Pool Changing Room.

[Roobix04]

Ok not sure if I even have an issue just wanted to see what other people think.
So yesterday me and my 17 yo dsis were at the pool with 6mo dd and a woman came into the changing room with her 2 sons. One was about 6 and the other was 10/11. They got changed in a cubicle but with the curtain open. I was across from them wearing just a towel trying to dry my hair and not flash anyone and my dsis was supposed to be getting out of her bikini while making sure my dd didn't roll off the table. The thing is the older boy was obviously reaching the stage where he's getting curious about women's bodies which is fine but it meant he kept looking at us. We both felt a little uncomfortable about exposing ourselves to him. I'm definitely not implying he was a pervert or anything but I think he's too young to be exposed to my slightly saggy body. I think at that age he's old enough to go into the men's on his own. So were we being unreasonable or was that a little weird?

Ds1 is 6 and i'd take him in the ladies changing room with me. He's recently started making a huge fuss about being allowed to go in the mens toilets and i'll allow him somewhere like Tesco, but not in a pub or restaurant. Even at Tesco I hover outside the mens door looking like some kind of weirdo.

Ds1 could easily pass for 9 and I do get some strange looks, but 6 isn't old enough in my book to be changing alone.

i'll allow him somewhere like Tesco, but not in a pub or restaurant.

Why do you think an easily accessible public supermarket is safer than a restaurant?

People who are saying "you can't tell how old a child is" - that's true of course. My DS2 (11yo) is not very tall, and so I am aware that a child of about his height may well be a lot younger.

This is why I sometimes ask how old a child is. And the answer is often 8, 9, 10 or even older. The other day a woman had her 11yo in the ch room with her. I agree, there is no way my 11yo would go for that!

Because it's a different atmosphere...it's an assessment of risk I suppose.

At pubs or restaurants there is more 'risk' that there may be a man in the gents who is worse for drink. Or a large group of lads out on the lash, all messing about...not so likely (albeit not impossible) in Tesco at 11am on a Tuesday morning for instance.

Isn't risk assessing what everyone does when they start allowing their child some freedom? For instance, at 6, I have just allowed my ds1 to play unsupervised on a playground 1 minute around the corner when ds2 is at his football practice. I know the area, know it's quiet, know several of the families living overlooking the park. From experience I know that you don't get large groups of teens in that park for instance as there's a much more interesting one a mile or so away. BUT there are many, many playgrounds in other areas that I would not allow a 6 year old to play unsupervised in.

Personally, I think there is far more risk to a child at a place children are likely to be than there is in somewhere like a restaurant or supermarket toilet. If someone were going to target children they would go somewhere there will be children and hope for an unsupervised one...

At my gym its up to 9th birthday. However some boys do look older at 8. If you are bothered get changed in a cubicle.

I dunno, Hermione - if OP was standing during her hair in a towel, walking over to the cubicle and shutting the curtain would've been quite aggressive and also more likely for the towel to shift when walking.

OP might've called out to the other mum but probably expected the curtain to be shut at any minute.

Our changing rooms are all cubicles. If I came on and posted "AIBU to think that someone changing in a cubicle with their son should shut the door?" I think I'd get way more YANBU than OP has.

So glad my pool has a communal changing village and showers (with private single sex showers off to the side) can't be bothered with all the excessive prudishness about getting changed in public - seriously we all have the same bits and towels can hide most of them!

Well no, males and females have different bits.

I would have taken turns, but I would also not let my dc of the opposite sex stare at a bunch of changing women. Yet, I wouldn't let my dc in the adult changing room at that age either, even if they were only 7. There are always creative ways to get around these things.

We have similar at our local pool.

It's an open plan, communal, female change area. There are cubicles, but they are tiny, and there are very few, most without curtains anyway, and the few doors are broken.

I have noticed more and more women bringing their older boys in, and not always to get them changed. Sometimes as a shortcut to the pool, sometimes to wait while their sisters are changed, and on one occasion, to use the loo. The mum actually covered the childs eyes and told him not to look while she walked him through the change room (toilets are at opposite end to the door).

Now, I'm no prude, and I really don't care if a young boy wants to look at my wobbly bits. But there are a lot of teenage and young pre-teen girls getting changed in there. Often they're in groups getting changed after swimming training. My DD is only 10, but is starting to notice if older boys are in and getting self conscious, trying to cover up while she changes. These girls should be able to change openly in a female change room, or we will end up with a generation of girls who don't know what other womens bodies look like and feel they have to hide their own.

So yes, I think it's wrong to take boys older than 8 in a womens change room. DD has been able to use it by herself form 8 when DH takes her training, she gets changed with her friends and they all stick together.

There are separate accessible change rooms if you really need to take your opposite sex child with you.

Which reminds me, there is a vulnerable young special needs girl, post puberty, uses the change room. To see 11 year old boys gawping at her makes me very uncomfortable indeed.

I'm never sure whether to say anything. I've complained to staff but they really don't care about the pool changing. If it were their precious gym users changing they'd do something.

It's ridiculous and unfair to call young girls 'prudish' for not wanting boys in their change room.

I very much agree with everything micah said.

can't be bothered with all the excessive prudishness about getting changed in public - seriously we all have the same bits and towels can hide most of them!

Nobody could seriously have such an ignorance of human biology as to think that males and females have the same external anatomy?!

Ten may be too young for him to go into a changing room alone, he may have been an older looking younger child either, it doesn't really matter, he's a child. Who cares if he sees something or is curious and stares, he's a little boy - no threat to you. The whole point of seperate changing rooms is to prevent women being sexually intimidated and assaulted. There was no risk of that so Yabu .

Newdawn, part of the point of separate changing rooms is to provide women with somewhere they don't have to feel uncomfortable about being stared at by boys/men when they're half naked.

It's not just about the fear of assault; even if I saw a grown man in the changing rooms at my gym, my first thought wouldn't be assault, as I doubt he'd do anything in front of lots of witnesses. I'd still be extremely uncomfortable, and report him immediately!

Ten may be too young for him to go into a changing room alone

If he doesn't have a disability or SN, any ten-year-old is old enough to go into a changing room by himself. Otherwise, his mother needs to use the separate family changing room with him.

"Who cares if he sees something or is curious and stares, he's a little boy - no threat to you. The whole point of seperate changing rooms is to prevent women being sexually intimidated and assaulted."

Actually my 10yo DD cares and would feel sexually intimidated. Why should she have to put up with it.

Male privilege, yet again.

Male privilege, yet again.

Exactly.

All the pools I've been to have communal changing areas and cubicles, nothing wrong with that, it means parents with chasten of gnd opposite sex can change next to each other. I would never change openly or shower naked in front of other women, not just other men!

Some people here have a quick rinse, some strip off & have a shower.

can't see that either is an odd thing to do.

Perhaps it that the showers are good & water pretty pricey here that we strip off to have a "proper" shower to make sure we get our money's worth!

People wanting a quick rinse usually just use the poolside shower.

You have to take your bathers off at some point, though...you're not going to put your clothes on over the top of a wet swimming costume.

The showers at my gym are in separate cubicles, so nobody can see you shower naked. You could take your clothes into the cubicle, I suppose, but nobody does as it's easier to get dressed next to your locker.

MrsDeVere, that is a real Shane for your son. Are there no family changing rooms at your pool?