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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell neighbour to act nicely when the SN school bus blocks their drive?

251 replies

Andanotherthing123 · 15/10/2014 09:55

Right, am totally sleep deprived so I'm turning this over to you for some sensible opinions. My 4 year old gets collected by the SN school bus every morning. I live near a school and there are usually lots of cars parked outside our houses so it's difficult for the bus to find a space to pull into. My next door neighbour but one (two houses down from us) has the corner plot right at the end of our road and a drive leading to her house. She is elderly and has family who often pop in. She also has form (as do her visiting relatives) for being rude and unpleasant.

Three times this term visiting relatives have gone mad if they are stuck behind the bus as we get my son on, if there is no space for it to pull in. If it pulls in and blocks their drive in anyway, they repeatedly beep their horn or shout stuff at us until it's moved. Getting my son on the bus takes no longer than five minutes (usually a couple of minutes) but it's hard to hurry him as he finds leaving the house really, really hard because he doesn't cope well with change.

I know it's not great for them but aibu to think they could cut us some slack as there really isn't another option? Wibu to put a polite note through the door explaining the situation and asking for understanding or should I just let it go? I'm so angry about it that I worry next time it happens I'll loose the plot and get myself arrested.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 15/10/2014 11:02

As it's only 3 times in 10 months I totally agree with you now op!
I thought it was more along the lines of every other day.
In this case they can bloody well have some patience. For 6+ mins in 10 months they can wait.

powergen · 15/10/2014 11:05

Andanotherthing123 i didnt see it wasnt everyday , if its only 3 times in 10 months and only for a few minutes then thats a bit different , i would just say what you have just said and ignore them .

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 11:05

Jaw jaw jaw is better than war war war. Talk to the neighbours and the driver and see if you can all compromise.

ChelsyHandy · 15/10/2014 11:05

It sounds like a difficult issue to resolve, but I cannot believe some of the comments on here calling an elderly woman who is being visited quite possibly for health related conditions by her relatives an "arsehole" and worse.

The solution might be to walk your little boy to another, quieter street if that is possible and doesn't cause you too much difficulty.

hazeyjane · 15/10/2014 11:07

There is sn transport which stops in the middle of our road everyday, like Hurr1cane's bus it stops long enough to board a boy in a wheelchair, and all the traffic is held up. I have never seen anyone beep their horn, in the same way, no-one beeps their horn at the rubbish trucks every Monday morning that hold up the traffic, they are just doing their job and so people suck it up.

The bus driver would probably do better to just stop the bus outside in the road, every day in the same place at the same time, as your ds may board the bus easier if it was exactly the same everyday, and the stroppy drivers would have to suck it up like everyone else.

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2014 11:12

Chelsy if you're going to act like an arsehole then you'll get called an arsehole...regardless of your age.

tiggytape · 15/10/2014 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChelsyHandy · 15/10/2014 11:20

No seriously Worra calling an old lady and her visiting family arseholes and morons...that's not really what I want to come on here and read.

If the OP would actually talk to her neighbour, she might find out an explanation as to why they might be irritated at the hold ups. There might be very good reasons. There might not. I'm thinking someone who is poor at taking medication who has to be supervised by relatives who are busy trying to get to work/get their own children to work. That would occur to me before calling an elderly person a relative.

But if the OP wants to resolve it, she needs to communicate with her neighbours. Its only a few doors down. If she then gets an awful response, then fair dos.

Downamongtherednecks · 15/10/2014 11:23

Pretty surprised that there are people who think waiting a few minutes for a child with SN to get into a school bus is unacceptable. There has to be give and take for any society to function. OP, definitely do not give them presents, they are behaving appallingly. Ignore the beeping, and consider calling the police if they continue to harass you by being aggressive.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 11:28

Down a small box of chocs and a chat could sort this out for now and the future.

Why would you fan the flames by ignoring the beeping and calling the police?

This is surrounding a small child btw with sn so it's in his best interests to defuse the situation and the op has to live there.

Azurea · 15/10/2014 11:29

There's a bus that stops in my road everyday and picks up two children one with severe autism and one wheelchair bound, sometimes there's nowhere to park and the bus stops in the road since I have empathy and am not an complete twat it would never occur to me to beep my horn and shout if I saw someone doing that I'd have a choice word or two for them.

edamsavestheday · 15/10/2014 11:32

Good grief, what a rude, aggressive lot your neighbour and her family are. Held up for two minutes six times a year? Big fat deal. Goodness knows how they react when there's a real problem.

I'd ignore them. It's not an emergency and their aggressive and pathetic behaviour means they don't deserve any explanation or consideration.

