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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pool Changing Room.

187 replies

Roobix04 · 10/10/2014 11:54

Ok not sure if I even have an issue just wanted to see what other people think.
So yesterday me and my 17 yo dsis were at the pool with 6mo dd and a woman came into the changing room with her 2 sons. One was about 6 and the other was 10/11. They got changed in a cubicle but with the curtain open. I was across from them wearing just a towel trying to dry my hair and not flash anyone and my dsis was supposed to be getting out of her bikini while making sure my dd didn't roll off the table. The thing is the older boy was obviously reaching the stage where he's getting curious about women's bodies which is fine but it meant he kept looking at us. We both felt a little uncomfortable about exposing ourselves to him. I'm definitely not implying he was a pervert or anything but I think he's too young to be exposed to my slightly saggy body. I think at that age he's old enough to go into the men's on his own. So were we being unreasonable or was that a little weird?

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/10/2014 17:38

Exactly. Many pools have mixed cubicles and only a couple of family ones.

You just shut the door so the men walking around dont see you.

This is really a non event

Plus you don't know the boy was NT..every time we go swimming we see at least one or two kids with SN.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 10/10/2014 17:43

ARe they communal changing rooms, or was he in the female ones? If it's the former YABU but if the latter YANBU.

Pregnantagain7 · 10/10/2014 17:44

I have an issue similar to this my dd is a very well developed 9 year old and is becoming a bit self conscious about her body. She has a swimming lesson once a week when we use the ladies changing room. Every week a woman is in there with her two boys one around 7 but one in year 6 I can see my daughter is uncomfortable getting changed.

The thing that really annoys me is that there is two family changing rooms (unisex) that she could take her boys in. They are a bit chaotic but there is no reason for them to be in the ladies changing room.

However I don't know whether I would send a 10/11 and a 7 year old boy into male changing room alone it's a tricky one.

needyoumorethanwantyou · 10/10/2014 17:45

You could have used a cubicle.

A lot of pool changing rooms are unisex anyway and it's very easy to get changed discreetly under a towel if you're worried about flashing anyone!.

I'm certainly not a 'wander round in the nude in a changing room' person but I'm also not bothered if other people do or worried if they get a quick flash of me!.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/10/2014 17:55

I think 8 is a sensible cut off to be in the opposite sex changing room. If the child has special needs which means they can't use the men's changing room on their own then the mum should ask to use the disabled facilities. I do think unisex changing rooms with lots of different sized cubicles are the best solution though.

Andrewofgg · 10/10/2014 17:56

Eighth birthday at my pool, which is bench and lockers. I would raise hell if this happened the other way round and so should you.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 10/10/2014 18:03

YATotallyNBU. Can't believe posters are saying you shouldn't be bothered about the boy looking at you, or that you should be going to great lengths to cover up. It's the ladies changing room.

I think 8 is a sensible age for a cut off, although most pools these days have communal (both sexes) changing anyway, so it isn't an issue.

caroldecker · 10/10/2014 18:08

What are people so worried is going to happen in the men's changing room???

Purplepixiedust · 10/10/2014 18:12

I think YABU. What is the problem with him seeing you in a towel? Surely that covers more than your cossie anyway. Then just go in a cubicle to change while your sister holds the baby.

My son has just turned 8 and I would be very uncomfortable about him going in the mens on his own. At our pool you aren't allowed to let them change unacompanied until they are 8 but after that you can use your judgment about which changing room you use, there are a couple of larger changing rooms available for families within the male/female areas.

I think the best plan is for places to have mixed changing with a number of larger rooms for families. This seems to be the way things are going as older facilities are improved or new ones built.

I don't agree with people showering naked in communal facilities though. That is just wrong.

Floggingmolly · 10/10/2014 18:14

There were two of you Take turns, then you can close your curtains! Did that honestly not occur to you?

Andrewofgg · 10/10/2014 18:16

I think the best plan is for places to have mixed changing with a number of larger rooms for families. This seems to be the way things are going as older facilities are improved or new ones built.

My pool is about ten years old and has no space for anything of the sort. So separation at a given age is unavoidable and eight seems right to me.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/10/2014 18:17

I dont want to see naked bits in the ladies changing rooms either tbh. Shut those curtains

redshifter · 10/10/2014 18:19

What I don't get though is why you were so bothered being seen wearing a towel. Surely you were wearing a lot less when you were in the pool or poolside. Do you think your body only becomes visible to young boys when you get to the changing room?

