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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not know what to do about Santa

333 replies

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 15/10/2014 13:27

DH suggested I ask you lovely ladies for advice Grin. And yes, I know it's not even Halloween yet...

I have a DD, who is two. We are coming up to her first Christmas where she might have a vague idea of what is going on and could understand a little about the various customs. I'm not religious, so Christmas for me is just a mid-winter feast/party/bit of time off work that I can spend with my DH/DD. The problem I have is what to do about St Nick. I can't decide if I should tell her he is real (and have to disabuse her later/risk having her spot that mummy lied) or perhaps take a different approach (in which case what approach?).

In part, I wonder if Terry Pratchett has it right and you have to tell children the small lies (tooth fairy, Santa) in order that they can later wrap their minds around the big 'lies' we use in society in order to be society (truth, justice,...). On the other hand, it just feels really wrong to me.

OP posts:
bigbluestars · 17/10/2014 10:32

giles- but you are not just disagreeing but attacking the topic under discussion suggesting it's not worth discussing. That is what's rude.

GilesGirl · 17/10/2014 10:33

Oh okay. Sure. If you say so.

WorraLiberty · 17/10/2014 10:37

bigbluestars at no point did I say it bores me

On the contrary it gives me great amusement to see so many people getting their knickers in a knot, about keeping up/not keeping up an age old tradition because of 'lies' Grin

As I said, meanwhile in real life...

UltraNumb · 17/10/2014 11:34

quite frankly, i agree with Giles, i think anyone who seriously has a problem in 'lieing' to their kids about Santa has a fucking screw loose.

thegreylady · 17/10/2014 11:43

My dgd has grown up in Turkey. Her family there is Muslim and of course her dad (my ds) is not. Father Christmas came to her on Christmas Eve until she was 6 when she asked me why Santa came to her and not to her friends. She asked me to ask him to visit Turkey :) That December I visited with 20 little socks full of small toys and sweets and asked the teacher to let me tell the children a story. We told them about the real St Nicholas who was from Myra in Turkey and how in some countries children have stockings with presents because of St Nicholas' generosity. I then gave each child a little sock.
Dgd was delighted but by the following year by which time she was 8 she was telling the story, enjoying her stocking, trees and gifts and vowing to tell her own dc about Santa when she grew up.

RufusTheReindeer · 17/10/2014 12:18

The only three lies I have told my children is

Santa is real

The tooth fairy is real

There are no monsters

When dd asked me to tell her the truth about Santa I did, but I did say that it's a symbol and it's ok to believe in the spirit of Christmas when everyone seems a bit happier. And just because he doesn't leave a present and you can't see him doesn't mean that it's not real...

And at 15, 12 and 11 they still leave the milk, mince pie and carrot out (no DH! Not whiskey!!!!!!!)

And the magic key so he can get in the house and the lantern outside...not stopping that, nothing like chewing on a bit of carrot to leave reindeer teeth at stupid o'clock Christmas Eve!!

My SIL has never done Santa and her now grown up children are just as happy at Christmas as mine are

fishfingerSarnies · 17/10/2014 12:22

Is it a lie or is it make believe?

RufusTheReindeer · 17/10/2014 12:23

I think it's make believe when they are little

But to be honest with the 15 year it's now outright lying!!!!

Although he has never asked...too afraid of not getting a present!!

Grin
bigbluestars · 17/10/2014 12:37

Ha ha- Rufus- I am the same to my 17 year old. He treats me like a mad old bat at times.

He still hangs up his stocking though!!!

NinjaLeprechaun · 17/10/2014 12:38

But Santa doesn't bring the main presents in our house (I've never understood that, surely kids should be thanking the people who really gave them?) He fills stockings with well, stocking fillers.
Interesting. I always did the opposite.
I never felt the need to be thanked for the presents, that wasn't why I was buying them - in fact, I think it was more fun because it absolutely wasn't about me at all. (And I didn't have to put up with constant requests to 'buy me this for Christmas'.)

I liked being Santa every bit as much as a parent as I did as a child. Maybe more.

RufusTheReindeer · 17/10/2014 12:40

big

DH used to stand outside his door waving some bells...stopped a few years ago when he said "is that you daddy?"

