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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Friend' and £10!

225 replies

LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:15

First post AIBU! Be nice, please!

So two weeks ago I travelled to a nearby town with who I thought a friend. We went for a lovely day out shopping, lunching, afternoon drinks and dinner.

We were having a lovely day and proceeded to a wine bar in the afternoon. When the check came I paid on my cars and we said we would sort later etc - it really wasn't a big deal. Although I should add she wasn't forthcoming to pay!

Anyway , evening dinner came and went and check came again. She told me to put less in as I got the wine in the avo - fair enough. She did the math and I put my share in. I did question if I paid enough once the waiter had left the table and she said 'oh actually, you still owe me a tenner'. I said I would square up next I saw her (I had no cash on me). I didn't think it a big deal and it was her bad math!

Anyway , she was slightly weird after but I had forgotten about it and a little squiffy in honesty until on the Monday at work I had a huge text with her sort code and account number asking I transfer the £10 ASAP! Omg !

I called DM in horror (after immediately transferring the money - I was mortified- she obv went away thinking all about this and probably bitching me to her husband) and DM reminded me only last month after her HUGE birthday party I stayed behind for 3 hours to help her and husband with all the dishes and tidying up while her parents watched!

So, AIBU to be pissed off? DM reckons I'll never hear again, and even if I do I should ignore?

OP posts:
kirsten123 · 11/10/2014 21:21

Yanbu.

If she was that close to the limit of her account then she should have been more careful tallying up the bill or made it clear you needed to pay her back asap.

kirsten123 · 11/10/2014 21:23

And yes, she should probably have said "don't worry about the £10 it's the least I can do since you helped clean up after my party". ie it's effectively the same as buying you a drink or two.

kirsten123 · 11/10/2014 21:25

Unless there's some backstory like she reckons you ALWAYS cop out of paying or something.

alemci · 11/10/2014 22:06

i would hate it, yanbu. you paid for her at lunchtime; has she deducted that off the £10.

take cash and change next time and only pay for yourself

Pistone · 11/10/2014 23:04

I think it was a strange way of asking for her tenner tbh, giving you her sort code and account number. I mean who does that. It's the sort of thing a debt collection agency would do, but a friend asking for a tenner owed after a night out?? Yanbu. A simple friendly reminder for the tenner was all that was required here.

GatoradeMeBitch · 12/10/2014 00:50

I'm cringing. I've done something similar in the past, to a generous friend. She earned much more than me and I got a bee in my bonnet. And it's horrible, because once you've shown someone that petty side of yourself you can't ever really put things back to the way they were before.

ShoesAndPsychology · 12/10/2014 01:04

YANBU
Me & friends (REAL friends) would just say 'you pay the extra next time' no worries. I genuinely really don't see what all the fuss is about. Seriously OP, she's one 'friend' I would not miss Brew

EBearhug · 12/10/2014 01:14

To colleagues I've lent money to, I've usually told them my interest rates make loan sharks look reasonable.

And then I go and do something else and forget, and I'm surprised when they hand it over in a couple of days or whenever (not actually with the 1000% an hour interest, mind you.)

SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 12/10/2014 01:35

I hate people giving me back cash from money I have spent on my card, I always ask for it to be sent straight back to my account as if not it gets squandered on take aways and fags. Thing is I'm quite generous and often say 'oh don't worry I'll get it, just pay me back later' and find I'm owed about 50 quid in total over the course of a month between 3 or so people. So each person may only owe 10 or 20 quid but it adds up so in short. Or long. YABU.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 12/10/2014 04:01

Op I'd have transferred £20 over to her. £10 as owed and the other £10 to treat herself to a set of step ladders to help her get over herself. :o

giraffescantboogie · 12/10/2014 04:20

I have a friend who is similar to this. She would sit and count pennies out so it was equal. She will never offer to buy a drink.

rubyflipper · 12/10/2014 07:56

YANBU. I'd have been annoyed at receiving a snarky text so soon after the event.

It's like she doesn't trust you to pay her back - but is more than happy to spend your cash.

elizaCBR · 12/10/2014 09:13

"First post AIBU! Be nice, please!"

"Tbh you sound a bit of a c*nt."

Yeah, you're a classy one OP.

elvis86 · 12/10/2014 09:22

Another who read the initial responses open-mouthed! YANBU at all. Can't believe the number of miserly posters who jumped to your friend's defence! As others have pointed out, if your financial solvency hinges on a tenner, you probably shouldn't be eating and drinking out!Wink

Disagree with the poster who suggested that incidents like this needn't ruin friendships - this would have tarnished a nice day for me and I wouldn't want to spend time with her again knowing that she was obsessing about what each of us had paid.

