'Friend' and £10!

[LadyofDunedin]

First post AIBU! Be nice, please!

So two weeks ago I travelled to a nearby town with who I thought a friend. We went for a lovely day out shopping, lunching, afternoon drinks and dinner.

We were having a lovely day and proceeded to a wine bar in the afternoon. When the check came I paid on my cars and we said we would sort later etc - it really wasn't a big deal. Although I should add she wasn't forthcoming to pay!

Anyway , evening dinner came and went and check came again. She told me to put less in as I got the wine in the avo - fair enough. She did the math and I put my share in. I did question if I paid enough once the waiter had left the table and she said 'oh actually, you still owe me a tenner'. I said I would square up next I saw her (I had no cash on me). I didn't think it a big deal and it was her bad math!

Anyway , she was slightly weird after but I had forgotten about it and a little squiffy in honesty until on the Monday at work I had a huge text with her sort code and account number asking I transfer the £10 ASAP! Omg !

I called DM in horror (after immediately transferring the money - I was mortified- she obv went away thinking all about this and probably bitching me to her husband) and DM reminded me only last month after her HUGE birthday party I stayed behind for 3 hours to help her and husband with all the dishes and tidying up while her parents watched!

So, AIBU to be pissed off? DM reckons I'll never hear again, and even if I do I should ignore?

I feel like a right awkward bugger so will remind you....

Cheque

Maths

angelika join the club - just deleted her number now!!

I'd find that a bit of an over reaction and petty to send her sort code and account number! Unless I knew she had big money worries but I would assume she didn't as she was out buying food in a restaurant.

A polite reminder by text would have been ok but too officious to send bank details!

gate fair play! I went American, my bad?! For that I agree. I was unreasonable for saying math and check

Yes monkia cringeworthy. Never again.

She's well rid of someone who looked out for her, helped her out, was the one to state I felt I owed her despite her calculation.. Yes. I'm a terrible friend .

You helping her has nothing to do with owing her money.

You seem like a tit for tat person.

That's awful!

This sort of thing happens with my friends all the time - we buy rounds and one person buys one more than the other etc. We just try to balance it out next time we do something.

And if she needed the money and she's a real friend, why not jsut phone you and say look I miscalulated and I'm a bit tight is week, can you let me have the other £10? Rather than a massive text.

And finally, what kind of idiot texts their bank details, it's very insecure!

mumsnet becomes less like the world i live in every day

in my world, you would just square up next time
bank transfers are reserved for eg buying group tickets for events

i would be about it, pay up and never go out for a meal with her again

Friendship IS about tit for tat though...over the balance of the relationship. Not take take take or give give give.

Just ignore those people here who don't think third isn't nice. Most people in rl and plenty on here agree with you, this isn't friendly behavior.

Thanks for the support to those who are looking at the facts and reasoning.

I appreciate and take on board those who think I've done something unreasonable here / am over reacting etc / have done something wrong.

I guess I feel on balance she after knew jerk and as I transferred the money immediately with no question I have not acted out of turn.

Her behaviour, however, has left me with a sour taste in my mouth !

YANBU op. You have had a hard time here. Whilst some people may be desperate and really need the tenner, this friend clearly didn't if she was also spending lots of cash in the shops.

You paid back as soon as she asked and less than 48hrs after the event, how can people moan at that. A text saying she couldn't stop thinking about it is really stange and made it into a big deal which it really didn't need to be. A simple, 'i could really do with you transferring that money to money, would you mind paying to x please' would have been very different.

Wow You don't want to be friends with her because she asked for.Money back that you owed her?!

Talk about spectactularly missing the point.

This isnt about asking for the tenner back that was owed, its the whole attitude and mindset that goes beyond the money, that's a red herring in this situation. It was how it was done, and the way it has left ladyofDunedin feeling.

Sounds like it's highly unlikely the person is in the category of needing a tenner to tide them over until their next pay check!

I am truly stunned that this complete non problem has got to 100+ messages

But..FWIW YABVU especially by calling the person rude names

I don't think she is being unreasonable to ask for her money back and to text you her bank details on the Monday. However there is no need for her to send a rude text if you haven't being messing her around for the money for weeks, so I think yanbu to be annoyed about this

YANBU. She is a tight, beancounting bitch. She sounds a weirdo too.

Thanks daisy I guess some people just don't see my thinking.

Drinks are on me >>hic

YANBU

"the sort code and account seemed excessive given the amount, and felt a little like she didn't trust me"

You are exactly right. That is the issue, she didn't trust you and that is an insult. But there are tight people around who feel they might be cheated and overreact. You now know what she is like, some people are just made like that, but they are still OK.

I personally wouldn't dream of texting someone with my account details to request immediate payment of a tenner, a tenner you hadn't even deliberately borrowed... I'm at all the posters declaring you bu. Your are definitely not.

YANBU

Anybody who thinks it's reasonable to send a stroppy text along with bank details probably doesn't have many lunch dates.

I am truly stunned that this complete non problem has got to 100+ messages

Just because it isnt your problem doesnt make it a non-problem! Actually, attitudes to money is probably top of the list for relationship break-downs.

I woukd say that's a pretty big problem!

If she had said 'Hey OP, overspent at the weekend and could really do with that tenner, could you send it over asap please?'

OP wouldn't have a problem, I'm sure. One bloody day passes and then you get a long message? Crappy imo.

I would have probably have sent her the total for the dinner with a message that she could now rest easy that she was financially in front.

I would then drop her like a hot brick point having being made.

Yanbu. I don't get being this stressed out over a tenner, it's so rude! And before anyone goes on about what a big deal ten pounds is at times, I know, but if you've been out for drinks and a meal then you are not that hard up.