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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very upset about how this friend has treated me?

187 replies

FeelingSadAboutIt · 16/10/2014 11:52

I've namechanged as this will probably make me recognisable.

I run twice a week with a friend, and have done for about 2 years. I've always thought that we got on well. We met through our DDs' school.

Lately my friend has been a bit off with me. Nothing I can put my finger on but I've just had vibes that she's being off. She has also become quite friendly with another mum from school, who for some reason has never liked me and has always been quite rude to me.

For the past fortnight my friend has said that she has hurt her back and so doesn't want to do any running for a few weeks. I had no problem with this and haven't been running myself since she said this. She actually sent me a text yesterday saying that her back is still bad, and she's going to have a couple more weeks of no running.

So, this morning I decided to have a run on my own, and about a mile down the road who did I see but said friend out for a run with the woman that doesn't like me! We actually had to run past each other so I put on a brave face and just said hello in a cheerful tone, but when I got home I actually felt really upset.

I enjoy running with my friend, I've started to really look forward to us going. And I'm upset about the nasty undertones that have clearly been there, and feel silly for not picking up on it.

AIBU to be upset or do I need to get a grip?

OP posts:
Laquitar · 16/10/2014 16:21

Oh thats awful.

I think i would sent her an email, a short one and not emotive. Smth like: i hope you didnt feel obligated to run every week together, it is fine not too and i wouldnt have been upset if you have told me'.

Thats to avoid hard feelings and gpssip because unfortunetely you have to see each other at school run.

500Decibels · 16/10/2014 16:23

Another yy to parkrun. Some really lovely and encouraging people run at ours.

Waltermittythesequel · 16/10/2014 16:30

Do please join a running group!

Much more sincere support and some brilliant friendships can be formed.

She's a total cow. What is she, 13?!

ApocalypseThen · 16/10/2014 16:31

I definitely wouldn't contact her to say anything. You're entitled to be upset about this but sometimes getting in touch can feel like whining. She's shown who she is - unworthy of any notice but a curt salute in the street.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/10/2014 16:35

Yanbu at all. I wonder what this woman has said to her about you. As I think that's what it is! I would not confront her, hurtful though it is, move on from her. She sounds immature and silly.

CeliaFate · 16/10/2014 16:36

I would send a text "Glad your back is better Smile" and leave it at that.

Don't run with her again, she's a cow.

Laura0806 · 16/10/2014 16:40

So sorry Op! what an unpleasant experience. Take my advice, from one who knows, don't text her or anything just smile, hello and move on whenever you see her. If you have to come across her in the playground it will be really awkward and give her more stuff to 'gossip' about with her new 'friend' if you communicate with her. Don't give them the satisfaction, you're better than that

Aeroflotgirl · 16/10/2014 16:41

Yes I would send a text or I woukd have said hello glad your back is better.

Roussette · 16/10/2014 16:43

Oh please don't contact her. I have learnt over the years old gimmer here that silence is powerful. Do not contact her, carry on doing what you're doing, Icily cool but not ignoring her. She is desperate possibly for you to open dialogue on this so she can justify her bitchy behaviour and sending her a text is just playing into her hands.

Agree with Apopaclypse it will sound like whining and somewhat needy and immediately places the upper hand back with her. Don't don't dont.

YellowTulips · 16/10/2014 16:49

Don't email or text - you are just giving them ammo to "giggle" about.

Equally don't respond to any texts from sheepish sycophant if she tries to apologise. Just cool smiles and a polite distance if you see her out and about.

Upshot is this is all WAY beneath you and far too juvenile to waste your time with.

Join a local running group - make (real) new friends and leave them to their petty bitchfest.

Viviennemary · 16/10/2014 16:49

Don't contact her. I would try and get it to her on the grapevine that you are quite relieved the sessions with her were finished but she was really boring company and a bit immature. Which she is.

Notmadeofrib · 16/10/2014 16:50

Roussette is right! silence

Rainbunny · 16/10/2014 17:07

Yes - silence. Especially if you're like me and a little bit revenge-minded, silence from you will let her stew in her own juices. Trust me, she's probably worrying about this incident far more than you should.

Smokedsalmonbagel · 16/10/2014 17:30

Gosh what a bitch, really feel for you OP.
One of my close friends is currently getting pally with a school mum I've known a long time but has never seem interested in me. Finding it a bit worrying but not sure if im overreacting.
Agree don't contact her. Continue to smile and be polite! The guilt will get to her!!!

500Decibels · 16/10/2014 17:30

Yes to silence being powerful! Don't contact her.

BMW6 · 16/10/2014 17:49

Agree with those who advise silence is the best weapon. What a pair of utter bitches. Your "friend" is not worthy of you.

Join a running group and show this pair a clean pair of heels Flowers

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 16/10/2014 18:02

She sounds like a user and a loser OP. Not to mention a liar. Sounds like your approach of pleasant dismissal is for the best, shows her she can't affect you and doesn't matter.

Waltermittythesequel · 16/10/2014 18:07

Another vote for silence. Nothing will bother her more.

Pair of cows!

sonjadog · 16/10/2014 18:11

That's horrible. I would be very upset too if I were you.

Is there a running group nearby that you can join? Or do you know anyone else you can start running with? I wouldn't bother with her again.

ADishBestEatenCold · 16/10/2014 18:17

"Friend looked very sheepish and said hello and I just said a cheery but quick hello back and carried on walking."

I think your response, when you saw them both again, was absolutely perfect! Well done!!!

If you can, you should continue that way ... maybe even tone down the cheeriness of the hello ... pleasant, but really rather distant, as if you know you've met them somewhere but you can't quite think who they are. It will bother her (even if she manages to keep that hidden).

I don't blame you for shedding some tears over this, FeelingSadAboutIt. I think most of us would, but you are already a better person than either of them could ever be.

EvilEmperorZurg · 16/10/2014 18:18

How hurtful. They probably weren't laughing about you but the whole lying thing is so demeaning.

I think you have to tackle her - assertively - about this. Primarily so that you can say your piece: that what she did was shoddy and low. I wouldn't care what she has to say in return but think that long-term you will feel better about having said what you think.

EvilEmperorZurg · 16/10/2014 18:20

By assertively I mean NOT by text but in person. Ask how she was running when her back was sore? and if she tries suggesting going running with her again say I'd rather not thanks. See ya!

anyoldname76 · 16/10/2014 18:23

I agree, as difficult as it will be I wouldn't text her. Just act like you don't give a shit. Join a proper running club and make new friends.

Nessalina · 16/10/2014 18:29

Good work OP, you've managed to keep your cool so well, and as others have said, just continue not to rise to it. Don't text, smile distantly when you see her, and find some lovely new folks to run with!
If she gets in touch with you, be civil and no more!
You're well within your rights to be upset about this, I'd have totally gone home and had a little cry Sad But you've dealt with it well and with dignity - she will be feeling like a proper turd about now!

magoria · 16/10/2014 18:30

Was she hoping you wouldn't find out or what on earth was she going to carry on using as an excuse!

Delete her number and find yourself a running club. What a lying cow.

At least you know now rather than her being nice to your face at school whilst lying to you.

Dignified silence all the way. I wouldn't even bother with the cheery hello in future just a nod with no smile.