to not know what to do about Santa

[KleineDracheKokosnuss]

DH suggested I ask you lovely ladies for advice . And yes, I know it's not even Halloween yet...

I have a DD, who is two. We are coming up to her first Christmas where she might have a vague idea of what is going on and could understand a little about the various customs. I'm not religious, so Christmas for me is just a mid-winter feast/party/bit of time off work that I can spend with my DH/DD. The problem I have is what to do about St Nick. I can't decide if I should tell her he is real (and have to disabuse her later/risk having her spot that mummy lied) or perhaps take a different approach (in which case what approach?).

In part, I wonder if Terry Pratchett has it right and you have to tell children the small lies (tooth fairy, Santa) in order that they can later wrap their minds around the big 'lies' we use in society in order to be society (truth, justice,...). On the other hand, it just feels really wrong to me.

Oh gosh I hadn't even noticed that this wasn't in 'the topic'.

I'm sure someone will sort it ASAP.

There is a red emergency "wrong topic" button at the bottom of this page. I suggest it gets activated before any more sensibilities are offended.

Ah so it's to protect people. Very noble.

AIBI topics have many ranging subjects, a quick look though I can find areas such as domestic violence, divorce, bereavement, rape, abuse, adultery.

I understand that some people find christmas a difficult time, but compared to some of the topics on the AIBU it seems fairly tame.
I don't see anything in the talk guidelines forbidding a christmas discussion on the AIBU area.

There are good reasons for it being a separate topic, but it is a big thing for a lot of people, and the occasional thread is going to squeak through onto other boards, even this early. As a subject it combines holidays, family, kids, money, food, crafts..it's going to spill over, and not everyone is going to think of the Christmas topic if they've got a family or parenting dilemma regarding it.

I think it's surely best to pm the poster or mnhq in these instances and just request it is moved rather than complaining about it on thread, there will always be newer posters who don't know and it always descends into snippiness and misunderstandings. You can be annoyed at the presence of a thread marked Santa, but you don't have to join it.

I thought the christmas boards were for people who enjoyed christmas, so

1. I am not sure a thread such as this is the right place for it, as its anti xmas in feeling,
2. because its anti xmas in feeling would op get more comments perhaps supporting her point of view there? Its far more likely she will get more balanced views here.

I agree Spook.

I have nothing against Christmas. I just find taking children to see Santa and pose with him for pictures tacky. I am an American who finds the unseen and undetectable Father Christmas as classier.

Cross posted.

I'm so sorry mrsdevere

I think it's a very difficult thing, Mumsnet's own secret santa thread is a discussion of the day. Maybe something more is needed on this, it is a shame for what is a relatively trivial subject to cause such upset.

Why wouldn't you know how other people do christmas? It's an interesting topic of conversation for many in RL.

I do if they are Dutch/ German friends etc but not in the way that you get here as in 'I am right and you are wrong'. I can't think why it gets so heated and nasty-upsetting people-why does it matter? If you are not comfortable then don't do it.

Arf at unseen Santa.

mrsdevere- I am not immune to the sadness that many feel at christmas time. My husband died on christmas eve. I lost my father at an early age a week before christmas.

But that is no reason to silence people talking about the subject.
Should I object to people talking about weddings because I have am a widow?

You are being rude and unreasonable.

Mrs D and bigbluestars and if I may say to me and to anyone else who has lost someone at xmas time. Loss at any time is so painful and of course when media and all else is flooding us with perfect family images it can be bitter or sad.

Christmas can also however be a time of happiness in a sea of misery and some people also cling to it for that reason.

And the nice thing about Christmas is that it is personal choice -you do not have to do anything.

I've not read all the thread. Sorry.

I don't see the distinction between there IS a Santa and there ISNT a Santa is quite as black and white terms as other posters.

My kids were never told Santa was real but we all played along with the fantasy of Santa just as we played lots of make believe games. My kids never actually believed he existed but were still putting milk out for Santa when there were 6 or 7. It's like the Easter bunny or the tooth fairy - it's fun and exciting.

OP - if your DD asks if Santa is real I would put the question back at her and ask her what she thinks.

Oh dear, I have now read most of the thread.

I bet the OP wishes she hadn't bothered asking now. .

It is interesting to hear about the way other ppl handle this.
In rl i don't think i know of families who "do" christmas but don't "do" Santa iyswim, so Its good to see it here.

I think DS heard from us about FC. (We do do Fc) But if we hadn't mentioned it then by now he would be talking about it as he would have heard from his peers. And i'm not sure I would have been able to disabuse him of his new found belief.

So sorry to people who are struggling with Christmas issues. I spend a fair bit of the run- up quite sad because of the fact that its a time lots of ppl find painful.

Evening all. Just dropping by with a quick reminder of our Talk Guidelines: www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette. Santa may or may not be watching so let's hide the buns stash before he sees, eh? For the moment we aren't going to move this thread to the Christmas topic because the discussion seems to be about quite a lot more than 'just Christmas'.

Thanks Iona.