issues on the leadup to the wedding where I wasn't always able to be as available as the bride might have wanted (I also have a pretty demanding ft job, 2 dc etc, unlike the bride and other bridesmaids). There were also a few last minute hiccups with things being cancelled, offers to pay for stuff being withdrawn, because they hadn't budgeted properly and had significantly overspent.

Anyway, all that was by the by, the actual day went pretty well (barring the fact that because of the location by 10pm all but 15 of the guests had gone). I and other friends enjoyed it as did b & g's family members I spoke to.

Out of the blue yesterday I received a ranty email from the bride, basically saying how I and another bm were rude and disrespectful (and 'everyone' said how ignorant they thought our behaviour was) and how we had spoilt her day, which she referred to as 'ok'...

Her issue was that we were late for photos taken before we left the hotel for the venue. We hadn't been told there were going to be photos at hotel, just we needed to be ready for 12 30-12.45 for the wedding car. On the day we got a call at 12.15 saying photos now, but we weren't even dressed (as had spent previous 20 mins trying to sort out missing transport for other guests which bride had apparently arranged but didn't turn up. Plus we thought we had til 12.30 at least.

I feel really quite offended by both tone and content of her email. On the day it was me, my bf and the other bm who were the ones making sure she and the groom had drinks, Id put together little gift bags for all the kids at the wedding with sticker books and stuff, we got them playing games on the eve, and got people up dancing. Other bm did all the wedding favours. We both stayed til the end even though the other bms did less and left earlier, and we're the ones being moaned at for being late to photos we didn't even know were happening.

Haven't replied yet, am tempted to tell her exactly what I think but suspect it will kick off ww3....wwyd?

All decisions and organization (or lack of) he left to her.

Well, doesn't he sound like a catch? I actually feel slightly sorry for your 'friend'.

Marking my place!

What did you reply, OP?

Yes do tell

Much along the lines suggested, politely pointing out we didn't know the timings and mentioning everything we did do on the day.

Did conclude by saying I hoped we'd remain friends but tbh that really depends on her response.

Gosh. I've only had one similar experience of this with a rather nasty conversation before the wedding suggesting that I'd made the bride wear a pretend veil at her hen do and she hadn't wanted to!! It turned out that the bride was not happy in the marriage, was having an affair and split with her new dh within 4 months. Methinks there may be more going on here with the new bride. Don't stress - I did and it didn't help.

Blimey she sounds erm odd to say the least. Perhaps marriage hasn't morphed her husband into the wonderful man she wanted him to be?

Ohhh... I'm shamelessly place marking as well to see what the response is.

Blatant place marking

How do you place mark?

also a lurking place marker....

I could have written your post. I was in a very similar situation about four years ago. I was the lowly bridesmaid as opposed to the much revered chief Bm. Cheify did nothing. It was an away wedding and she deigned to turn up a day later than everyone else, first to leave and may as well have worn a neon sign on her head saying "I don't want to be here". Day of the wedding bride suddenly drops it on me that she needs her daughter to stay overnight in our hotel room. I couldn't. It was the first time away with my husband away from our own kids in five years and I knew it'd really upset him if I agreed to it. Chiefy wasn't even asked because she didn't want to put upon her . Still, I do everything and more expected of me only to find for the whole weekend she and her family were referring to me as 'let down bridesmaid'.

It had cost literally hundreds to attend. I'd ran round like a blue parsed fly for weeks in the run up. Not one single thank you, just disdain for daring to say no when I'd gone above and beyond because chiefy did narrrthing.

Moral of my story; we're not friends anymore and she was divorced and remarried in another lavish wedding just three years later. Maybe she had time to reflect because she's tried getting in touch again but nope. I'm a good friend to have, don't take the piss.
piss

Random piss there. Piss!

Random piss there. Piss!

That made me laugh! I would be the same. I'm a good friend, but don't muck me about.

OP I guess it could be a 'downer' from the wedding excitement that made her turn into a wifezilla or friendzilla. No excuse though. I would be inclined to remain polite, but back away from the friendship.

She doesn't have visitors and doesn't take phone calls? This is a friend?

I'd reply with something along the lines of:

I'm really sorry you didn't enjoy your wedding in the way you hoped to have done and that you feel I had a role in why. I tried so very hard to solve problems and help things run smoothly.

And that's it. What a nightmare bride.

Have either of you had a reply yet?

She just doesn't like using the phone, long story but she never has. We grew up living very near each other, and until a few years ago still lived within about 10 miles. She then moved further away, and then further again when she met her dh and moved in with him. I did until this consider her a close friend, not sure now. Especially as she hasn't replied.

She sounds an absolute nightmare!

Glad you've replied.

Glad you sent a reply too! Such an unfair thing to lay at your door.

Hope you get an apology...

She sounds awful. I would consider this friendship over.

I'm shocked at the behaviour of this bride.

It sounds as if you and the other BM have managed to send a well composed and very reasonable reply.

Please do let us know what if any response you get OP.

She sounds like a very unhappy person to me and you are unfortunately the person she has decided to blame. Whatever her response to your reply, I'm sure that she will regret sending her original email at some point in the future.

She sounds like one of those brides who never quite understood that her wedding day was just that. One day. Which was then followed by marriage which of course, may not be coming up to expectations either. So she's looking for a scapegoat. Or in this case, two scapegoats.

Your response sounds perfectly reasonable and I wonder if she'll have the decency to reply in a similar tone.

What Summerisle said. Some people see it as all about the day. My ex friend was exactly like that. Terrible depression after the wedding and the very quick realisation she didn't want to be married to him at all. Most of us look back at wedding mishaps and laugh, they all add to memories of the day.