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AIBU?

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Original poster

about this email? (wedding related)

202 replies

bridesmaidrevisited · 20/10/2014 08:34

6 weeks or so ago I was bridesmaid for a close friend.

I don't live nearby to friend so there were a few issues on the leadup to the wedding where I wasn't always able to be as available as the bride might have wanted (I also have a pretty demanding ft job, 2 dc etc, unlike the bride and other bridesmaids). There were also a few last minute hiccups with things being cancelled, offers to pay for stuff being withdrawn, because they hadn't budgeted properly and had significantly overspent.

Anyway, all that was by the by, the actual day went pretty well (barring the fact that because of the location by 10pm all but 15 of the guests had gone). I and other friends enjoyed it as did b & g's family members I spoke to.

Out of the blue yesterday I received a ranty email from the bride, basically saying how I and another bm were rude and disrespectful (and 'everyone' said how ignorant they thought our behaviour was) and how we had spoilt her day, which she referred to as 'ok'...

Her issue was that we were late for photos taken before we left the hotel for the venue. We hadn't been told there were going to be photos at hotel, just we needed to be ready for 12 30-12.45 for the wedding car. On the day we got a call at 12.15 saying photos now, but we weren't even dressed (as had spent previous 20 mins trying to sort out missing transport for other guests which bride had apparently arranged but didn't turn up. Plus we thought we had til 12.30 at least.

I feel really quite offended by both tone and content of her email. On the day it was me, my bf and the other bm who were the ones making sure she and the groom had drinks, Id put together little gift bags for all the kids at the wedding with sticker books and stuff, we got them playing games on the eve, and got people up dancing. Other bm did all the wedding favours. We both stayed til the end even though the other bms did less and left earlier, and we're the ones being moaned at for being late to photos we didn't even know were happening.

Haven't replied yet, am tempted to tell her exactly what I think but suspect it will kick off ww3....wwyd?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 20/10/2014 12:17

Loving your MN name though so ill let you off Wink

Original poster
bridesmaidrevisited · 20/10/2014 12:37

It wasn't meant as a jibe, the wedding itself was at lovely, picturesque, country house type place. Night before bride stayed (and we were all to meet) at her nearby hotel. Venue lovely, hotel not so, hence my surprise she wouldn't just want photos at venue, not hotel as well.

OP posts:
KatoPotato · 20/10/2014 12:45

I've come to find that horrendous;y built up weddings seem to now come with a post-partum depression for the happy couple. I think the day never ever lives up to their mental image and they mourn the loss of the build up.

You're well shot, send Sally's email then forget!

cozietoesie · 20/10/2014 12:47

She's picking on something - anything in fact.

I'd just send the measured email as upthread and then forget about her (I'd drop her as a close friend in fact) and get on with your own life. Don't be drawn into her games.

SaucyMare · 20/10/2014 12:56

I dont like long tall sally response it is too something. Too polite but not actually polite at all.

SaucyMare · 20/10/2014 12:59

Not a nasty jibe about the trafellodge.
Pointing out that it isnt a pretty building so not really missed.

catseyes10 · 20/10/2014 13:01

I would be very tempted to tell her to fuck off too, but I don't have a very high tolerance for this kind of crap Hmm

cozietoesie · 20/10/2014 13:03

...Too polite but not actually polite at all....

And if so, maybe no bad thing - not that the ex-bride would notice I suspect.

OVienna · 20/10/2014 13:13

There must be something that really upset her on the day. You've known her for this many years, is she really this crazy/ unreasonable? If it were me and she were one of my closest friends up to now I'd probably be picking up the phone to her.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 20/10/2014 14:01

Since she's such a longstanding friend I agree with the suggestion you should give her a call and discuss what she is so upset about. Were you perhaps giving the impression to other guests that the day wasn't well organised? That's how you're OP comes across and that might have made your friend upset.

Nanny0gg · 20/10/2014 14:05

longtallsally2

Are you in the Diplomatic Corps?

That reply was perfect.

However, mine would be shorter. The MN mantra of Fuck off to the far side of Fuck etc, etc.

ScarletFever · 20/10/2014 14:21

send LongTallSallys response and let us know a) what happens, and b) if she comes back and says "you just copied that"... Grin

Thumbwitch · 20/10/2014 15:00

Gosh no, why would you want photos outside a travelodge? I had my wedding reception at a Holiday Inn, the inside was fine but the outside, especially the back, resembled a Russian gulag! No way was I having photos of that! Most of my photos were done at the Registry Office, which had lovely gardens specifically for that; and then inside the hotel at the reception but none of the carpet which was grey, lime and lavender 70s pattern awfulness

maddening · 20/10/2014 15:09

I'd reply to say frankly her abissmal organisation led to additional costs, lateness and miscommunication and she is lucky people came to her shitehole of a wedding - heck people were desperate yo leave!

and if she sends messages like that after everything you put up with she'll be lucky to have friends left!

if she would like to call to apologise you may consider it but she's on thin ice!

Original poster
bridesmaidrevisited · 20/10/2014 18:22

Have now heard from other bridesmaid who is equally annoyed.

We are drafting a reply between us, partly based on longtallsally's suggestion. Not sure if reply should be from us both, or if it's better to reply separately...

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 20/10/2014 18:33

Have you seen her email....was it as rude as the one you were sent?

Original poster
bridesmaidrevisited · 20/10/2014 18:37

We got same email, addressed to both of us. Other bm didn't see it til today as hadn't checked her emails over the weekend.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 20/10/2014 18:38

Then as yours was 'generic' may I suggest the same back....

How vile

Mammanat222 · 20/10/2014 18:41

For some reason this has really outraged me.

Not sure why?

I mean it was 6 bloody weeks ago!!! I cannot believe this stupid woman actually wants to go a) focus on the negatives of her wedding day and b) blame others for it.

Quite frankly fuck the polite excuse and tell her that you did X,Y and Z and you do not appreciate her sending you such hurtful emails after you put in so much effort on her big day.

I'd finish off by saying that you are sorry she feels the need to focus on what was wrong with her wedding day and tell her you await her apology

Some people are so fucking entitled and cheeky!

Sparkletastic · 20/10/2014 18:42

I would reply together

tippytappywriter · 20/10/2014 18:51

I'd file the email and never contact her again. Who in real life sends an email like that to a friend???

cozietoesie · 20/10/2014 19:03

I'm guessing that she'll respond saying that someone 'got into her email and sent it' and that she doesn't agree with the sentiments. Just wait.

FrustratedBaker · 20/10/2014 19:05

ignore and block? You'll never get the time back that you waste on this.

pictish · 20/10/2014 19:12

Reply together. Show a united get-a-grip front.

FryOneFatManic · 20/10/2014 19:19

I would send the reply from both of you. A calm measured pointing out of what actually happened.

And then perhaps block. She doesn't sound very nice if she's being stewing on something like this for weeks.