To want to tell the naysayers to go pound salt... (A little long, but I am hurt and need to unload)

[CallMeExhausted]

My DD is quite disabled, significantly physically and intellectually delayed and medically complex, but in light of the fact that she was referred to Hospice in February of 2012 and she is still with us now, she is a remarkable little girl.

Her 9th birthday in is less than 2 weeks, and she presented me with this paper this afternoon. Apparently, it is a list of what she might like for her birthday, in case anyone asks...

Prior to now, she has never put this many letters on a page, and I can't honestly remember her writing any letters consistently that were not one of the letters in her first name.

I shared a picture of it with close friends and family on FB (I know...) thinking that those who have seen her at death's door would like to see something that is such a huge development for her.

I received private messages from 3 separate "family" members all basically saying that I should not be excited about her writing as it is nonsense and illegible and any 3 year old should be able to do it gee, sound like they might have been discussing it? and perhaps I should stop pointing these things out as it just shows how incapable she is.

I am crushed.

This is a little girl who has overcome tremendous odds and is writing her own story, but she is obviously facing huge challenges that she will likely never overcome. She "should" not be able to speak at all, frankly, she "should" not even be with us any more. At a very dark time, I had to plan this angel's funeral.

I sent a group reply (as clearly they were all expressing the same sentiment) that as they had never taken an active interest in DD's life, they were more than welcome to take a passive disinterest, and if they wanted to be kept apprised of how she was doing, they might want to find other ways to do it... since I had no intention of making the effort with them any more.

Was I out of line (after 9 years of trying to engage them - they are "close" relations) to finally put my foot down, or should I have been less reactionary?

I tried to upload a couple of pictures, but it is not working - I will try as responses...

I'd also unfriend. It's their loss.

I always say "pound sand." I've never heard pound salt. :)

We have a salt mine in our town - I may well be a regional saying.

"Oh, go pound salt..."

My cousin is profoundly disabled.

She will never life alone, take herself to the toilet or walk.

She has recently been on some kind of independent living residential course and can now make a sandwich and a drink for herself.
The whole family have been celebrating in the same way when other family members have received degrees, passed driving tests etc, because it is a huge achievement.

My cousin is 43 by the way.

Well done to your dd.
Forget your family - it's hurtful, but they are strangers to your dd, they are nothing to her.
Life is too short to have people like that in your life

You obviously are a lot more polite than me. If I had that kind of response from anyone I would have told them where they could go & what they could do when they got there !!
That is an amazing achievement. Having beaten the odds she is not only here but doing things that were never expected & that is something to be truly celebrated.

Not sure if this helps but here goes. Once upon a time a young mother was told her first born was severely disabled and to put him in a home and forget about him. She refused and took him out of hospital. She and the child faced all sorts of prejudice and bigotry. He grew up and took his place in the world and held down a professional job. Faced even more negative attitudes when a a paraplegic he married and became a father. My dad is the best

Frame that letter and carry on being proud of her. Huge hugs xxxx

Really sorry you are going through this, OP.

It sounds to me as if your relatives have a problem dealing with the fact your DD has health issues - if they avoid her and tell themselves in their head that she's just your average nine year old, it makes their life easier. Never mind the challenges you have to face as her mother and their daughter/sister/niece.

If I were you I'd definitely unfriend them and tell them why. If they care about her at all, they know where she is, and can come and see her in RL.

This reminds me of many, many years ago, when my aunt (on my mum's side) was asked to only take her "normal DD, not the disabled one" to a family party (on her now exh's side), because my disabled cousin "might upset the other kids."

My aunt and cousins never spoke to those relatives again, and that was easily 35 years ago.

I hope your DD has a fantastic birthday, she sounds amazing, and so do you!

As everyone else has said - not unreasonable in the least and far more polite than I'd have been.

No wonder you are so proud, she sounds amazing - I hope she has a brilliant birthday!

They should be ashamed of themselves.

OP -
Hats off to you and your daughter. I would cut these people out of your life; why would you even give someone who doesn't support your disabled child the time of day?

Good luck.

I can't see it because I'm on the app but your DD sounds amazing and anyone who criticised her list should fuck right off to the end of a rainbow.

What a fabulous daughter you have raised! She is already so kind and determined, I am sure she will go in to do great things with her life.

As for your family, fuck 'em. Block from Facebook, block from your life and enjoy

Your DD sounds like a wonderful, kindhearted adorable little girl, who has already overcome and achieved so much.
Your twatty relatives could learn so much from her. I'd be willing to bet they've achieved precisely fuck all in their sad self absorbed lives. Neither you or you daughter need them. I hope she has a fabulous birthday

Wow, they actually sound like really horrible people. Good job you and your daughter sound fabulous. I think her writing looks brilliant.

So glad you told them where to go!

Please continue to be proud and don't let the bastards drag you down x

What else is on the list? Does it include Lego, a ball/balloon and makeup?

I'm sorry your family haven't responded the way that decent people, let alone close family members should. Definitely unfriend them, they sound (as they say on here) toxic!

Your reply was remarkably restrained. Mine would have included the word Fuck a hell of a lot. Their response and lack of interest shows them as the awful people they are.

Your daughter on the other hand sounds awsome. Her writing is brilliant and you (as i'm sure you already know and are) should be very proud of her.

Hope your daughter has a wonderful birthday.

She sounds brilliant. They are utter knobs.They sound very very weird. You sound lovely.

That's a monumental achievement for your little girl, WELL DONE!
She's written a list, brilliant!
She's done proper emergent writing, where she can tell you what each part says.
If your family are so ignorant that they don't understand this important milestone, then pounding salt is too good for them.
You celebrate your lovely daughter & be proud.
Give your family the time & thought that they deserve!
Keep your chin up.

The list made me smile. I love those pieces of writing which are driven by an urge to communicate. I can just picture her face as she tried so hard to write it! Well done her.

my perfectly able 5 yo can't write that well. definitely good riddance. Am that they are such close relations

Good on you. They sound like miserable idiots.
I just don't get why people have to look for the bad in the good. Couldn't they just be happy for her.
Anyway they're not worth any more thought, well done to you and your dd. Oh and YADNBU

I love that list. She is amazing, you are amazing.

I would honestly tell them to fuck off. If they cannot see how important and special her writing is, then they don't deserve another second of your time and energy.
Are they the type that really cares about what outsiders think and not at all about the actual family? My inlaws are like that, and we have very little contact.

She sounds like a really awesome little girl. You should be very proud of her and of you. You have done a great job.

I hope she has a great birthday. Ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore the family members who only contact you to bring you down. They are literally not bringing anything to the party.

Oh bless her little heart. That list is adorable.
Anyone who says otherwise is a wanker.