Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell the naysayers to go pound salt... (A little long, but I am hurt and need to unload)

208 replies

CallMeExhausted · 12/10/2014 01:33

My DD is quite disabled, significantly physically and intellectually delayed and medically complex, but in light of the fact that she was referred to Hospice in February of 2012 and she is still with us now, she is a remarkable little girl.

Her 9th birthday in is less than 2 weeks, and she presented me with this paper this afternoon. Apparently, it is a list of what she might like for her birthday, in case anyone asks... Wink

Prior to now, she has never put this many letters on a page, and I can't honestly remember her writing any letters consistently that were not one of the letters in her first name.

I shared a picture of it with close friends and family on FB (I know...) thinking that those who have seen her at death's door would like to see something that is such a huge development for her.

I received private messages from 3 separate "family" members all basically saying that I should not be excited about her writing as it is nonsense and illegible and any 3 year old should be able to do it gee, sound like they might have been discussing it? and perhaps I should stop pointing these things out as it just shows how incapable she is.

I am crushed.

This is a little girl who has overcome tremendous odds and is writing her own story, but she is obviously facing huge challenges that she will likely never overcome. She "should" not be able to speak at all, frankly, she "should" not even be with us any more. At a very dark time, I had to plan this angel's funeral.

I sent a group reply (as clearly they were all expressing the same sentiment) that as they had never taken an active interest in DD's life, they were more than welcome to take a passive disinterest, and if they wanted to be kept apprised of how she was doing, they might want to find other ways to do it... since I had no intention of making the effort with them any more.

Was I out of line (after 9 years of trying to engage them - they are "close" relations) to finally put my foot down, or should I have been less reactionary?

I tried to upload a couple of pictures, but it is not working - I will try as responses...

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Behoove · 12/10/2014 10:10

They aren't really "close family members" are they? I don't know if I would even have them as friends on Facebook either considering the lack of contact over the years. They sound horrible, poor you.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/10/2014 10:12

Those twats can learn so much from your wonderful carageous dd, who every day is is a life struggle. Her humility is awesome! That list is beautiful. I was talking to another relative about my dyslexia, my MIL was in the room too. She told me at a later date not to talk about such things as it's embarrassing Shock. I told her I am not ashamed of myself and will not hide who I am.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 12/10/2014 10:13

Of course yanbu. I teach mainstream secondary and have some year 8s whose letter formation is on a similar level. It is a tremendous achievement. But surely that's not really the point - why would anyone who could see that a mum who had been through a lot and felt they had cause for celebration piss on your chips in that way? I just don't get it at all. They do really sound like horrible people and added to their general lack of interest they really seem not worth bothering with. I hope you have other family and friends who do appreciate your lovely dd.

MrsMinton · 12/10/2014 10:14

That list is beautiful. The effort and the lovely thought of giving to someone else too. I would be very proud to have such an amazing niece if she was my family.
They don't sound worthy of your love and time.

TiggerLillies · 12/10/2014 10:15

That's rubbish, it definitely says more about them as people than you or your daughter. Concentrate on her achievements, as her mum you know best about these and continue to share! Feel no guilt about putting aside these people who are not making the effort to understand.
Well done to her by the way and happy birthday, I hope it is a special and lovely day.

magoria · 12/10/2014 10:19

Well you know who won't appreciate their first Christmas card written by your DD.

How lovely and sweet.

FoxgloveFairy · 12/10/2014 10:19

I hope your DD has a wonderful birthday. It sounds as though she is fighting major battles and winning, at least for now, and I admire her courage and determination. Another vote for you being incredibly reasonable.

MrsBungle · 12/10/2014 10:19

Your dd's letter is brilliant. She does her g's just like my dd :)

Your family should be ashamed of themselves. You must be so proud of your dd, what a lot she has come through and now look at her - writing her birthday lists just like every other 9 year old. Thanks

strawberrycupcakedream · 12/10/2014 10:20

They are disgusting, how can they be so cruel? Shock

The letters are very clearly formed and she's obviously made incredible progress.

Xx

certifiedloon · 12/10/2014 10:23

What possesses people to be so miserable and mean spirited?