Another bit of magic gone Sad

Grin
NinjaLeprechaun · 17/10/2014 12:40

That last sentence didn't make much sense, let me try again...

*I liked being Santa as a parent every bit as much as I liked believing in Santa as a child. Maybe more.

Better.

NinjaLeprechaun · 17/10/2014 12:44

The only three lies I have told my children is

Santa is real

The tooth fairy is real

There are no monsters

You remind me of a quote that may be relevant to this discussion. I can't remember who said it, and I'm probably paraphrasing, but:
"Children don't need fairy tales to tell them monsters are real. Children know monsters are real. Children need fairy tales to tell them that monsters can be defeated."
So do we all, I think.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 17/10/2014 13:12

There are so many more important things to discuss than whether or not some fat fucker in a red suit brings gifts or if your parents spent too much money on you themselves.

There were in my family far more important things to discuss and going on in our lives than FC.

Its importance to meThe magic of christmas ( a lean 70s' xmas) was crucial to me, especially when then trying to deal with all the far more important stuff.

Fun and magic are important.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 17/10/2014 13:16

HolgerDanske Fri 17-Oct-14 08:11:52 I think most people do just go along with it Holger, I have never known anyone sit DC down to inform them of the existance of FC.

Cant we have a special sort of corral for these threads. Grin

Do you mean for the miseries of christmas threads, I would want such a topic infecting us over on the christmas board Shock we are all strong lovers and believers there its a safe and warm place for us to retreat too....

HaroldLloyd · 17/10/2014 13:19

How about a Grinch topic?

KnittedJimmyChoos · 17/10/2014 13:20

quite frankly, i agree with Giles, i think anyone who seriously has a problem in 'lieing' to their kids about Santa has a fucking screw loose.

Did Giles say this?

KnittedJimmyChoos · 17/10/2014 13:21

grinch topic

Great idea.

But please, no threads like this over in xmas Shock.

Maryz · 17/10/2014 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 17/10/2014 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackOnlyBriefly · 17/10/2014 14:19

I think mostly people don't insist it's actually real, but some certainly do. We've had people post in the past who were furious that their dc had found out in school that santa was just a story.

When you get a poster angrily confronting parents whose dc let it out or saying to their dc "no, your classmates are lying!" then you know it's got a bit out of hand.

Mummyboo30 · 17/10/2014 15:14

I think perhaps OP ought to watch miracle on 34th street, and consider the small girl's desperation about wanting to believe in Santa Claus...
her mum didn't want to lie to her, and she may well have still enjoyed christmas... But where was the magic?

DN isn't allowed to believe in Santa. His mum celebrates Yule, and has outright told him since he was about 2 that there is no Santa and that he's not to expect him to come on Christmas Day.
Last year, DN spend Christmas at his GPs house (without his mum), aged 6, and he was so keen to get involved in putting out the mince pie etc, and so excited by the stocking from Santa in the morning, it was incredible.
I don't know whether there was any changes in. His belief, but he loved having the magic as part of his christmas. Smile

OP, How about trying to 'do' Santa this year, and see how you get on with it? She's only two, if you decide to tone down the Santa-ness after giving it a proper go, she may not remember this Xmas well enough to tell the difference anyway.

Besides, it's not lying. Santa is just the embodiment of Christmas spirit.
If you believe in the magic of christmas - making the world a little brighter, bringing families closer and celebrating a lovely time being together - Santa is just an extension of that.

MrsDeVere · 17/10/2014 15:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spookgremlin · 17/10/2014 16:07

Well, aibu isn't for a particular topic, it's nebulous.

It's easy enough to avoid a thread with 'Santa' in the title. You know who's coming to town. Or not, in the OP's case.

buffythemuffinslayer · 17/10/2014 16:11

TBH I think you just role with it - as everyone else has said. DS is almost 4 and just through osmosis, is firmly on the FC Exists bandwagon. To tell him otherwise would result in tears, for no gain.

FWIW I found out FC didn't exist when I was 6 or 7, and caught my mother EATING FATHER CHRISTMAS' MINCE PIES. Lovely DM fell on her sword and tried to claim she was thieving from FC. But I knew better. I wasn't traumatised, and now it's a funny story.