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Original poster

to not know what to do about Santa

333 replies

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 15/10/2014 13:27

DH suggested I ask you lovely ladies for advice Grin. And yes, I know it's not even Halloween yet...

I have a DD, who is two. We are coming up to her first Christmas where she might have a vague idea of what is going on and could understand a little about the various customs. I'm not religious, so Christmas for me is just a mid-winter feast/party/bit of time off work that I can spend with my DH/DD. The problem I have is what to do about St Nick. I can't decide if I should tell her he is real (and have to disabuse her later/risk having her spot that mummy lied) or perhaps take a different approach (in which case what approach?).

In part, I wonder if Terry Pratchett has it right and you have to tell children the small lies (tooth fairy, Santa) in order that they can later wrap their minds around the big 'lies' we use in society in order to be society (truth, justice,...). On the other hand, it just feels really wrong to me.

OP posts:
chocolateyvelvet · 15/10/2014 19:00

Maybe some are like me and not fussed either way :)

You can overthink some stuff Wink

Delphiniumsblue · 15/10/2014 19:00

Maybe it is all about imagination. You just have to hope that parents and children match up- it is very difficult if they don't.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 15/10/2014 19:12

I think your the exception surely though chocolate?

One other thing to remember in most areas, all children will be celebrating, expecting FC< so its highly likley your child will be the only one without parents doing it at home, it will be n tv, in media, in plays and books, and all around, wherever you go people will be asking what they want for xmas and stuff....YOU are saying its not real but the full force of xmas will be telling your child it is real and that teh child should be expecting him to come.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 15/10/2014 19:13

Delphiumun even in the most po faced parents they have all done FC!!! not all out like some, but most have made some effort when their dc was young!

chocolateyvelvet · 15/10/2014 19:34

We do celebrate Christmas. Just don't go on about fc!

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 19:40

Of course you lie to your children.

Mine have been told they are the cleverest most beautiful children in the whole wide world. Obviously that's true. Grin

We did santa and elves and fairies and toys talking and Easter bunny and autumn pixies scattering leaves and talking squirrels and cats and reindeers and god knows what else. It's fun.

Mine arnt too traumatised now as youngest 15...

We are atheists too if that matters a fook.

Waltonswatcher · 15/10/2014 19:42

My dd 2 has a nervous disposition . She's a switched on cookie and I think she's figured out early that bad things happen.
I'm concerned that the concept of FC is going to completely freak her out. It doesn't really fit in with my parenting style at all.
Tough one this. It must surely confuse the logical world that some kids see.

5madthings · 15/10/2014 19:47

I am the same as lemonade on p1 totally into the magic, my kids are 15, 12, 9, 6 and 3 now, the elder ones play along for the little ones, they all love it.

Yesterday ds4 lost his first tooth so the tooth fairy came, I wrote a note from the tooth fairy and sprinkled glitter all over his bedroom floor! He is 6 and I don't know if he really believed but he loved it and my three year old thought it was fantastic she was trying to pick up the 'fairy dust'.

Imo they are only little once and these things are fun, magical and harmless. Meh I am just a big kid myself and I love it!

5madthings · 15/10/2014 19:47

We are also atheists.

HaroldLloyd · 15/10/2014 19:48

Bring on the magic.

biscuitsandbandages · 15/10/2014 19:56

DSs (4 and 6) believe santa is real as ive never told them otherwise. .. but ive never told them he is either as we dont 'do' christmas, prefering to make the Eids our big family celebrations.

They are fine with this and at least eid can always be special as there is no magic to grow out of. We make the excitement by being with family and exchanging gifts etc.

My eldest thinks the tooth fairy is real. .. but not as quick as Allah ( who organised for a tooth/coin swop before the tooth fairy had her wings on!) Smile

biscuitsandbandages · 15/10/2014 19:59

Ps. Please dont tell children that if santa doesnt come to a child it means they are bad or naughty. Thats the one thing last year that almost got me to the point of having to tell the boys the truth.... as they were upset a little girl told them they must be bad for santa not to come.Sad

Kato77 · 15/10/2014 20:03

I can't ever remember believing that Santa was real but loved all the fun surrounding him.

DH & I had a fanatastic time when our kids we as young as yours by buying stocking fillers without each other knowing and we also do each other a stocking. Our DCs are now 10 & 12 and old enough to know that Santa is made up but we all still go along with it because its all part of the fun of Xmas.

The only regret I have is that because DH is a raging atheist, Xmas has no religious significance any more and has just turned into a consumption fest. Even though I am not religious I still love all the Christian trappings assocated with Xmas and have tried to instill them in my DCs - its about peace/ love/ good will to all etc.

HavanaSlife · 15/10/2014 20:05

I still haven't told the 19 and 11 year old hes not real.