Facebook is full of people gushing over their kids most basic achievements in life. Your DD's letter is a genuine, joyous thing for her and your family. I cannot imagine any other appropriate response than 'thats lovely, well done!' Etc.

Well done to your little girl! Dont let crabs in a bucket drag you down x

Plomino · 12/10/2014 10:28

That list is incredible . I'd be celebrating it too - hell , I'd be having a ticker tape parade and be on the roof with a megaphone . So much effort from your lovely daughter and all those sour faced toxins can do is come up with that ?

Screw them . Permanently .

ConkerTime · 12/10/2014 10:48

Her writing is fantastic. Well done, she sounds a wonderful girl.

The relatives are inexplicable however. Don't even try to understand them, and they are so wrong about the writing too. Very sad people.

Moreisnnogedag · 12/10/2014 11:02

Oh that's beautiful. I might have something in my eye.

A friend has a DS who is roughly the same age as my DS (4) but is profoundly disabled and is not expected to reach his teens. But he's recently started sitting up with less support and has more head control. Plus he can now call out which since he's never uttered a word before is amazing! Grin I love looking at his pictures because, you know what, the fact he's got this far shows what a trooper he is. He's exceeding everyone's expectations and that should be celebrated, much like your dd.

fizzymittens · 12/10/2014 11:19

FB woes once again. OP these people are idiots but FB attracts idiots.

fizzymittens · 12/10/2014 11:20

And your daughter sounds amazing. Ignore them.

thereturnofshoesy · 12/10/2014 11:23

omg OP
that is beyond awful, I would cut them out of my life.
you have every right to be proud of your dd

TattyDevine · 12/10/2014 12:08

They sound like total fuckers Sad

Disengage.

Fluffyears · 12/10/2014 12:37

My dp said yesterday 'FB is populated by 99% absolute idiot' seems about right reading this. Celebrate your daughter doing this, as a three year old I could write my first name (just about legibly) and nothing else. Therefore they are talking crap and want to pull you down. Why didn't they just say nothing at all, if you don't have anything nice..... Block delete and continue with your girl's achievements.

FruitbatAuntie · 12/10/2014 12:55

I don't say this often, but what a bunch of cunts.

I would be very tempted to post the content of their messages to you publically, below the picture and other messages. Shame them. I bet your DD has more compassion, understanding, kindness, and integrity in her little finger than they do put together.

I would also make no further effort to try and get them to acknowledge/spend time with your DD. They show by their actions how they feel. It will just upset you further, and you need all the positivity you can get - don't let them drag you down (hard as that is).

A big well done to your DD - she sounds amazing! Hope she has a wonderful birthday Grin.

Devientenigma · 12/10/2014 12:55

That is fab!! My 13 yo doesn't do this well (I'll try and upload a pic) he is similar, with lots of medical, physical and neurological disabilities. I wonder what your family would make of my posts on fb! I know my family don't like what I write but I don't care, they don't live it, never mind help!! Stay strong, you done well xxx

wheresthelight · 12/10/2014 13:00

those who commented so negatively need to be exorcised from your life op! what a truly amazing step forward for your dd!! this is the second post in half an hour on here to make me well up!!

my friends dd had a stroke at 48 hours old and as a result will be significantly delayed, she also received lots of negative comments after posting that her dd had smiled forth first time at 5 months old. I genuinely don't understand why people can't just be nice

Devientenigma · 12/10/2014 13:00

Sorry took ages to find, it's nice and colourful, however he had encouragement to even draw, never mind change colour lol.

To want to tell the naysayers to go pound salt... (A little long, but I am hurt and need to unload)
cherfernandovertigo · 12/10/2014 13:01

Your dd's list is lovely. Smile I hope she has a lovely birthday.

Your relatives are horrible people. Ignore them.

PumpkinPie2013 · 12/10/2014 13:04

How horribly callous of them Sad

I'd just cut them off - they don't deserve your dd.

Her list is wonderful and I hope she has a lovely birthday Smile

ElephantsNeverForgive · 12/10/2014 13:07

What a miserable, insensitive bunch.
Every child should be appreciated for who they are and how hard they try.

Well done "littlecallme"