about this email? (wedding related)

[bridesmaidrevisited]

6 weeks or so ago I was bridesmaid for a close friend.

I don't live nearby to friend so there were a few issues on the leadup to the wedding where I wasn't always able to be as available as the bride might have wanted (I also have a pretty demanding ft job, 2 dc etc, unlike the bride and other bridesmaids). There were also a few last minute hiccups with things being cancelled, offers to pay for stuff being withdrawn, because they hadn't budgeted properly and had significantly overspent.

Anyway, all that was by the by, the actual day went pretty well (barring the fact that because of the location by 10pm all but 15 of the guests had gone). I and other friends enjoyed it as did b & g's family members I spoke to.

Out of the blue yesterday I received a ranty email from the bride, basically saying how I and another bm were rude and disrespectful (and 'everyone' said how ignorant they thought our behaviour was) and how we had spoilt her day, which she referred to as 'ok'...

Her issue was that we were late for photos taken before we left the hotel for the venue. We hadn't been told there were going to be photos at hotel, just we needed to be ready for 12 30-12.45 for the wedding car. On the day we got a call at 12.15 saying photos now, but we weren't even dressed (as had spent previous 20 mins trying to sort out missing transport for other guests which bride had apparently arranged but didn't turn up. Plus we thought we had til 12.30 at least.

I feel really quite offended by both tone and content of her email. On the day it was me, my bf and the other bm who were the ones making sure she and the groom had drinks, Id put together little gift bags for all the kids at the wedding with sticker books and stuff, we got them playing games on the eve, and got people up dancing. Other bm did all the wedding favours. We both stayed til the end even though the other bms did less and left earlier, and we're the ones being moaned at for being late to photos we didn't even know were happening.

Haven't replied yet, am tempted to tell her exactly what I think but suspect it will kick off ww3....wwyd?

Hope that you get things smoothed over OP (if you want to continue with this friendship, that is.)

What an ungrateful cah. I'd tell the truth and make it clear you wont take the blame for things that werent in your control.

I'd use longtallsally's reply, but then add another paragraph...

"I hope that after making so many mistakes this time you will plan your next wedding more carefully. " :)

at sallyingforth!

Next wedding

perhaps she has just got the photos back?
and realised the perfect day wasnt photogenically perfect

SNORT at sallyingforth!

No excuses for her rudeness, but it sounds like the day wasn't what she hoped it would be, so she's looking for scapegoats. In reality, if money was running out, things were being cancelled ahead of the day and the arrangements for photos, transport etc were pretty haphazard it sounds like she knows she fucked up some aspects of her wedding day by not planning or budgeting properly, but she's blaming the wrong people.

is sallyingforth longtallsally's evil twin?

With friends like that who needs enemies.

She's obviously out of the honeymoon period already! Poor woman if this is all she has to think about.

I was only half joking about the next wedding.
If she routinely expects more than she can afford, and blames others for her mistakes, it doesn't look good for a long and happy marriage.

You are all way too nice i would seriously tell her f off but then none of my friends would be this ridiculous.

my sister had a friend who got married and did nothing but abuse all her friends an guests and basically had everyone else pay for the wedding as she charged for accommodation even though it was inclusive with her package.

all her friends moaned for months about how horrible she was all the while running around for her. h told them they were part of the problem for not standing up for themselves and for continuing the friendship

I think sally's email is excellent, but I wouldn't be that nice. I'd be tempted to respond with a simple 'Fuck off to the far side of fuck' 'How rude, ungrateful and offensive'.

I know it's tough if she's a good friend, but on the other hand do you WANT to call her a friend any more? An email like that (and the behaviour leading up to it) would make me seriously re-evaluate a friendship.

You sound as though you kept the show on the road. She ought to be grateful.

Oh, strikeout fail.

She sounds awful. Have you been friends for a long time? Is she usually a good friend?

Tell her briefly what happened - that she changed the time and photos far too late in the day and was a victim of her own inefficiency! Although you can put it nicely - tell her what a lovely day it was, how much everyone enjoyed it, how lovely she looked etc.

For my daughter's wedding last year they had a spreadsheet with timings for everyone involved so they knew exactly when everyone had to be where and when photos would be taken and who met where and when.

She sounds like someone I'd be cooling any friendship with - fast!

just a warning, a person who I thought was my best friend had a row with me after her wedding day and now she will never speak to me again.

It broke my heart, losing her as a friend, but if she wants to fall out over that one day then nothing I did at teh time, or could do now, will change that.

Blimey there's some real post Bridal Zillas out there by the sounds of it.

What ugly people.

I'm not sure I would want to salvage any friendship with her as the email is a shocking thing to write to anyone. It's probably too soon to decide.

I'd be tempted to email back that you agree and it was the worst wedding you have ever been to. But I wouldn't.

Total self-centredness, that's the ugly thing. The OP may just have never clocked it before.

Send LongtallSally's reply because you will look back at this in a year's time and be glad that you did, no matter how you feel right now.

But - if this were me - I'd not be fussed about this friendship from now on...

Thanks for all the replies, helps that you all don't think I'm completely bu to be annoyed!

We've been friends for over 30 years. And we are women in our 40s not 20somethings...

I'm quite shocked, especially by the fact she's clearly stewed about it for weeks. The other bm had the same email, it was sent to both of us.

I honestly don't know if I want to stay friends really. Had she moaned about it on the day, in the heat and stress of the moment I wouldn't have cared, but 6 weeks on seems mean spirited and I don't know if that's the kind of friend I want.

Re photos, there were loads (at least 30 that i was in) taken at the venue. All she didn't get were any of us standing outside the hotel (1980s Travelodge type place, so no real loss!

Blimey I did think you were younger than that given the situation of the email etc....

Nasty Jibe in there regarding travel lodge type venue though.