Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pool Changing Room.

187 replies

Roobix04 · 10/10/2014 11:54

Ok not sure if I even have an issue just wanted to see what other people think.
So yesterday me and my 17 yo dsis were at the pool with 6mo dd and a woman came into the changing room with her 2 sons. One was about 6 and the other was 10/11. They got changed in a cubicle but with the curtain open. I was across from them wearing just a towel trying to dry my hair and not flash anyone and my dsis was supposed to be getting out of her bikini while making sure my dd didn't roll off the table. The thing is the older boy was obviously reaching the stage where he's getting curious about women's bodies which is fine but it meant he kept looking at us. We both felt a little uncomfortable about exposing ourselves to him. I'm definitely not implying he was a pervert or anything but I think he's too young to be exposed to my slightly saggy body. I think at that age he's old enough to go into the men's on his own. So were we being unreasonable or was that a little weird?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 10/10/2014 12:24

Littleblubutterflies you treat him according to his age of course. And if challenged (hopefully politely) explain.

I found it hard to let ds1 start changing in the mens last year but honestly that was about me, he was fine with it. For parents who aren't happy - you need to choose pools with family changing facilities or campaign for these and stop swimming til they happen. Anyone whose child needs extra support in changing due to disability should (and must) be catered for by law.

cailindana · 10/10/2014 12:26

YABU and very silly.

He's a child. Ok he had a quick gawk at your bits, but that's because you didn't plan ahead and you were flashing them in full view. If anything I would expect the boy's mother to be on here saying "AIBU to think this woman should have just left the baby with the younger woman and gone to a bloody cubicle!"
IMO it's more important that a mother keep her son under supervision than it is for you to be able to dry your hair without any clothes on or for your sister to get dressed out in the open.

In future, if there's two of you, one adult dresses the baby while the other adult gets dressed. Then the dressed adult takes the baby out and the other adult gets dressed. Simple and effective.

Original poster
Roobix04 · 10/10/2014 12:34

Ok I did not flash the boy or get my bits out. I even said I wasn't sure if I even had an issue. Yes we changed separately after they came in but if I'd been on my own I wouldn't have been able to. There's a line of changing tables and most mothers just get changed there as it's easier. I wasn't annoyed. I certainly didn't want to report anything I just wanted to know if people thought 10 was old enough to change on their own.

OP posts:
cailindana · 10/10/2014 12:37

It's irrelevant whether we think it's old enough or not. It's up to the mother to decide that.

diddl · 10/10/2014 12:39

Op shouldn't have to close her curtain though.

Ideally the boy should know not to stare/his mum should be telling him not to.

Although if you had a towel on, couldn't you have looked after your daughter for a while so that your sister could at least get out of her bikini & get a towel around her?

Lambsie · 10/10/2014 12:43

Ds will not be able to change alone when he is 10. We don't use pools that do not have family or unisex facilities since he has a right to an appropriate changing area.

Littlebluebutterflies · 10/10/2014 12:50

Barbarian that is indeed what I do (and I'm very polite) even in the face of women who tell me I'm lying

melw74 · 10/10/2014 12:54

I have seen something like this on another site. Always gets a good debate going to whether it should be Okay for adults to shower naked and get undressed in a communal swimming Pool Outside of the cubicles etc.... I know this is a lot different, but i really cant see why people cant just get dressed in the cubicles provided?.... Then there is no problem.

BarbarianMum · 10/10/2014 12:57

Littlebluebutterflies - I meant that I hoped that anyone challenging you would be polite about it, wasn't questioning your manners honest! Blush

Anyway, sorry if people are being rude to you. That's not acceptable at all.

OwlCapone · 10/10/2014 13:22

It's irrelevant whether we think it's old enough or not. It's up to the mother to decide that.

Actually it isn't up to the mother, it is up to the pool management.

Littlebluebutterflies · 10/10/2014 13:29

Barbarian no offence taken at all! Grin

I've been putting up with comments of varying levels of courtesy ever since he was about 18 months old and a woman felt the need to tell me he was far to old for a buggy and 'at his age' he should be walking. Grin

She though he was 3! I was polite to her too but I must admit it was through gritted teeth!

cailindana · 10/10/2014 13:30

If the OP isn't going to report it and there are no stated guidelines then it is up to the mother as she's the only one with input into the decision (apart from the child,whose opinion the mother can override).

