Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pool Changing Room.

187 replies

Roobix04 · 10/10/2014 11:54

Ok not sure if I even have an issue just wanted to see what other people think.
So yesterday me and my 17 yo dsis were at the pool with 6mo dd and a woman came into the changing room with her 2 sons. One was about 6 and the other was 10/11. They got changed in a cubicle but with the curtain open. I was across from them wearing just a towel trying to dry my hair and not flash anyone and my dsis was supposed to be getting out of her bikini while making sure my dd didn't roll off the table. The thing is the older boy was obviously reaching the stage where he's getting curious about women's bodies which is fine but it meant he kept looking at us. We both felt a little uncomfortable about exposing ourselves to him. I'm definitely not implying he was a pervert or anything but I think he's too young to be exposed to my slightly saggy body. I think at that age he's old enough to go into the men's on his own. So were we being unreasonable or was that a little weird?

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 10/10/2014 19:50

I think one problem is that girls tend to be more developmentally advanced than boys and ladies changing rooms tend to be safer (and I'm not a 'peedo on every corner' type). While I might be happy for a 9 year old girl to get changed alone in the ladies I'm not all that happy for 9 year old ds3 (who is a very young non-streetwise 9 tbh). Luckily he looks so much younger I just take him into the ladies if his 12 year old brother isn't around to take him into the boys. My 9 year old has zero interest in girls btw - although again with girls being more developmentally advanced I can understand girls of that age might be shy about boys being around.

I really wish everything was unisex, it's a real issue with severely autistic & learning disabled teenage ds1 - a lot of disabled changing rooms are found within single sex changing rooms. The concept of people with learning disabilities doesn't really exist for many designers. Most people doing care work are female - he loves swimming, but the one pool locally with a unisex changing village also has slides (which he's obsessive about - and very much needs 2 adults to manage- and can also kill any chance of any swimming). We need those changing rooms in the other pools. It then works for shy girls, young boys, those with learning disabilities and different sex carers etc etc.

I still suspect the boy in the OP was younger than he looked. I can't see many 11 year old boys agreeing to go into the ladies.

ToniWol · 10/10/2014 20:41

Koala - the communal changing area at the pool I've been going to has lots of one person changing cubicles (not shower) and about 6-8 family changing cubicles. There are also communal showers for before going in the pool/if you're not showering naked and a couple of shower cubicles. The toilets are separate and there's a separate room for those who are disabled and need assistance changing.

hhhhhhh · 10/10/2014 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sanfairyanne · 10/10/2014 21:00

most pools here would have a sign about appropriate ages - usually it is 8+
i wouldnt bother using a cubicle in women only changing rooms - usually there are only a few anyway as the idea is most people wont use them

melw74 · 10/10/2014 21:06

I have to say, I have never been to a pool where there are no family changing rooms.... I really find that strange, and if that was the case i really do not think i would want to go tbh.

I just think people need their privacy, and i know for a fact my 10 year old would not get undressed in front of a big room full of people, and tbh nor would I.

BlotOnTheLandscape · 10/10/2014 21:33

Felix I spoke to the manager about it a couple of days ago, his view is that they shouldn't be doing it and he is going to get some signs organised to say that people should not be showering naked. Meanwhile, he has said that children can use the disabled facilities to change if they wish and then go through a different door to the swimming pool.

His point of view is that adult men should be sensible when small children are in the changing room and have a towel around themselves when walking around the changing rooms.

hhhhhhh · 10/10/2014 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sickoffrozen · 10/10/2014 21:43

This wouldn't even raise an eyebrow in Europe. Us Brits are so prudish when it comes to nudity.

Purplepixiedust · 10/10/2014 21:53

I have never been to a swimming pool without individual cubicles to change in.

At the gym, yes. People shower naked - obviously not in their gym kit... But no kids so no issue.

