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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think NO, she's not 'lucky' or 'spoilt'

254 replies

strawberrycupcakedream · 11/10/2014 17:59

I know, I am bu but I'm wound up.

Dsis turned 18 on Wednesday and she's posted the pictures of the cards, balloons, presents up on Facebook saying thank you. She's got £100 I. Primark vouchers and money mainly. Also flowers and a new dress and shoes to wear for party, and pjs.

So she's apparently 'so lucky' and 'spoilt' and people are 'jealous.'

Dsis will never walk again. She can't move her arms properly, only a bit to use her iPad (which was given to her as an award.) she can't talk properly either. Has to have someone do everything for her including wipe her bum.

So I know I'm bu and people don't mean any harm but seriously can't they just say lovely presents.

Because she's not lucky at all.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 12/10/2014 07:59

Thanks Stealth - you are kind but I'm honestly fine. It's just bitter sweet really. He's had a fab time and he is enjoying telling anyone who will listen that he is now a man. The staff in Superdry were especially impressed Grin

We just had to do his school review last week and the juxtaposition of his prospects being so limited at a time when the world for most 18 year olds is opening up before them was hard.

But I do appreciate your kindness x

HavanaSlife · 12/10/2014 08:06

Yanbu, it does seem insensitive, it is insensitive! But sometimes people just dont think, they are commenting on the presents, not the bigger picture. People can be unintentionally insensitive/thoughtless, they are not living you or your dsis reality.

Rant away, im very sorry for your loss and for what has happened to your dsis Thanks

lylasmam2012 · 12/10/2014 08:22

I'm 31 and those comments are exactly what I would write on a status update with lots of presents.

MiddletonPink · 12/10/2014 08:41

What even if the person had been recently paralysed at 16 years old lylasmam ?

Lucky is a word I would never use on such a status.

ChippingInLatteLover · 12/10/2014 09:33

Pag I can't believe DS is 18 Hmm are you 'speed growing' those kids of yours?? Grin When you feel up to it, some new photos on your profile would be lovely :) I'm glad DS is having fun telling the world and his dog he's a man.

It is really tough when they turn 18 and aren't able to do the things, and look forward to the things, their peers are. I think it hits you all over again how similar yet different they are - and it hurts, it really hurts. Be kind to yourself Flowers

moaningminnie2 · 12/10/2014 10:03

Does your Dsis want continual pity, or does she want people to relate to her as they would to kids on their 18th birthday?

MiddletonPink · 12/10/2014 10:11

continual pity moaningminnie?

That's a twatty thing to say.

The child is paralysed. Have a fucking heart.

moaningminnie2 · 12/10/2014 10:14

Sorry MiddletonPink you are misunderstanding the question.I am not saying people should not be sympathetic or course anybody would feel gutted for the poor kid.But does she want her interactions with other people to be ever mindful of this, or does she wanted to be treated like a normal teen?

HavanaSlife · 12/10/2014 10:21

Well the op has already said its difficult to tell as she cant talk and comunication is difficult

strawberrycupcakedream · 12/10/2014 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
strawberrycupcakedream · 12/10/2014 10:24

Flowers Havana and you too pagwatch.

Latte thank you. Your posts on here and on PM have meant so much, I read once that speaking to someone in their language touches their heart and you have, all those who've understood even when you know I'm bu, as I do too.

OP posts:
moaningminnie2 · 12/10/2014 10:26

Sorry I though you said she had posted on facebook, so I assumed that she could communicate with the world.
If that is not the case then I apologise.

Original poster
strawberrycupcakedream · 12/10/2014 10:28

I actually don't know what to say in response to that.

OP posts:
MiddletonPink · 12/10/2014 10:29

Strawberry love maybe hide this thread now? I'm gobsmacked at some of the responses you've had if I'm honest.

I totally understand your feelings. Flowers

FuckOffFerret · 12/10/2014 10:32

That was what I had assumed too moaning but I was also told off. I assumed because an 18 year old posted pics of all their birthday presents they were doing the normal teenage thing of trying to get likes and cries of "you're so lucky". I think maybe the OP should take a step back and I understood what you were saying don't think you were being a twat.

Original poster
strawberrycupcakedream · 12/10/2014 10:33

Middleton thank you Flowers

I guess its just illustrative of real life really; most people will be sweet and kind even if occasionally misguided. But every now and again you get responses like the one above (because a Facebook status totally makes up for not being able to talk Hmm) or the poster who thought it was funny to add 'you are disabled' onto all her future possible achievements - you get insensitive rude people everywhere I guess.

Thank you so much to those who've understood. Even if you've not agreed as I don't agree with me really!

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberrycupcakedream · 12/10/2014 10:35

Ferret that's where we will have to agree to disagree.

Because that post was awful. She does NOT want continuous pity but, to cite an earlier example, just as you wouldn't say to me 'hope you're treating your mum and dad this Christmas!' Maybe just maybe lucky isn't a great choice of words.

That's it

And quit asking me what she wants or feels. I don't know. She can press a few buttons with difficulty I might add but she can't talk!

OP posts:
FuckOffFerret · 12/10/2014 10:42

Lucky doesn't mean anything Op.

The majority of people in this world have experienced serious trials in their life, bereavement or abuse, or sexual assault or serious disability or life changing illnesses, or betrayal by spouses and loved ones, abandonment by a parent in childhood, suicide, depression, serious mental illness.

Seriously, I and any of my family and friends have all had any mixture of the above. I'm not saying what has happened to your sister is not horrible. It is. I'm just saying it's Facebook it was created for people to show pics of stuff and for people to make inane comments about "luckiness".

treadheavily · 12/10/2014 10:46

It can be hard to know what to say or not say to friends who are suffering. And there can be times, when the distress is acute, when no one can say anything right.

Without trying to pretend I know how you feel, I wondered whether it might be helpful for you to try to accept the cheery responses as good intentions. Or if that is not possible, maybe turn off FB? Because it is a medium that invites flippancy which is hurtful to a person. And it does seem that certain words trigger horrible pain for you.

I remember when my sister died a colleague texted sorry for your loose, misspelling and all. I thought that was fairly shite actually.

Sorry OP for your family's unbearable pain and tragedy.

treadheavily · 12/10/2014 10:48

I meant say... is hurtful to a person who is suffering.

Original poster
strawberrycupcakedream · 12/10/2014 10:59

Tread I have

Please can people do the courtesy of READING the thread?

Ferret ... The difference is you've experienced them. So will most people. Most people won't experience paralysis.

OP posts:
treadheavily · 12/10/2014 11:11

strawberry I have read the thread. I'm sorry you feel I haven't. I was trying to express how I learned to manage trigger words... even when I knew they had been well intentioned, I still reacted. Probably was unclear as it is v late where I am.

Actually in the end I had a treatment called EMDR in which the brain reorganises triggers back into correct slots, so to speak, which for me was very effective.

That is probably no more help.

I'll be off now. All the best.

Lifesalemon · 12/10/2014 11:23

ferret how can you seriously compare betrayal by a spouse to paralysis of a child.

MiddletonPink · 12/10/2014 11:29

Ferret - that word lucky.

You honestly think it's just a Facebook thing when addressed to a young girl paralysed in an accident?

Facebook is no excuse to be thoughtless and insensitive.

wooooosualsuspect · 12/10/2014 11:33

They weren't being thoughtless and insensitive , they were just commenting on the presents.