I had this when we were on holiday in Greece. A woman complained to me that my 9 year old DS was in the changing room and could see her in her rather large bra and knickers. She didn't seem to realise that my son and his 15 year old brother (and everyone else) were having a good look at her while she sun bathed and applied sun cream all over herself while next to us poolside all day wearing just a tiny thong. And yes my boys tried very hard not to stare while she applied cream to her quite ample breasts 3 feet away from them. And my DP was having a good look too I think.

Purplepixiedust · 10/10/2014 18:27

It has only just occurred to me actually that he is now allowed to change in the mens in his own.

What's wrong with him using the mens on his own? Well he would drop his clothes in a puddle, not put something in the locker, leave something behind etc. if he was ages, I wouldn't be able to check on him. At this age, he never goes anywhere without an adult looking out for him, he is with us, friends, family, at school where he is delivered and collected from the gate or some other organised environment. This seems a funny place to start giving him his independance. I don't necessarily think the world is full of paedos but then again why take the risk.

Having though about it, I may head for pools with unisex changing rooms from now.

KoalaDownUnder · 10/10/2014 18:33

YANBU. At all!

My gym has separate male and female changing rooms, plus a couple of 'family' changing rooms. Once your child is over 8, they either go in the change room assigned to their gender, or you all use the family room.

Women and girls should feel free to walk around naked in a female change room if they choose, without older boys being in there.

KERALA1 · 10/10/2014 18:34

Yanbu boys over 8 shouldn't be in womens changing rooms. Why should you have to struggle to remain covered because some mothers can't cut the apron strings? Clue is in the name - ladies changing room.

KoalaDownUnder · 10/10/2014 18:38

I think the best plan is for places to have mixed changing with a number of larger rooms for families.

Yes, this is great for people who go swimming with their families! As a single woman, I wouldn't want to tie up a family change room, but I don't want to try and get showered and dressed in a room full of strange blokes, either.

KERALA1 · 10/10/2014 18:44

My dd is 8. No way would I want to get undressed in front of some of her class mates.

whois · 10/10/2014 18:48

It was the ladies changing room. You know, for ladies. Cut the bloody apron strings and teach your 8 year old+ how to get changed by himself in the men's.

Purplepixiedust · 10/10/2014 18:54

I meant family rooms in addition to lots of regular one person changing rooms Koala. That way nobody needs to get changed in front of anyone.

I always shower in my cossie and have never seen anyone shower naked in communal changing rooms.

KoalaDownUnder · 10/10/2014 19:06

Okay, I'm obviously imagining something different here.

I'm not familiar with 'regular one-person changing rooms'. My gym has one big changing room for females and one for males. Within that, there is a row of toilets with doors, and a row of showers with doors. And a big open-plan area with lockers.

It would slow things down considerably if everyone was tying up shower cubicles to get changed in...generally, you shower and then walk out into the main area and get dressed there.

KERALA1 · 10/10/2014 19:06

Hate showering in my costume can't get properly clean. Don't see why I should have to scrabble around covering my bits at all times in the ladies changing rooms because some parents haven't taught their 8 year olds how to get dressed without an adult on hand.

pukkapine · 10/10/2014 19:18

Not that we have this problem because our pool is all mixed sex with cubicles... but it's a little disconcerting reading for the mother of a tall 8 year old boy who very much looks 10/11 but has high-functioning ASD, Sensory Processing Disorder and Dyspraxia... he couldn't cope alone in a separate changing area - he's less capable of dressing/undressing himself and following the process of getting changed etc than his 4 year old sister... I guess the answer in these situations is to go in to a disabled changing room... but then DS doesn't 'look' like he has SEN (unless of course something triggers a meltdown then it becomes somewhat obvious...). You can't win!

pukkapine · 10/10/2014 19:21

and I can assure it's not because I haven't bothered to try and teach him... grrrrr

Andrewofgg · 10/10/2014 19:36

KoalaDownUnder That sounds like mine, except that the men's side also has urinals and the showers are separated by perspex partitions between them and nothing in front of them. And nowhere to change in privacy. Which is why the eighth-birthday rule has to be applied to everyone.

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