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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell neighbour to act nicely when the SN school bus blocks their drive?

251 replies

Andanotherthing123 · 15/10/2014 09:55

Right, am totally sleep deprived so I'm turning this over to you for some sensible opinions. My 4 year old gets collected by the SN school bus every morning. I live near a school and there are usually lots of cars parked outside our houses so it's difficult for the bus to find a space to pull into. My next door neighbour but one (two houses down from us) has the corner plot right at the end of our road and a drive leading to her house. She is elderly and has family who often pop in. She also has form (as do her visiting relatives) for being rude and unpleasant.

Three times this term visiting relatives have gone mad if they are stuck behind the bus as we get my son on, if there is no space for it to pull in. If it pulls in and blocks their drive in anyway, they repeatedly beep their horn or shout stuff at us until it's moved. Getting my son on the bus takes no longer than five minutes (usually a couple of minutes) but it's hard to hurry him as he finds leaving the house really, really hard because he doesn't cope well with change.

I know it's not great for them but aibu to think they could cut us some slack as there really isn't another option? Wibu to put a polite note through the door explaining the situation and asking for understanding or should I just let it go? I'm so angry about it that I worry next time it happens I'll loose the plot and get myself arrested.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 15/10/2014 12:42

I think it's very unlikely as my son doesn't have mobility issues.

he may not have physical mobility issues but he does have mobility issues if he finds it that hard to leave the house and get on the school transport. It is worth asking and worth applying for a blue badge.

merrymouse · 15/10/2014 12:52

I think the family in my old street had a disabled parking space. However, it wasn't big enough for a bus to park in.

Owllady · 15/10/2014 12:53

I can feel.my blood pressure rising so have been unable to read the whole thread
The school bus is well within its rights to park in front of your house, blocking the road for 5 minutes at a time so your child, who is severely disabled and at a special school MILES AWAY, can access that bus safely
The bus ime comes at the same time every single day, it's not a surprise to those who live surrounding you that this happens every single day, twice a day. They can therefore plan their activities around it if necessary, leave for work earlier. Whatever

And yeh, I've had fifteen years of crap off other people because my child has disrupted their previous timetable of events. I've even had people scream at her, a vulnerable child in the street.

I don't fucking care anymore about other ppl and their minor shitty worries. They can do one. I suggest you learn the same tact otherwise on top of the other emotional and physical shit you have to cope with, this day in, day out will push you over the edge. The council can write to them on your behalf setting out their transport responsibilities and procedure and stating what time it will be, every single day.

Owllady · 15/10/2014 12:57

And yes. It's against the law to intimidate and abuse you and a minor in the street and the police do take it seriously
By all means go knock their do it if you want to but surely it's pretty obvious what is going on.

ProudAS · 15/10/2014 12:58

SN or not the bus is parking illegally.

OP - I have a lot of sympathy with your situation but also with your neighbour. Could the bus not pull in somewhere legal and you take your DS the 50yds or so to it? How about arranging with another neighbour who leaves the house early for it to pull in there? What would your take be on the situation if your DS became distressed as a result of another vehicle blocking the one in which he was travelling or if he was ill and needed to get to dr quickly?

It may be obvious that the bus is loading and unloading childrens with SN. What is less obvious is the needs of those in the vehicles that are held up and the knock on effect. Juggling work and caring is hard enough without being blocked in whilst checking on an elderly relative on your way to work. What if the bus delays a home carer who is pressed for time and does not get to meet clients' needs properly (5 mins can be a sizable chunk of time with client)?

I agree with previous posters about trying to get the route modified. maybe get neighbours and the driver on side as I doubt he enjoys the situation.

Owllady · 15/10/2014 13:01

Actually it's not illegal to block someone's drive unless they need to use their car to get out for an emergency whilst the bus is there, in the 2 to 5 minute window
This is what I have been told by the police and the council

Viviennemary · 15/10/2014 13:02

It is very annoying indeed to have your drive blocked. Unless it was an emergency vehicle like an ambulance or fire engine. But if this is a regular occurence with the bus then I think it's not really surprising this lady gets annoyed. Of course the beeping and shouting is not nice for small children to listen to but it wouldn't be necessary if the bus driver was more considerate.

BOFster · 15/10/2014 13:03

I agree that you should turn this over to the council- I had to do the same when a woman knocked to complain about the same issue (years ago now). I said that I had no control over the space in the road or where the driver stopped, but she was welcome to speak to the transport department. I can't recall if I gave her the number or not. She did, and they basically told her to get over herself and suck it up. Problem solved.

I certainly wouldn't be handing over chocolates to people being rude and aggressive.

HavanaSlife · 15/10/2014 13:07

Its happened 3 times In 10 months ffs the neighbour needs to get a grip

merrymouse · 15/10/2014 13:07

I am sure Owllady is right. I might as well sue South West trains or British Gas or the local bus company for delaying my journey with road works and level crossings and buses stopping at bus stops.

