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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Friend' and £10!

225 replies

LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:15

First post AIBU! Be nice, please!

So two weeks ago I travelled to a nearby town with who I thought a friend. We went for a lovely day out shopping, lunching, afternoon drinks and dinner.

We were having a lovely day and proceeded to a wine bar in the afternoon. When the check came I paid on my cars and we said we would sort later etc - it really wasn't a big deal. Although I should add she wasn't forthcoming to pay!

Anyway , evening dinner came and went and check came again. She told me to put less in as I got the wine in the avo - fair enough. She did the math and I put my share in. I did question if I paid enough once the waiter had left the table and she said 'oh actually, you still owe me a tenner'. I said I would square up next I saw her (I had no cash on me). I didn't think it a big deal and it was her bad math!

Anyway , she was slightly weird after but I had forgotten about it and a little squiffy in honesty until on the Monday at work I had a huge text with her sort code and account number asking I transfer the £10 ASAP! Omg !

I called DM in horror (after immediately transferring the money - I was mortified- she obv went away thinking all about this and probably bitching me to her husband) and DM reminded me only last month after her HUGE birthday party I stayed behind for 3 hours to help her and husband with all the dishes and tidying up while her parents watched!

So, AIBU to be pissed off? DM reckons I'll never hear again, and even if I do I should ignore?

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 11/10/2014 15:37

taking so long ? Is this a joke! I did immediately by transfer! Jesus !

But you said that the day out was a couple of weeks ago, OP. That's why we think it was so long.

mrsspagbol · 11/10/2014 15:38

£10 is a lot of money to some people like me.

You seem quite ..... Clueless.

Greyhound · 11/10/2014 15:38

YABU

VermillionPorcupine · 11/10/2014 15:39

On that basis, for her to make such a mountain of the text (if that was the first time she'd asked) she WAS being unreasonable. A short friendly text would have done the job.

But so were you. Your reaction is way OTT.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:39

Sorry, it happened a couple of weeks ago, just posting now. We went out the Saturday, she text me the Monday. The money was transferred that very day.

I'm not stamping my feet, I guess I just don't think I was unreasonable. However the MN democracy states I am, so if was ! Wink

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 11/10/2014 15:39

Why is giving a sort code and account number over the top?

Seriously? If any of my friends did this for the princely sum of £10 i'd be pissed off.

It's not £200.
It's a tenner. Did she think she was going to leave the country. I think it's bloody rude. I wouldn't be going out with just her again.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:40

I'm clueless now too.. Wow , it's nice to be hidden behind a screen when throwing statements like that around !

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:40

Thank you bring back - my sentiments exactly!!!!!

OP posts:
IDontDoIroning · 11/10/2014 15:41

I think you're having a hard time here.
You put lunch drinks on your cards -so presumably she owed you for her share. Do you know how much this was?
When calculating dinner she didn't knock off exactly what she owed you but just said to put in less and the calculated your share. She then said after you had put in your remaining cash you hadn't paid enough and she was subbing you by £10. This suggests her maths was £20 out at least.
Why didn't she split it properly with you?
I assume if you had known how much your share was you could have put it on your card instead.
On I've hand she's ok for you to pay lunch and "put less in" to dinner which suggests she's easy going about the whole thing (when it benefits her?) but then when it looks like you owe her money demands it back the next day.

She's not unreasonable to ask for money owed but I do think that in context of the earlier meal she is a tad unreasonable

It seems to me she's happy when things go in her favour - you paying for lunch cleaning up after the party etc but can't reciprocate.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:41

I won't be entertaining her again. Petty and not in the spirit of friendship where I'm concerned.

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 11/10/2014 15:42

Oh and i'm hardly as flush as some posters on here either.

But mean spiritness from someone supposed to be a friend would irk me.

justmuddlingalong · 11/10/2014 15:43
Grin
LadyLuck10 · 11/10/2014 15:43

Actually I don't think yabu. It's a 10 not 100. My friends and I would just pay each other back the next time we got together or bought something to make up next time. I think it's rude of her sending her bank details over a 10.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:43

Thank you idontdoironing I feel the same. I don't remember the exact costs of the wine and didn't want to go into digging out receipts etc and you're right, she was laissez faire about it!

Then it was me who said hey I don't think that was enough at dinner. I don't remember the exact sums of that either - I didn't think it mattered so much!

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 11/10/2014 15:44

If there was a 2 week gap then a freaked out text she's probably found herself in some temporary financial difficulty.

Let it slide, you've squared up, just act normal next time, there's probably no damage done.

Derleth · 11/10/2014 15:45

It is very petty and annoying when 1 person is more relaxed about money than the other. To sub her for the wine and not give it much thought then to have a snippy penny pinching text demanding a £10 would make me not want to socialise much with them after that, if at all.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:45

Thanks . I feel like if it was a lather sum , or if it was concert tickets etc that would leave significantly out of pocket then sure I would send cash immediately.

I feel annoyed that I went out of my way to pay for the wine and also when I helped her out - I did it because I wanted to - I didn't want anything for it - I just thought these actions by me show trust, care and friendship. Frankly, I don't think her mannerisms have given me that back.., it's a tenner !!!

OP posts:
SallyMcgally · 11/10/2014 15:46

I agree with bringback and the OP. Someone who's off having lunch, afternoon drinks and dinner is unlikely to be absolutely skint, so I think this is a really weird palaver over £10

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:46

tatty there was no 2 week gap. The day she asked for the money I transferred it. It has been 2 weeks since the incident - I'm just posting now

OP posts:
papercliplover · 11/10/2014 15:47

I have been in a situation where I would have saved all month to have lunch drinks and dinner, Sally. Maybe even saved for a couple of months.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:47

Thanks ^ sally I haven't heard from her since and I feel like it's curtains for me on the friendship because of the way it's made me feel. I feel like I now can't trust her not to be judging how I spend my money and I will never be able to go to dinner with her again Grin

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 11/10/2014 15:48

LadyofDunedin I think she was being OTT, and quite petty sending you a text with all the payment information - and all for a tenner.

She may be overdrawn as a result of being £10 short. Really?? That's a bit far-fetched! Maybe she should have waited until she had a reasonable amount in her account if she was that broke. Anyway we dont know that from the OP so probably not worth speculating about.

Serial meanness in a relationship would be a showstopper to me, it shows the person in their true colours IMO.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:49

paper I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way, and I appreciate what you're saying above. I just hope that my friends would be able to talk to me if it was about money - if it was that I would have happily understood re the tenner - but there was no explanation, it was worded pretty shitty really ...

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 11/10/2014 15:49

I don't blame you for seeing this friendship in a different way now. It must be stressful to go out with someone who is keeping a tally of what you owe them. I don't like that kind of behaviour tbh.
She could have asked you in a much nicer way.

justmuddlingalong · 11/10/2014 15:49

How long have you both been friends?