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Original poster

to not know what to do about Santa

333 replies

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 15/10/2014 13:27

DH suggested I ask you lovely ladies for advice Grin. And yes, I know it's not even Halloween yet...

I have a DD, who is two. We are coming up to her first Christmas where she might have a vague idea of what is going on and could understand a little about the various customs. I'm not religious, so Christmas for me is just a mid-winter feast/party/bit of time off work that I can spend with my DH/DD. The problem I have is what to do about St Nick. I can't decide if I should tell her he is real (and have to disabuse her later/risk having her spot that mummy lied) or perhaps take a different approach (in which case what approach?).

In part, I wonder if Terry Pratchett has it right and you have to tell children the small lies (tooth fairy, Santa) in order that they can later wrap their minds around the big 'lies' we use in society in order to be society (truth, justice,...). On the other hand, it just feels really wrong to me.

OP posts:
Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 20:54

KnittedJimmyChoos

Absolutely. Great posts.

HolgerDanske · 15/10/2014 21:08

I haven't read the whole thread (sorry) so I'm sorry if this is the 150th time this has been mentioned. I'd just like to say, before you choose whether or not to 'lie' to your daughter, have a read of this letter

www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa

IMO it explains very well one concept of the positive message that we give our children when we indulge in the magic of Christmas. I love it. I actually think that childhood is so short, that window of time where everything can be right in the world is so precious and should be celebrated. I think it's a shame to deprive a child of the chance to believe in magic if only for a few years. By the time she's old enough to realise it's not strictly true, she'll understand why we all play along.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 15/10/2014 23:11

Holger that made me cry! Its about so much more....

itsonlysubterfuge · 15/10/2014 23:24

I've never told my DD a lie and she is a toddler. I don't understand why you would need to lie to them about anything?

I remember feeling let down and upset when I found out that Santa wasn't real. I stopped believing when I was quite old because I was convinced that my parents would never lie to me especially when I asked them to 'tell me the truth is Santa real or not?' and them assuring me he was real. Yes I can look back and remember things fondly, but I also understand not wanting to lie to your children.

HolgerDanske · 15/10/2014 23:29

We all lie to our children in one way or another, probably from day one. About little things and about big things. It's a necessary evil. Coming to terms with that knowledge is part and parcel of growing up.

But that's probably a discussion for another day Smile

HolgerDanske · 15/10/2014 23:31

Oh and Knitted, it makes me cry too.

Ericaequites · 16/10/2014 00:13

Tell your child the truth: some people believe in Santa, but we do not. I find the whole Santa story rank consumerism at its worse. Besides, it's a vulgar American custom.

BiscuitMillionaire · 16/10/2014 00:20

You don't have to 'lie' to her. It's not as if you sit her down and say, I need to tell you about this fat guy who lives at the north pole. You just hang up a stocking or don't. You give presents from yourself and/or stocking presents with no labels that appear magically overnight.

The only tricky bit is when they're about 6 and they ask you if Santa is real. I fluffed this a bit by answering, you can choose what you believe. IME they half-know as they get beyond about 5 that it's not real, but choose to go along with it for the excitement and fun.

ozymandiusking · 16/10/2014 00:31

Trisis, Please can you tell me what age these books are suitable for?
Thank you

Silverdaisy · 16/10/2014 00:38

Isn't life serious enough? I think children should be allowed this pleasure.

LittleBearPad · 16/10/2014 00:53

Holger Smile

TheWholeOfTheSpoon · 16/10/2014 01:29

We live in a predominantly Jewish area. Obviously, when we moved here, the whole Father Christmas (or Santa as he's known here) came into play. It's really easy to have different beliefs about the festive season and still play them all to the kids. It's less about what they believe and more about how you make whatever season magical for them. They're kids! They should have a little magic!

Erica It's not a vulgar American custom at all.

CheerfulYank · 16/10/2014 01:39

Don't do it if you are deeply uncomfortable with it; I know people who don't.

I love Santa though!

I'm also religious and believe in the possibility of pretty much everything. :o Oddly enough, many people I know who don't do Santa are deeply religious.