BOFster · 15/10/2014 13:10

In my case the issue wasn't about parking over a drive, but blocking a terraced street with parked cars on both sides, so it was similar to the inconvenience of a bin lorry or similar. I appreciate that these things are annoying and inconvenient for people, but it is just the sort of hassle you have to put up with if you live on a busy street where parking is an issue.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 15/10/2014 13:11

I agree with Perpendicular.

The OP herself says that she appreciates the elderly neighbours do need to have their relative/carer/whoever it is, get to them at a certain time, which of course doesn't trump the child needing to get onto his bus calmly without being shouted at.

Both sides have additional needs, neither side is in the wrong for having those needs.

It's just a shame that a situation which happens rarely, but is obviously distressing to the OP (Flowers) can't be resolved by speaking to the neighbours but if the OP feels that would just escalate the situation, then I agree that maybe the driver should tell them that he has to park there, he has to park there sometimes for a few extra minutes, and on the face of it, it isn't going to ruin their day.

Or to make the usual ageist twats on this thread happy, we could just kill everybody over the age of 60 and be done with it?

Hope you get it sorted OP.

PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein · 15/10/2014 13:12

Stopping in the road like the bin lorries do might be better but I think quite likely to be against the driver's guidelines due to the fact children are getting on and off the bus.

I agree it is just one of those things, like an ambulance, bin lorries, funeral cars, where sometimes there is no option but to cause a short temporary hold up. Reasonable people understand this. I would ignore and carry on.

Owllady · 15/10/2014 13:13

Bof, it's the same wherever you live, honestly. I haven't lived anywhere where someone hasn't had an issue with it. Which is depressing but at least the vast majority of people have the empathy and patience to gauge the situation.

ProudAS · 15/10/2014 13:13

Owl - how can blocking a drive whilst a car is there be legal? You don't know when the person may need to get out in an emergency. Let it block the OP's drive.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 15/10/2014 13:14

So 3 times this year the visitors have experienced a short delay? And they are getting arsy? They are actually knobbers.
We don't all get to whizz around at maximum speed yelling abuse at people who are more vulnerable than ourselves. They probably rev their engine at elderly people who don't make it all the way across the road on the green man.
Ignore them.

ProudAS · 15/10/2014 13:15

Merry - roadworks etc may delay you but I'm pretty sure they're not allowed to block you.

Fiddlerontheroof · 15/10/2014 13:16

Hi,

Do you have to take your child out to the bus? Only that when my daughter was picked up on hers...the escort wasn't allowed to leave other children unattended on the bus.

Also, here, they are required to stop at an address, not a street corner, or a bus stop. So there are policies.

I would actually put a note through and tell her to deal with the council SEN. Transport dept direct and ask her to refrain hooting as it could actually delay her even longer due to your sons condition of ASD.

It's very fucking sad that no-one has any bloody patience these days, or tolerance, or respect it seems on the very odd occasion that they are inconvenienced. X

5madthings · 15/10/2014 13:17

Your neighbour needs to get a bloody grip.

There are always hold ups like this on roads whether it is delivery driveds1, bin men, buses etc it's just one of those things.

I would perhaps have more sympathy if they had politely spoken to you and explained why it is such an issue for them but as they are just being rude and aggressive they can get lost.

We have a big adapted taxi that comes into our cul de sac everyday to collect a child with special needs and they return him home for lunch and often take him out again and they block the turning circle, we wait patiently!

merrymouse · 15/10/2014 13:18

The bus is delaying, not blocking.

I am sure the OP would be delighted if the bus could stop in front of her house.

ProudAS · 15/10/2014 13:19

I don't think that blocking a driveway is the same as taking time to cross the road. Pedestrian crossings are intended for crossing, ends of driveways are not intended for parking.

The OP'S neighbour doesn't sound very nice but she may well be vulnerable or SN too. Do her relatives block the OP's drive when taking her to medical appointments etc? I doubt it very much

ProudAS · 15/10/2014 13:21

If the bus I'd required to stop at a specific address it should not be going to the neighbour's house.

Owllady · 15/10/2014 13:21

I'm sure the driver has enough intelligence during a 2-5 minute window to drive on if an emergency occurred. Unless the op neighbour has an extremely long, tree lined driveway that may take 2-5 minutes to drive down anyway (just covering all bases as this is aibu)

The bus driver isn't the devil, their objective is to get children safely to school without upset. The driver in this case is transporting children with special needs to a special school. The escorts have first aid training, epilepsy training, you name it. They could certainly spot an emergency.

ProudAS · 15/10/2014 13:24

OP your DS has an ASD and could well find being blocked by another vehicle distressing in the future! Which side will you be on then???

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 13:24

downamongstherocks

I disagree that you magically can tell who will respond to reason and who will not.

As an A&E nurse and a district nursing sister I can tell you that many huge disputes and upsets escalate because people get the wrong end of the stick and don't appreciate the situation as a whole.

More so as this blocking is so infrequent

It's up to you op but IMO it's best to talk to the neighbour. Talk to the visitors and the bus driver.

Mumsnet to the contrary most people are fairly normal and will cooperate.

If course if they don't then there's not much you can do but it's always worth a try.