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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Friend' and £10!

225 replies

LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:15

First post AIBU! Be nice, please!

So two weeks ago I travelled to a nearby town with who I thought a friend. We went for a lovely day out shopping, lunching, afternoon drinks and dinner.

We were having a lovely day and proceeded to a wine bar in the afternoon. When the check came I paid on my cars and we said we would sort later etc - it really wasn't a big deal. Although I should add she wasn't forthcoming to pay!

Anyway , evening dinner came and went and check came again. She told me to put less in as I got the wine in the avo - fair enough. She did the math and I put my share in. I did question if I paid enough once the waiter had left the table and she said 'oh actually, you still owe me a tenner'. I said I would square up next I saw her (I had no cash on me). I didn't think it a big deal and it was her bad math!

Anyway , she was slightly weird after but I had forgotten about it and a little squiffy in honesty until on the Monday at work I had a huge text with her sort code and account number asking I transfer the £10 ASAP! Omg !

I called DM in horror (after immediately transferring the money - I was mortified- she obv went away thinking all about this and probably bitching me to her husband) and DM reminded me only last month after her HUGE birthday party I stayed behind for 3 hours to help her and husband with all the dishes and tidying up while her parents watched!

So, AIBU to be pissed off? DM reckons I'll never hear again, and even if I do I should ignore?

OP posts:
maras2 · 11/10/2014 15:50

WTAf is DM? Your mum or The Daily Mail? If the former,you're very odd talking to your mum about a tiff with your friend.If the latter then just do the 'sad face' Sad. Then live and learn.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:50

Thanks ^ daisy it was just tight as she was spending all day in the shops to large sums of money. She was grippy over a tenner and rude!

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 11/10/2014 15:52

Ok no gap, fair enough, slightly weird, possibly financial difficulties or just communication difficulties! I wouldn't dwell on it...

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:52

DM is my mother......

I've known her a year

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:53

Thanks lady I don't really want friends like that. She's a goner!

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:55

I don't see how it's odd to seek an opinion from my mum, the woman who brought me up and by in large, whose morals I share.....!!!!!

OP posts:
papercliplover · 11/10/2014 15:55

I turned down meeting a friend today for coffee because I can't afford to travel to meet her, and have coffee.

Total cost about a tenner.

And I would then have walked around trying stuff on but just not saying.

It's a tight week. Just saying.

papercliplover · 11/10/2014 15:55

And that was my best friend I've known for 40 years. I've not told her, and I'd certainly not tell someone I'd known for a year.

moxon · 11/10/2014 15:56

I don't want to post the text here incase I out myself. Safe to say it was large and said she hasn't been able to stop thinking about how I owe her that £10 etc etc and that she would appreciate if I transferred on receipt of the text the money to her sort and account number. If that didn't work she would post me a bank pay in slip - yes, really

I think the situation is unique enough that, if she is on here, she would recognise it pretty easily anyway. You might as well show us the text message if you think it will make a difference to posters' opinions on the matter.

maras2 · 11/10/2014 15:57

What's a 'goner'? OP are you a Kiwi by any chance.? Grin

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:57

Sorry you feel that way paper. I hope things look up for you soon and get to catch up with your friend over coffee.

I was also saying she was blowing cash in the shops - cash, not just trying on. I think she's just tight!

OP posts:
Debs75 · 11/10/2014 15:57

YANBU
The way I read your OP was you paid for lunch she looked away, then at dinner she made a token comment of you paying for lunch so pay less at dinner. You did that and then she decides you paid too little.

Now whether you paid too little or not we and you don't know.

Say lunch was £15 and dinner was £50 you should have put in £17ish for dinner, she would have paid £33 making you both equal on the dinner. Could she have maybe looked at just that transaction and thought you hadn't paid enough without realising you had stumped up for wine earlier?

And I do think she iabu for sending the ac number only 2 days after the lunch. That doesn't give you any time to pay her back

Poppiesinautumn · 11/10/2014 15:58

I am not trying to speculate at all on you, OP, but I have a friend who had form for this sort of thing.

We'd get drinks and - "oh, I haven't any cash,can I pay you back?" One night I added up the cost of everything then sent a similar message with my bank details. It was more than £10 though but it is annoying when people try to wriggle out of paying their share.

That said, I would not have been so sharp about it.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:58

moxon not posting a text ! The detail is in here as is.

Not a kiwi maras I'm a scot and not a tight one Grin

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 11/10/2014 15:59

I would be happy to be your friend. Give and take, not counting every penny ha'penny, just enjoying a nice evening.

A friend and I go out for dinner from time to time, we dont bother checking the bill, we just go 50/50 whatever each of us has. We would be embarrassed to sit there calculating it out, it would spoil the whole occasion!

I think your responses here are more in disbelief that people would find chasing up a trivial amount of money is worth risking the friendship for, rather than stomping your foot.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 15:59

Thanks debs glad people are seeing it like me!

OP posts:
papercliplover · 11/10/2014 15:59

But you have NO idea of her financial situation. You have known her a YEAR.

She may be tight as a ducks arse. She may just be skint. You said you'd pay her back and she sent you her details to do it - you don't appear to carry cash, what on earth is the big deal?

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 16:01

Thanks daisy

paper you're right; she's in a terrible financial situation, just bought £500k house, blew a fortune in the shops ... Sadly I think it was just a tight nature rather than about money itself

OP posts:
moxon · 11/10/2014 16:02

That's fine OP.

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 16:03

The big deal to me is the lack of etiquette and the immediate nature she expected me to transfer the cash back in given I said she would get if when she saw me. Again, she wasn't forthcoming when I paid the wine, I was the one who highlighted I owed her money, yet she is the one who behaves this way.. It's a big deal to me

OP posts:
AnnoyingOrange · 11/10/2014 16:03

I would be very surprised if a friend of mine gave me their bank details to repay a tenner

IMO it's something that would wait until next time we met up

papercliplover · 11/10/2014 16:03

But how do you know that she isn't skint after buying £500k house?

She still might be.

and the point is. You said you'd pay her back. You don't seem to "do" cash so she sent you her bank details to pay in the money.

Unless the text said "oi you money grabbing cunt you have form for this this is the 23rd time you've done me out of a tenner at dinner so transfer the money before midnight or I'm sending the boyz round" I still think YABU

gamerchick · 11/10/2014 16:05

Next time you go out make sure it's cut right down the middle when it's paying time.

I would be thinking the same way as you tbh OP.

FavaBeanPyramidScheme · 11/10/2014 16:06

YANBU. I think most people would have given you a quick reminder (and not asked for it in the first place given that you picked up the drinks earlier). Don't let any of these weirdos in here make you think otherwise Grin

Original poster
LadyofDunedin · 11/10/2014 16:07

Oh for goodness same paper, you're just determined to disagree with me behind what i feel is reasonable.

gamer I just won't be making that mistake again!

OP posts:
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