CheerfulYank · 16/10/2014 01:40

Pmsl Erica! Is there nothing we tacky Americans cannot be accused of?! :o

Hasn't FC been around since before America existed?

ShowMeTheWonder · 16/10/2014 06:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 16/10/2014 06:59

We do Santa but I'm not militant about him believing in it all. He's 6 and sometimes asks if Santa is real, I smile and say "what do you think" and he usually says he's real. If he works it out I won't go to any lengths to convince him it's real, but equally I'm not telling him myself that it's not.
Santa is a fun story as far as I'm concerned and fun stories are part of childhood. Children are all about the imagination and it's hardly religious propaganda.

LaurieMarlow · 16/10/2014 07:00

Erica, that's rubbish. The traditions around St Nicholas originate in Europe in the Middle Ages.

nooka · 16/10/2014 07:03

I grew up in a religious family and we didn't have any Father Christmas related traditions. I don't recall knowing other families that particularly 'did' Santa either, it all seemed much lower key back in the 70s. Some families had stockings which I quite liked the idea of, but I can't remember if they were from FC or from family. I have never felt that I missed out in any way. Christmas was great and exciting and full of joy (food, family and presents, what's not to enjoy really?).

We didn't do Santa for our children, I would have found it quite hard because it's not my tradition and also because there are parts of the Santa story that I really don't like, at least when taken to extremes (eg all gifts from Santa, no reciprocation or thanks). Plus to me imagination is something you create for yourself, so being told Santa is real, and especially given the lengths some families go to to make Santa real (NORAD etc) to me means that imagination is not actually involved. Small children just believe their parents and everyone else, totally different from the stories they make up for themselves in my mind.

Having said that I can see for many families it is obviously great fun, especially for parents, and that's cool. Just not for me. My children are teens now and seem completely unbothered by the whole thing, express no regrets (and they are of an age when they sure would tell me if it was an issue!). dd is an artist and a writer, so no lack of imagination issues either.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 16/10/2014 07:09

FC is great.
Magical. Special. Feeds their imaginations, without which we would be quite dull.
Why remove that sparkle from Christmas? In childhood? Why divide them apart from their peers? If you tell them fc isn't real then they have to collude with you in not telling other children too. It seems too grown up, too much responsibility.
Im with Terry Pratchett on this one.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 16/10/2014 07:13

I was a small child in the 70s. Christmas was less commercial. But fc was still an important part of it. I don't think there was a huge deal made of him tbh. It was a "knowledge" we gained through some sort of social osmosis.
Leaving a mince pie and brandy out for dad. I can distinctly remember hearing sleigh bells as a child.
And i had the satisfaction of rumbling my DM when i learned the "truth". That in itself was a rite of passage.

bigbluestars · 16/10/2014 07:24

Erica - Laurie is quite right when she says Santa Claus has his origins in Europe- although St Nicholas was a 4th Century christian Turkish/Greek Bishop.

However this is not the only source of the Santa figure. In Scandinavia the old Norse God Odin rides the night sky, landing on roofs, coming down chimneys, the Celic Yule god, or goat God of the forest, often seen depicted as the cloaked green man- all this predates christianity.

Not an American invention at all.

Delphiniumsblue · 16/10/2014 07:32

I was a small child in the 1950s and FC was definitely a big part of Christmas for me and all my friends. I would agree that it wasn't so commercial, but the stocking and the thought of the reindeer in the rooftops was magical.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 16/10/2014 07:45

Yes delphinium it was magical.
Its still a memory i can call on for a good feeling.

nooka · 16/10/2014 07:59

I have magical memories of trying to stay awake to see my father put my Christmas morning present on the end of my bed. I think I managed it once Grin I loved Christmas traditions, making mince pies, decorating, making presents etc. You really can have wonderful, special Christmases without Santa. They are just different.

Delphiniumsblue · 16/10/2014 08:01

It is one of those memories that no one can take away- it still gives a good feeling and was part of a very happy childhood. I can't understand anyone not wanting a bit of magic in their lives- but each to their own. If you don't understand it then best not to bother.