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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very upset about how this friend has treated me?

187 replies

FeelingSadAboutIt · 16/10/2014 11:52

I've namechanged as this will probably make me recognisable.

I run twice a week with a friend, and have done for about 2 years. I've always thought that we got on well. We met through our DDs' school.

Lately my friend has been a bit off with me. Nothing I can put my finger on but I've just had vibes that she's being off. She has also become quite friendly with another mum from school, who for some reason has never liked me and has always been quite rude to me.

For the past fortnight my friend has said that she has hurt her back and so doesn't want to do any running for a few weeks. I had no problem with this and haven't been running myself since she said this. She actually sent me a text yesterday saying that her back is still bad, and she's going to have a couple more weeks of no running.

So, this morning I decided to have a run on my own, and about a mile down the road who did I see but said friend out for a run with the woman that doesn't like me! We actually had to run past each other so I put on a brave face and just said hello in a cheerful tone, but when I got home I actually felt really upset.

I enjoy running with my friend, I've started to really look forward to us going. And I'm upset about the nasty undertones that have clearly been there, and feel silly for not picking up on it.

AIBU to be upset or do I need to get a grip?

OP posts:
Flux7001 · 16/10/2014 11:58

well shes lied to you and manipulated instead of being honest. Is she really a friend?

Nancy66 · 16/10/2014 11:58

you're not unreasonable to be upset at all. I would be too. However there's not a lot you can do about it.

Just carry on running and maybe see if you can find yourself another fitness buddy.

your friend has behaved in a very immature way. it's something you'd expect of 14 year olds not adult women. Once you get over the upset you'll probably realise that it wasn't a friendship worth holding on to anyhow.

ChocolateBubbleBarsmakemefat · 16/10/2014 11:59

I would be upset. your 'friend' has outright lied to you rather than speak with you over whatever issue she has with you and has done so so she can spend time with this other woman.

Is she a people pleaser who maybe has been coerced by this other woman?

I would go round to her house for a chat to see what it is that has upset her and go from there.

ILovePud · 16/10/2014 12:00

That's horrible, YANBU, I'd feel really hurt about this too. Her behaviour sounds mean and cowardly. I know it's a cliché but anyone who behaves like this isn't worth having as a friend. I imagine she's squirming now knowing that you've caught her out. Hope you are feeling better soon and that you've got enough genuine friends around to help you.

Iforgottotellyou · 16/10/2014 12:00

Wow, I'd feel terribly upset. It's not you its them. I would probably just go running on my own from now on, if it's something you enjoy. I wonder how she's going to explain herself to you!! *awkward! !
Good for you for going out without her anyway, she obviously wasn't expecting that to happen was she!

seasavage · 16/10/2014 12:01

Well, you handled yourself very well and kept your cool. She's no friend OP.
She's a liar.
You have given the outward appearance of being pretty calm, don't let her know you're upset and cut this woman's influence from your life.
If she comes over all shamefaced and apologetic be calm and explain you don't have time for cloak and dagger behaviour.

browneyedgirl86 · 16/10/2014 12:01

Yanbu! She has lied to you. If she didn't want to go running with you for whatever reason she should have said. Not lied to you about it. How nasty.

Roussette · 16/10/2014 12:03

No, you are not BU to feel upset. Why aren't people more honest? I imagine your friend is weak and has had her mind poisoned by other woman who for some reason doesn't like you. I would avoid them both like the plague. And FWIW I would be really hurt by this.

LiverpoolLou · 16/10/2014 12:03

You're a better person than I am. I would have made a sarky comment about her back making a miraculous recovery and then cut her out of my life completely.

Original poster
FeelingSadAboutIt · 16/10/2014 12:04

What upset me too, and I should have mentioned this in my OP, is that as they ran off in the opposite direction I could hear them laughing and cackling away to each other.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 16/10/2014 12:05

What a bitch. Well done for smiling and carrying on your run, I bet (hope) she feels an absolute shit.

Don't bother texting her or calling in the future. She lied to you and that's no friend. See if you can find another mate to go out with or just go on your own- I love my lone runs with my music on and time to think.
Flowers

Flipflops7 · 16/10/2014 12:06

Don't Mumsnet say you've been Wendied? In this case it sounds like a stealth Wendy :(

I hope your "friend" feels awful about her lie.

KnackeredMuchly · 16/10/2014 12:06

Wow! I would flit between devastated and furious.

To just piss on your friendship, and a commitment that took you out together twice a week is so nasty.

I'd be done.

Roussette · 16/10/2014 12:06

How vile. They weren't even shamed. They are really not worth bothering about. Hold your head up high and have nothing whatsoever to do with them. Ever.

merrymouse · 16/10/2014 12:06

Maybe she just felt a bit suffocated by the running twice a week for 2 years?

It is an awkward situation and it is hurtful, but she probably doesn't hate you - just needs a bit of a change.

I think your choices are to either let the relationship slide and assume it has run it's course. (no pun intended Smile) or to leave the run solo/find a new partner and maybe invite her for coffee in a couple of weeks.

balancingfigure · 16/10/2014 12:07

YANBU and as others have said how childish of your so called friend. If you see her at school I'd be tempted to say something like "so glad to see you out running, I was concerned about your back and its great you're feeling better" I wouldn't ask why she lied etc, firstly because she's not worth it and secondly because you can maintain the moral highground!

merrymouse · 16/10/2014 12:07

or to leave the run solo

Original poster
FeelingSadAboutIt · 16/10/2014 12:08

It was her who always suggested it, merrymouse. She's always been very keen and always texting me about it.

OP posts:
KnackeredMuchly · 16/10/2014 12:08

X postm.. she laughed as she ran away?! Shock

I'm sure what was funny was unrelated to you - truly. But the fact she didn't crease quietly in mortification would make me scream.

Fuck 'em Angry

Flipflops7 · 16/10/2014 12:08

Laughing and cackling? Just look forward to when your "friend" is abandoned by toxic Wendy.

My bet is that they weren't laughing at or about you, but "friend" was no doubt expressing faux concern about her lie. You are well rid.

MarchEliza · 16/10/2014 12:09

Yes this would upset me. I think the way you handled it was great (not sure I'd have been able to force a smile!)

I think the word 'Wendy' might be marching towards this thread (If I have understood it's meaning correctly).

At the end of the day you can bring it up with your friend - she knows you have seen her and must be so embarrassed about it. This could be a good way to get to the bottom of the other woman's involvement. If she doesn't want to address it you haven't lost anything - as it stands I don't think the relationship has anywhere to go.

BeCool · 16/10/2014 12:10

YANBU - but your 'friend' isn't much of a friend at all.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 16/10/2014 12:10

I like balancingfigure suggestion. don't comment on not running with you, just be overly nice make her feel bad [evilgrin]

500Decibels · 16/10/2014 12:10

Eurgh what vile people. How nasty to just go off and light like that.

Sorry it's happened to you but she was obviously no friend.
It seems she just needs someone to run with!

I wouldn't even bother acknowledging her let alone speaking to her.

MarchEliza · 16/10/2014 12:11

Oh if they were laughing at you then they really can just bugger off can't they!!

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