Brassrubbing · 15/10/2014 20:12

To all the people who are on their high horses about those of us who don't do Literally True Santa being unimaginative and prosaic, could I just say I'm a novelist? I spend my days making shit up. Unimaginativeness is not something I've ever been accused of.

Look, I don't mind at all what you tell your children. I can't get exercised about what happens in your house. I don't think you're wrong to do Santa, and I certainly don't show up on these threads accusing you of over-imaginativeness and a childish over-investment in Father Christmas and the idea of a certain kind of childhood innocence - I've just made a different choice. It's no reflection on your own choices. My son is fine and happy, is looking forward to Halloween and Christmas, and already wants to get his wooden snowman advent calendar out of the attic. He's not some joyless, present-less, magic-deprived waif.

FionaJT · 15/10/2014 20:18

I was always a bit unsure about this, and don't remember ever truly believing in him as a child (although that never spoilt the fun).

I think the problem is that some people choose to create a very complex, literal, consciously thought through fantasy to keep their children believing as long as possible (visits, letters, elves, footprints in the snow etc etc) which is fine if that's what you like, but lots of us don't.

For those of us that feel a bit uncomfortable with that it's perfectly possible to be much more low key, just go with the flow and still have a magical Christmas. Let them ask, be a bit mysterious, say you've never seen him but that's what people say happens, have a twinkle in your eye. When they are little that's enough to keep them excited, when they are old enough to read the signs they will rumble you. (Just like pretty much every other aspect of parenting!) You don't have to go over the top in creating the myth, just let them become aware of it and go along with it as long as they want to.

Roomsdoom · 15/10/2014 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grannymcphee · 15/10/2014 20:32

I can't believe that any parent would deny their child the magic of Christmas. At 2 years old a child does not get excited but given another couple of years with nursery and then school, then the excitement begins and it is truly magical. The run up to Christmas with school/nursery plays, the shops all Christmassy, putting up your tree and lights all help to prepare them for the big day. The excitement on Christmas Eve because 'HE' is coming tonight and then waking up on Christmas Day. From the first shout on Christmas morning of "Santa's been" ,and then you see your childrens' faces when they rip open their presents and they are shaking with excitement there is nothing to beat it. Don't deny your child, or yourself, that magic! You will regret it if you do.

kaffkooks · 15/10/2014 20:40

I have a similar aged son and so have been thinking about this too op, so you're not alone. Like Kato, I think Christmas has become all about consumption and I think the current coca cola invented version of Santa contributes to this. We've decided that Santa will bring our son a few wee things (enough to fit in oner of Daddy's socks) but that major present will be from us. We're not going to make a big thing of it.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 20:41

I vividly remember ds the about 5 whispering up his brother aged 6 outside our room, he's come he's come as he saw the stockings hanging outside their door.

As they got older they insisted on doing the magic for their sisters.

All are fairly well balanced teens and adults now. Grin

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 20:44

There's years of harsh reality ahead of them you know.

Make the magic last as long as you can I say.

bigbluestars · 15/10/2014 20:45

lemonade-

"Santa IS real. Santa is the spirit of Christmas. There might not be a red man with a beard who delivers presents but the magic of Christmas IS real.

We live in a complete fantasy land in my house. It is wonderful. Fairies and Santa and the Easter bunny and magic elves. I am not lying to my children. I am making their lives a little bit wonderful and magical before the mundane drudgery of real life sets in.

I believe in Santa Claus wink grin"

I love this post- it is exactly how things are in my house. Santa is real- he lives in a very magical place- the world of the imagination. I have always loved the icon of Santa at christmas, and spinning the santa magic. As a result we still have the "Santa Magic" in our house- even though my kids are teenagers, we can still indulge our imaginations and feel the magic of christmas.

We also have a brownie living in our house- but that's another story.....

KnittedJimmyChoos · 15/10/2014 20:46
  • DH is a raging atheist, Xmas has no religious significance any more and has just turned into a consumption fest

Isnt that interesting, dh is in atheistist but not a raging one and he would say we dont need religion to inject warmth and humanity etc into our lives..ie we dont need to be told these things.

I think religious or no, the very story of jesus a king born in a humble stable is a story for all humanity and never more prevalent than today, i dont see why you need to belive in jesus to think about the story and its message....

KnittedJimmyChoos · 15/10/2014 20:49

Roomsdoom Wed 15-Oct-14 20:31:52

I hope you informed his parents of his comments and disposition so they could rub their hands in glee that their kid wasnt the stupid believer sat there enjoying themselves giddy with excitment.

bigbluestars · 15/10/2014 20:52

I have a secular/pagan christmas. No jesus at all. Yes christmas was hijacked by the church ( and banned in scotland by the church for 400 years as being a pagan festival), but now it's there for all to celebrate.

No-one owns christmas. Atheists have as much right to the celebration as christians do.