It's not a big deal - using a car means you have to wait for buses and other vehicles all the time, and they know perfectly well it isn't parked, it will be moving off in a few minutes. A couple of hundred yards down the road they will be waiting at a junction or behind a bus or in a parking space for a gap in the traffic to pull out into anyway - they don't have right of passage ahead of all other vehicles on every road

edamsavestheday · 15/10/2014 11:32

And yes, I'd call the police if they continue to be aggressive and cause you alarm. That's anti-social behaviour, I believe.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 11:37

Mmmm not many posters thinking of a diplomatic career then. Grin

Always best to engage and chat.

Just saying.

Original poster
Andanotherthing123 · 15/10/2014 11:38

I do know that they need to get in to see their relative and that she really needs their support. And I know that a delay, even of two minutes is stressful if you need to get to work or you're worried about someone. But equally, my son needs to get on the bus, on a really busy road. He really needs support too.

Maybe the answer is for the bus to stay in the road, then it's no different to the rubbish lorry, as suggested up thread. I will talk nicely to them but I'm not in a position to guarantee they won't loose another 2 minutes at another time.

OP posts:
lem73 · 15/10/2014 11:45

Absolutely! I've never seen anyone lose their temper at the bin men but these idiots don't have patience for a 4 year old with SN. What a world.

edamsavestheday · 15/10/2014 11:45

It's not the OP who is holding them up, it's the bus driver who chooses where to park, so why on earth the OP should be placating the unreasonable badly-behaved neighbours I do not know.

As for diplomacy, their aggressive behaviour means they don't deserve any. A reasonable objection would be one thing, trying to frighten and intimidate a little boy and other road users is appalling and repeated offences amount to anti-social behaviour.

Sunna · 15/10/2014 11:46

Maybe talk to the driver and ask him not to block their drive. Then if he continues to do it tell them you've asked him not to and that they should take it up with him directly or the council.

merrymouse · 15/10/2014 11:47

I think it is completely reasonable to stop in front of somebody's drive for 2-5 minutes if there is no alternative. Sometimes I have to wait for the rubbish truck to pass, sometimes there is a traffic jam, sometimes there are animals in the road, sometimes my neighbour is having a delivery, sometimes somebody is having work done on their house and the contractors have unknowingly parked somewhere inconvenient and I have to ask them to move, sometimes an ambulance is collecting one of the elderly people in the road. Sometimes, when I have left my house I get stuck at the level crossing for ages.

I used to live on a street where a child was regularly collected by a minibus, but I can't remember it ever causing a problem, even though that meant blocking the whole road during the collection.

If there is a better solution obviously the minibus driver should use it, but apart from that it is all just part of living in a community. It's quite clear that the bus driver will be gone as soon as your DS has boarded.

edamsavestheday · 15/10/2014 11:52

Well said, Merrymouse.

flipchart · 15/10/2014 11:54

3 times in 10 months!!

I've been held up more than that by the Royal Mail van who blocks the entrance to our drive while he delivers to the 10 houses on our block.
I've been held up by the recycling men as they park across our double drive and pick up the recycling for 6 houses and then shunt forward to finish of the block.

I've been held up by Up, and other deliver people while they deliver parcels to number 28 and find they are not in so have to find someone to sign for a parcel.

Oh and right outside my house is a big road sign as people approch the roundabout to tell them which lane to get in for the hospital, Burnley or Halifax so people pull up to look and get their bearings

All this has been in the last few weeks, not since January.

I wouldn't sweat it to be honest if it is that infrequent. If it upsets your lad I would just say they are saying good morning or something!!!

Legionofboom · 15/10/2014 11:59

I think the bus stopping in the road would be a far better solution.

The excessive beeping is completely unnecessary but I wouldn't want to be the one stuck in the middle of the road, causing a hold up because I couldn't turn into the driveway I needed to get to.

I might end up stuck behind the bus for exactly the same length of time but I would find it less stressful for those minutes I think.

PerpendicularVincenzo · 15/10/2014 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fabulous46 · 15/10/2014 12:20

I think the only solution is to attempt to speak with the neighbours. Neighbour disputes often get out of hand when no-one actually discusses the issue. Perhaps the neighbours family have a reason for being pissed off when their drive is blocked? There's no reason for peeping horns etc though. Maybe the full situation would never have arisen if the reason for the bus stopping where it does had been explained when the OP realised the neighbours weren't happy.

I can only go on my own experience of when my dad was dying. On more than one occasion the MacMillan nurses and GP couldn't get into the drive because of a twat of a neighbour. My sister went round and explained we never knew when GPs/ambulances/nurses would need access. He never parked like a twat again once he knew the situation. The elderly neighbours family may have reasons the drive can't be blocked?

Downamongtherednecks · 15/10/2014 12:20

Beeping and shouting is intimidation, and is against the law. To do it in front of a child with SN certainly tells me these are people I would NOT speak to directly. thebody I do have a role which involves (as one element) international diplomacy -- and the ability to judge who is going to respond to sense and reason, and who is going to respond to the threat of judicial/police action is part of the skill-set.