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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell neighbour to act nicely when the SN school bus blocks their drive?

251 replies

Andanotherthing123 · 15/10/2014 09:55

Right, am totally sleep deprived so I'm turning this over to you for some sensible opinions. My 4 year old gets collected by the SN school bus every morning. I live near a school and there are usually lots of cars parked outside our houses so it's difficult for the bus to find a space to pull into. My next door neighbour but one (two houses down from us) has the corner plot right at the end of our road and a drive leading to her house. She is elderly and has family who often pop in. She also has form (as do her visiting relatives) for being rude and unpleasant.

Three times this term visiting relatives have gone mad if they are stuck behind the bus as we get my son on, if there is no space for it to pull in. If it pulls in and blocks their drive in anyway, they repeatedly beep their horn or shout stuff at us until it's moved. Getting my son on the bus takes no longer than five minutes (usually a couple of minutes) but it's hard to hurry him as he finds leaving the house really, really hard because he doesn't cope well with change.

I know it's not great for them but aibu to think they could cut us some slack as there really isn't another option? Wibu to put a polite note through the door explaining the situation and asking for understanding or should I just let it go? I'm so angry about it that I worry next time it happens I'll loose the plot and get myself arrested.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/10/2014 09:59

YANBU to have a word and ask them to be patient

YABVU to do it via a note through the door.

They don't sound like pleasant people to talk to, but if you're going to have a polite word you need to bite the bullet.

Notes through doors tend to make the recipients even more angry, so they're likely to go marching down to your house, to ask what it's all about.

LadyLuck10 · 15/10/2014 10:02

Sorry but if their drive is being blocked off enough I can see why they are getting so frustrated.

bakingaddict · 15/10/2014 10:02

Rather than having to get your neighbour to change their attitude which is very hard and if they are that rude then they will probably just tell you to f**k off in a roundabout way could you not get some disabled bay for outside your house. The bus shouldn't really be using or blocking somebody else's driveway of a morning. Or do what a lot of people round my way do and stick the wheelie bins outside their house

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 10:03

Of course anyone rational would cut you some slack here but unfortunately some people are nasty.

However as it stands the driver shouldn't be blocking anyone's drive unless it's an emergency.

But my sympathy is totally with you op. Personally I would post a note through their door to explain the situation. What have you got to loose here.

In the meantime have a Thanks

skylark2 · 15/10/2014 10:04

I think I'd be a bit annoyed at a bus sitting blocking the road in front of me for 5 minutes for one child to get on. That's a long time if you're trying to do a quick check on an elderly relative on the way to work.

Do she/they know your little boy has SN? Is there an alternative for them, for instance if they go the other way round the block would they then be the right side of the bus to get into your neighbour's drive?

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 10:04

Or as worra says go around maybe with chocs.

Original poster
Andanotherthing123 · 15/10/2014 10:05

Agreed - I will avoid the note. I will try to catch up with them next time I see them at the house and be as nice as I can muster. I need to be prepared for a less than receptive response from them, so I might wait until I can get more sleep in roughly 10 years time.

OP posts:
Spindarella · 15/10/2014 10:07

I'm assuming the bus is the same time every morning? For 5 minutes at a time? You'd have to be really weird to get uptight about that, so I don't actually think popping a note through will help as presumably they can see why the bus is there and how long it's there for and they just don't care.

Only1scoop · 15/10/2014 10:08

I'd pop around and clear the air with her.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 10:08

They sound like rude impatient people.

I would ignore their shouting.

And maybe a note explaining might make them embarrassed. Probably not though.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 10:09

No way would I give them chocs for acting like dicks in front of children.

londonrach · 15/10/2014 10:10

Tbh the driver should be blocking someones drive. It must be ignoring. Imagine her friends are taking her to an appointment and this bus driver makes her late. Someone above had a good idea re the council and a disabled bay. Otherwise the box of chocs and pop over and calming ask if the driver can stop on her driveway to pick ip, drop off at x time. Forewarning her. Imagine if someone parking on your driveway every morning makes you late to drop off children or late for work.

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2014 10:10

Yes, a box of chocs is a great idea, or a bunch of flowers or something.

Original poster
Andanotherthing123 · 15/10/2014 10:11

Thing is, I they are not blocked in for five minutes each time and it's not their drive every day. And it's never ON their drive. Short of walking my son round to another road (and get the chaperone to call and tell me which road they've found a space on) we have no other option. We are on a bus route and I often get stuck behind the bus when the bus stop has been parked in. I just suck it up. It's just really horrible to be beeped and shouted at when I have my little boy with me.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 15/10/2014 10:12

Sorry but it's unreasonable to expect someone to be ok with getting blocked in every so often. They might be rude now because they're probably fed up of this happening.

Floggingmolly · 15/10/2014 10:13

They sound like complete arseholes. Why do the family need to visit right at the time the school bus arrives?? I'm assuming the driver doesn't actually take his tea break outside your house, so it's a matter of minutes?
Slightly sad thing to get deliberately wound up about.

tiggytape · 15/10/2014 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2014 10:15

Flogging, there could be all manner of reasons why they'd need to visit an elderly relative at that time.

On their way to work
To get her washed and dressed
To make sure she takes her medication

The list is endless

Only1scoop · 15/10/2014 10:15

I think speak to your neighbour and let her know that the beeping and shouting is causing more stress and hopefully she will see where you are coming from.

Surely it's all a bit give or take on a bus route.... busy road anyway.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 10:17

Im sure they can see a wee boy of 4 with SN taking his time to get on bus.

What kind of people beep and shout then?

Not people I would pander to with flowers and chocs.

HavanaSlife · 15/10/2014 10:17

They sound like nobs and also slightly stupid if the bus stops at the same time each day.

ouryve · 15/10/2014 10:18

If it's just a few minutes and not every day, then they're just being grumpy and unreasonable, really.

How does it take so long, btw? Does he need assistance? DS1 dives into his taxi and is off, before I can even say goodbye!

flipchart · 15/10/2014 10:18

Surely they can see its an SEN bus.
To be honest I think it's a driver issue. He's the one parked the bus there and I agree with others he should be responsible with the parking. However I understand how difficult it can be.

Can the transport department rearrange the pick up time so that your child gets picked up slightly earlier to avoid the congestion?
Can the driver park else where and you go to him, even fits to the corner of the street. I know a couple of families who do this. ( not ideal, just suggesting an option)

Failing that I guess you can ignore and let the driver be responsible but it means developing a thick skin.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 10:18

And not because if SN. Imagine if they beeped at some elderly person taking time to get in a car.

bonkersLFDT20 · 15/10/2014 10:18

I think the best time would be to act while they're actually beeping their horn and hurling abuse. But the driver of the bus should speak to them. It's the driver who has chosen to park there.

Unless the neighbours visitors are a bit dim, they must see the bus is for children with SN - I presume it's obvious if it's taking 5 mins to get your son in the bus.

Perhaps you can talk to the driver about it. He/she must be used to this sort of thing.

IME people can get VERY impatient at commute time. I've seen people tapping the steering wheel in rage while waiting for a taxi taking children with SN to turn in the road. FFS...leave 5 mins earlier people.