Never been a member of a gym with a pool.

unlucky83 · 10/10/2014 21:54

Pre-DCs I used to go to a pool that was female changing with no cubicles etc. Women walked around naked and I felt self conscious trying to preserve some modesty ...
Anyway one day I was getting changed in there and there was a lady there with two young girls - one I guess was about 6-7, other one much younger.
While the mother was looking after the little one (who was fussing), the older one was staring at me getting dressed...and I mean staring. I was tempted to say something to her mum but she obviously had her hands full.
I think what embarrassed me most was I used to have to wear a full length surgical stocking - tied round my waist and a nightmare to get on unless you are completely dry. I put off trying to get it on for as long as I could (hoping she'd be dressed and away) but in the end it was sitting there half dressed or going for it. I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life ...and never went back there again.

500smiles · 10/10/2014 21:57

I think around the country there must be various types of communal changing room which is why some people can't see the issue.

One pool has a communal changing room - lots and lots of cubicles, mostly one person sized but some larger for families.

One a male and female changing area, separate areas with showers and loos and lots of cubicles.

Another has a separate male and female changing area, but they are communal with no private cubicles. An older boy in the female changing area should not be there as there is no privacy for women and girls to change.

I wouldn't want to strip naked in front of my friend's husband / male neighbour or boss, so why should my very self conscious developing 10yo DD have to do so in front of boys from her school?

And I truly can see both sides as I have a 16yo DS with SN - we could only swim where there were family / disabled changing rooms as he would struggle on his own.

unlucky83 · 10/10/2014 21:59

Ahh forgot the point - the point was all children can be curious - so the fact that it was a boy might not be relevant...nothing sexual just nosy.

(I think in my case her curiosity might have been partly cos I am (very) white and she was black - her mum was happily walking around naked she not like she had never seen a naked woman before...)

BlotOnTheLandscape · 11/10/2014 06:03

I probably sound irresponsible but I don't object to nudity and we are relaxed about it at home, however the problem with the men nude in the changing rooms is that my son feels uncomfortable with it and who am I to tell him that his feelings are invalid? He trusts me enough to tell me and I need to take it seriously.

Original poster
Roobix04 · 11/10/2014 18:27

I wasn't bothered about him seeing me in a towel I was bothered about accidentally flashing him. It's definitely not a black and white issue obviously.

OP posts:
maras2 · 11/10/2014 18:34

I can't get my head around communal changing rooms so WTAF are ' village changing rooms '?

Original poster
Roobix04 · 11/10/2014 21:08

Communal. They're calling it village changing on the plans.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 11/10/2014 21:22

I suppose calling it village is supposed to put a folksy spin on it!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 11/10/2014 21:24

All the ones round here have village changing, it means one area adjacent to the pool area with lots of cubicles, some large for families, some large with changing tables in for babies and some small but no open areas and no male / female only areas.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 11/10/2014 21:24

Apart from the toilets that is.

saintlyjimjams · 11/10/2014 22:20

Village changing rooms definitely the way to go - suitable for all needs

MrsBennington · 11/10/2014 22:44

Seriously? no on saw anything so what's the problem? Even if he did it's only another human body not the end of the world! If you were that concerned you wouldn't have been drying your hair with just a towel round you in public. Everywhere here is communal - not a problem.

YonicScrewdriver · 11/10/2014 23:00

Why is everyone telling OP that she could go in a cubicle if bothered when this boy was in a cubicle but no one in it bothered to shut the curtain, which would've solved the problem with no one moving!

YonicScrewdriver · 11/10/2014 23:00

" If you were that concerned you wouldn't have been drying your hair with just a towel round you in public"

Not public. The female changing rooms.

starlight1234 · 11/10/2014 23:04

My DS is 7 so have been letting him get ready on his own no help, he certainly manages it when swimming with the school so I know I need to be ready to let him go on his own when he is 8. Incidentally he has 6 months till his 8th birthday and it seems a reasonable age generally. He is also very tall for his age so people may well think he is 8/9 already.

RE this boy. the problem is you don't know if he needs help.

My biggest concerns to be honest is my DS coming out with bubbles through his hair and having to go back in and wash his hair again which has happened since I have left him to doing it himself .

CookieB · 11/10/2014 23:06

I'm in Scotland where there are cubicles at every swimming pool I go to ensuring privacy. Where are these places where people are expected to change without any inhibitions? Baffles me!