to not know what to do about Santa

[KleineDracheKokosnuss]

DH suggested I ask you lovely ladies for advice . And yes, I know it's not even Halloween yet...

I have a DD, who is two. We are coming up to her first Christmas where she might have a vague idea of what is going on and could understand a little about the various customs. I'm not religious, so Christmas for me is just a mid-winter feast/party/bit of time off work that I can spend with my DH/DD. The problem I have is what to do about St Nick. I can't decide if I should tell her he is real (and have to disabuse her later/risk having her spot that mummy lied) or perhaps take a different approach (in which case what approach?).

In part, I wonder if Terry Pratchett has it right and you have to tell children the small lies (tooth fairy, Santa) in order that they can later wrap their minds around the big 'lies' we use in society in order to be society (truth, justice,...). On the other hand, it just feels really wrong to me.

Ah ok so I think I see what the problem is, here. I just assumed that people don't actually state directly to their children: this is Santa, he is definitely real. Now we are going to believe, yes completely believe, this for years until one day I will tell you that actually I LIED!

I didn't realise people approach it that way. FWIW I never played it that way. I approached it exactly as any other imaginative game I might have played with the children every day at nursery when I worked in child care. There isn't any reason to actually lie about it. You play the game and the children play along. They might truly believe it for a few years, but that's more because their little minds are filling in all the blanks and the grown ups are letting it happen. It's not because someone actually sat them down and categorically lied.

When they start to ask questions you can take all the fun out of it by saying yes actually it's all just a load of rubbish, I don't know why we bother, or you can give them a bit longer to enjoy the magic by saying something along the lines of, well what do you think? Or any variety of non-committal answers. Sure you're lying by omission but you're not actually lying.

I never understand this "only on mumsnet, never in rl" nonsense. I'm guessing the posters on mumsnet are also people in rl, just the anonymity and design of the site mean you can talk about things more freely and in more depth and get a wider range of opinions than with your one or two mates.

So what it's trivial? I'll talk about a news story on one thread, children's health on another, Santa Claus on this one. Like bigbluestars said, post or don't post but why do people have to be so bloody rude to the OP?

giles if this is such a big yawn why arer you wasting your precious time on this thread.

It's surely even less important to be discussing the motivations of such a discussion than actually discussing these topics.

But Santa/Father Christmas is real........ I'm Father Christmas in this house, same as I'm the nursemaid when the DC are sick, I'm the tooth Fairy when teeth fall out, storyteller at bedtime, the goalie when they want to play football, Doc McS's newest patient when they're playing games.
I've never outright lied to my children but there have been plenty of little white lies and they have never done any of them any harm.

We all tell lies.

I met my Mum's friend last week, she is getting married for the first time in her late 50s.

She excitedly showed me the outfit she had bought from Primark.

It was hideous. Did I tell her that? No.

Why do you care Bigbluestars?

Why do you care enough to comment giles?

Why do you care why I care?

giles I don't know why you are being antagonistic here. You have made it perfectly clear that you don't care about anyones views here "who gives a fuck?"

But then you ask me why I care.

As you have made your feelings clear on the OPs topic, I suggest you just jog on and stop being rude.

I'm sorry, did Justine retire and leave you Mumsnet to run?

That was to bigbluestars, obviously, not MrsDeVere.

We do MrsDevere but the threads have escaped and are rampaging across all of mumsnet.

We still do the Santa thing even though my kids are teenagers.

I have my niece coming to stay from abroad ( she is in her 30s) and her parents didn't do the tree/Santa/stocking thing. She feels a little hard done by. So this year we are going all out to give her a big Santa christmas, including hanging her stocking, baking biscuits for santa- the whole thing.

Giles you're clearly having a fairly cruddy morning. I hope it gets better but you might want to move on if this thread is going to wind you up

I get people EVERY year telling me that I'm cruel for not "letting" my children believe in Father Christmas.

It's just not what we do as a family.

it's not just a mumsnet thing.

I'm actually having an excellent morning, thanks for your concern.

And I'm not actually wound up. But I think bigbluestars might be.

OP- how did your parents handle the Santa/tooth fairy thing? Was Santa a part of your christmas when you were young?

My dad used to dress up as Santa to put our stockings in our rooms in case we saw him, which of course I did convincing me Santa was real for year longer than I ought to have believed. Do I think my parents are liers for trying to make Christmas that bit more exciting? Of course not, its ridiculous that this comes up time and again.

Oh this is such a Mumsnet 'problem'

Every single year it gets over thought and argued inside out.

Meanwhile in RL families just do their own thing and get on with having a good time.

Yes, but worra, you can't see their inner turmoil over whether the fat man should exist.

Some people are wrestling with the Shrodinger's Santa problem whilst they are carving the bird and pretending everything's jolly holly.

These threads get me in the festive spirit every year.

A truth that's told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent

worral - but that's what MN is for in part-. Maybe some people like discussing the subject at length, maybe their are new members who haven't discussed the issue yet.

I don't see what the problem is- if you want to discuss it do, if not then don't. Just because it bores some people doesn't mean it bores everyone, and I think those who come on here to criticise are just being rude.

MN forums are for everything from very serious issues from DV and bereavement to the trivial and lighthearted, and eveything inbetween.

Is this thread not serious enough for you- or as giles say "who gives a fuck". Well there are many active topics atm:

AIBU to have thought you wear a suspender belt UNDER your knickers?

The best cleanser and moisturiser on a budget?

AIBU To really dislike the Lego Friends figures?

Quilting weight cotton for curtains?

I think its offical. I am old and uncool.I booked Neil Diamond tickets earlier and I'm ridiculously excited.

Anyone doing the new series of Castle?

Some I may consider trivial and boring, but only a troll or someone with too much time on their hands goes wading in to be deliberately disruptive.

So it is deliberately disruptive to go on thread and disagree with the OP?

Interesting.

I haven't read the thread. I can't be bothered.

Rude, disruptive.

How is this even a problem?!?! Tell her, don't tell her, who gives a fuck?

Rude, disruptive.

Will know that mummy lies?!?!?! Seriously?!?!!

Rude, disruptive.

HTH