"The are a number of times I've been unintentionally left out if pocket means I've probably given away about £45 over the course of two years. If it's left a week or so, it's often unintentionally forgotten. I don't lend cash now to certain people" - I bet you don't get invited out much either! Honestly, who can be bothered totting up £45 in unpaid "debts" over TWO YEARS?!Confused

MyFairyKing · 12/10/2014 09:24

elizaCBR I know! I mentioned that up thread but it got glossed over in an attempt to chuck buns.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/10/2014 10:04

Did you even owe her a tenner?

I'm quite confused about this, she was going to pay you back for her share of lunch/wine bar what ever it was. She said she would deduct that from your share of the dinner bill, she calculated it, did not say she had made an calculation error just announced you owed her a tenner.

Dieu · 12/10/2014 10:26

I would never act that way over a tenner, not unless I was in financial dire straits. YANBU.

dexter73 · 12/10/2014 11:01

Why is it miserly to think that you should pay people back if you owe them money?

Laquitar · 12/10/2014 11:19

Your reaction to Username is very over the top imo.

Same as your reaction to your friend. Ok. Maybe she really needed the money because a dd payment was due.
Or maybe she is a bit tight. This doesnt make her a monster. It is something culrural that you learn from your parents and / or something causes you a bad rl with money after poverty for example. If a person is good then you dont just end up a friendship because she asked for a tenner back. Do you also end friendships because your friend has a habit of drinking tea and not coffee like you?
It sounds a bit black and white and rigit.
If you always react like this and like you reacted to username then you will be left with no friends. They cant all be the same like you and think exactly the same like you.

Topaz25 · 12/10/2014 11:34

I think pettiness about those kind of issues is an indicator of the type of friend she is. This reminds me of an ex friend of mine and is exactly why she's an ex friend. We went out for a mutual friend's birthday and ex friend absolutely insisted we went to an expensive restaurant out of most people's budgets when we'd just been planning to go out for drinks. We weren't planning to tip because the service was atrocious but got hit with a mandatory service charge. We were in a hurry and hadn't budgeted for this charge so ex friend paid the charge on her card and the group agreed to pay her back. It worked out at owing her £1 each. Most people paid up the same day but I didn't have any more money on me so said I'd pay it next time I saw her. That didn't end up being for a couple of weeks, so she hassled me on Facebook about it, even after I'd posted a status update to say my dog had just died! The next time I saw her I was planning on giving her the money when we got inside the bar but she physically blocked my way like a bouncer till I handed it over! All over a fucking pound! She also hassled another friend who she forgot had already paid. This friend had been generous to her over the years, buying her drinks when she was skint etc, without even expecting to be paid back. There were other issues with ex friend but her behaviour about the money was the last straw because it showed me exactly what the friendship was worth to her.

Your friendship does not seem equal as you went out of your way to help her but she was so petty about the money. She could have simply told you if she needed it urgently rather than issuing demands with bank details.

Rainbunny · 12/10/2014 17:41

I wouldn't chase a friend up for ten pounds, and if she's that close to being overdrawn she shouldn't be out and about shopping, drinking wine and eating dinner out. While what she did was technically okay, it was pretty rude, you're supposed to be friends and that's not the way to go about asking friends to pay money back.

Some people are anal about money and funnily enough they are often the very same people who are happy to ask for favors (thinking of my work colleague, a notorious skinflint who is happy to beg for rides every week...)

LeftRightCentre · 12/10/2014 17:52

Yanbu

YackityYakYak · 13/10/2014 13:01

Oh Gawd, OP, YANBU!

There are about a million nicer ways of asking for the £10 back.

Can't be doing with friends like this - You can keep rough tally of favours but if you break it down to the penny then what the hell is the friendship even for?

If you're short of cash then you would be more careful about getting it right , on the day.

jammytoast · 13/10/2014 13:10

YANBU and I think you are getting a hard time.

I would never dream of sending my acc and sort numbers over a tenner. The text is almost like an invoice ffs.

I have a friend who is weird over money. I have paid for the taxi and she text the next day to say she "forgot" to give me her half, and I said never mind its only a few quid, and then the next time we are out she asks me to give her partner petrol money as if I don't pay my way! I don't mind giving petrol money, most times he refuses to take it, but its the way she says it like she thinks I'm cheeky for not paying my way. GAH

dustarr73 · 13/10/2014 14:29

Op i hate people like this,they dont mind taking but if you happen to owe them something its like you are about to emigrate.
If you do go out with her again,only pay for yourself.