Littlebluebutterflies · 10/10/2014 13:31

Oh and OP IME little boys of all ages are interested in women's bodies. Although if course they should be taught that it is not polite to stare.

saintlyjimjams · 10/10/2014 13:34

I suspect he was younger than he looks. I take my 9 year old into the ladies if his older brother isn't there - but he looks about 6 so no one bats an eye lid.

In fact a man came out of the men's changing rooms once and told me ds2 and ds3 could get changed in the ladies if I wanted a they were both so young - he was stunned when I said one was 12 and one was 9. Most people judge age on height - it's not necessarily accurate.

naturalbaby · 10/10/2014 13:43

Raise it with the staff at the pool.

Nobody gets a flash of my post babies body in public changing rooms, even when taking my dc's swimming when they were babies. I even managed on my own with a baby and a toddler.

wobblyweebles · 10/10/2014 14:03

I send my 9yo son into the boys changing room on his own.

saintlyjimjams · 10/10/2014 14:09

Well it varies on the child doesn't it? DS2 was been fine in a changing room alone at 9, ds3 really isn't. DS1 needs someone with him at 15, so the pools we can access with him are limited.

My friends son who is 4 years younger than ds2 is the same height as him and they look the same age. I'd just guess in this case the 10/11 year old was much younger.

BlueberryWafer · 10/10/2014 14:15

Tough one really, I can see both sides. I can see why you may have felt unconfortable, but I can also see there may have been a reason the older child wasn't in the gents changing rooms. Maybe next time if the situation arises you and your sister could take turns with dd while the other uses a cubicle? Not ideal, I know, but probably the best solution all round.

diddl · 10/10/2014 14:19

reading the Op again, I'm not sure what the problem was.

it's possible to get dried & dressed discreetly.

he would probably have seen something, but so what?

Why would this make you uncomfortable?

manicinsomniac · 10/10/2014 14:28

He must have been younger than he looked surely. Nobody would take an NT 11 year old into the wrong changing rooms!

I don't think it should matter too much to adult women if a curious child is looking. But my 11 year old daughter would freak if an 11 year old boy (especially one she knew) saw her changing (and she couldn't go into a cubicle because our gym doesn't have any. Actually it has one tiny one to fit one person)

VelvetEmbers · 10/10/2014 16:40

This subject seems to come up frequently and always the same sort of answers. Why is it OK for women in the women's changing room to have to put up with the intrusion of boys? Why should the Op have to look for a cubicle/ cover up/ make allowances?

I have 3 boys. When they are your own boys you see nothing wrong with taking them into a female space. My boys are grown up so I now have just one little girl. Now boys over 8 intruding into female space annoys me.

Most pools have notices up saying that children over 8 should be in the correct changing room; or the pool has unisex changing in private cubicles.

I think the answer to the OP is that when they came in and didn't pull the curtain you should have called across to the mother telling her to pull the curtain, and then complained to staff.

ProudAS · 10/10/2014 17:14

I can understand mothers' concerns about sending DSs into male changing room alone but other females need their privacy especially when changing is communal. Adolescent girls who are starting to develop breasts, rape victims etc could find having a male present particularly hard.

I'd be interested to know whether mothers in this situation tend to opt for pools where all changing is in cubicles or better still a mixed changing village with lockable cubicles. I'm guessing 8yo boys are starting to want a bit of modesty.

HamishBamish · 10/10/2014 17:31

We don't face this as our pool as unisex changing rooms with cubicles. However, the mother should have had the changing curtain closed. If she had done that then there wouldn't have been an issue.

ThatBloodyWoman · 10/10/2014 17:35

At our pools there's family changing rooms, a womens change and a mens change.
In that set up, I wouldn't find it appropriate for a boy of that age being in the womens change.

MrsPiggie · 10/10/2014 17:36

A bit off topic, but how do your DPs manage when taking little girls swimming? My DH is terrified at the idea of taking the kids to the men's changing area (DD is 4) and obviously he can't go into ladies' with her. There are 2 family cubicles at our local swimming pool but during children's swimming sessions they are in very high demand.

Swipe left for the next trending thread