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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to meet nor have any clue how to handle this sexist arse?

387 replies

Vintagecrap · 10/10/2014 08:51

I am meeting the boyfriends father tomorrow. I have been pre warned that he is rather sexist and is known for offending people.
He will refer to woman as ' look at that little machine' and ' the bird likes x, does she'

The boyfriend says that he would probably be diagnosed with some condtion nowadays, but as it is he is 60 ish and it isnt going to happen, and that in some ways his behavoior has led him to be successful as he has done very well for himself in terms of career and wealth.

All of his previous girlfriends have hated him, bar one, who let him suck her toes once ( and i cant imagine a situation where this would even happen)

The brother is also going to be there, he doesnt work, lives like a hermit, lives off family money and rarely speaks.

Normal course of the evening is to get awfully drunk, argue about politics and wave their arms around.

I really do not want to sit in the company of someone who thinks im a ' machine' because i happen to have boobs and a vagina.
I have no idea how to handle it at all really.

I know no family is perfect, but at least mine made my boyfriend feel welcome and he was sent home with a ton of food and cake.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 07:14

Can't really see what other options there are really.

I refuse to make excuses for someone's behaviour and I'm not accepting that sort of behaviour either.

I don't know what he could even try to say to make it ok. There isn't really anything.

It's just a fucking disgrace.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 12/10/2014 07:19

Yeah, that situation was never going to end well.

Seems like he is a chip off the old block.

CuttedUpPear · 12/10/2014 07:25

Poor you OP, I hope you find a nice way to fill today and get back together with your DD and your dog soon.

Thanks Thanks Thanks

KiwiJude · 12/10/2014 07:27

Oh dear, when in Rome blah blah blah but it seems the boyfriend forgot to tell your the apple didn't fall far from the tree when he was warning you about his Da. Stuff that! Facing forwards VC...

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 07:28

I've missed massive chucks out. Like the bit where the dad said he was in love with his ex wife's daughter. Or the bit where he told his son he should go home as I look up for a fuck.

It's like it wasn't really happening, that's how bad it was.

Then because it was so late, I couldn't get a parking space near my house so had to walk for 5 mins by myself at 1am with no streetlights. I'm furious about that too

OP posts:
EveDallasRetd · 12/10/2014 07:35

The ONLY saving grace here is that you have found out what he is like BEFORE you got heavily entwined.

Easy for me to say, but cut your losses. It doesn't really matter how 'nice' your DP is without this mans influence, there is always the chance that this is the 'real' him - and that would he a terrible fate.

Stay angry, get your kid and your dog and be thankful for them. Take care.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 12/10/2014 07:35

In vino veritas eh. As PPs have said, Bf is a chip off the old block and the apple not falling far from the tree. At least you know why the Bf remains in touch with his Ol' Da, it's not because DDad and the DBro are all the family he has, it's because the three are like peas in a pod!

TerribleMother · 12/10/2014 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloatIsRechargedNow · 12/10/2014 07:42

I'm trying to write this sympathetically whilst also seeing the really funny side which, once you have a chance to reflect, you will too because it really is so over the top. I do think though that the Dad specifically does this to GFs as some warped form of initiation to see how they react and tbh I'm not sure which way I would have played it myself although after the fucking his ds comments I would have been pretty blunt at that point. The dad also knows how to lead your bf astray. The bro turning out to be ok after all does demonstrate that we shouldn't form ideas about people based on hearsay and I'd suggest dumping bf for him but then you would still get the dad.
Thanks for this post OP and I'm sorry that I've had a laugh at your expense so I hope you're ok.

And please update later on the extent of bf's (stbxbf?) grovelling.

CSIJanner · 12/10/2014 07:46

I was also going to say dump BF for the brother but then you've given fuel for fire for their next singsong.

Quick shower to wash the evening off then head over to your mums with some croissants. Do something nice with them both for the day. And be prepared for missed calls and texts late afternoon from the grovelling and head sore BF.

Pumpkinpositive · 12/10/2014 07:50

Sounds like your (ex?) boyfriend morphs into his dad when drunk. And he obviously doesn't know when he's had more than enough.

I think meeting the dad has been beneficial. It let you see your boyfriend in his true colours. Thanks

mumteedum · 12/10/2014 08:07

I'd say run like the wind. Even if bf was not behaving like dad, the fact he asked you to endure that is disgusting. A man would put his woman's feelings above any purile nonsense like that. He is a pathetic child looking for approval from a vile man.

Flowers
RandomMess · 12/10/2014 08:08

Def time to dump the bf he clearly has some deep rooted beliefs of his own that appear once alcohol has been consumed AND he's trying to dump all the blame on his dad.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 08:13

Sadly I have to go to work today, so can't get dd or the pooch till later.

I don't care much what grovelling apology comes my way as I'm too cross to even listen to it right now.

Weirdly one gf did go off with the brother. .......

It's a whole fucked up family. If my boyfriend had only had a few, stuck up for me and left at a decent hour, it would have been different.

Instead he got paraletic, left me to being embarrassed by sex questions by his dad, ignored me while he bashed a dent in the table and put on a derogatory song about cunts.

Then puked every where.

You couldn't make it up.

Course, we are all assuming he will say sorry. Worse is that he won't think he did anything wrong and that the whole thing was ok.

How fucking dare he.

OP posts:
Mushypeasandchipstogo · 12/10/2014 08:17

Get rid of bf now! If this is at the start of the relationship just imagine how worse it could get. Your bf is a total arse and I wouldn't want any child of mine to be anywhere near him.

BMW6 · 12/10/2014 08:22

Well, it's not really a question of "how dare he" is it - this is who he is and always will be. Obviously a case of "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree".

Just dump him. No brainer.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 08:22

I think the same.
I'm not sure how I would want to spent time with him. Let alone kiss or have sex with him now.
I feel a bit sick.

I just can't believe that happened.

I don't know who can think that was ok. My mum says I should have phoned her to come and get me when they put that awful song on. I should have really.

I think I was just shocked and didn't know what to do as it was so out of the relms of any sort of normal behaviour. I was the only woman in a room of very drunk men, I just can't fathom how they thought that would be a good thing to do.

Fucks sake.

OP posts:
Inertia · 12/10/2014 08:23

Time to dump your boyfriend, if you don't want to spend the rest of your life dealing with that crap.

He is showing you that his view of women, including you, is a hole for him to fuck. I wouldn't even contact him again.

CornChips · 12/10/2014 08:25

Wow Vintage that was a truly truly awful thing to go through. I am totally admiring of you for your fury and your resoluteness in going home last night.

So sorry you have to work today. Hope the day gets ALOT better, and yes, I think your 'DP' has given you a valuable insight into his character.

Thanks
Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 08:29

It's so at odds with how he has been. He is quite prudish and embarrassed about sexual things.
The dad laughed at one point and said he was two very reserved and prudish sons as he brought them up well.
Then asked me some sexual question.

Fucked up.

The boyfriend is to embarrassed to even say ' cum' yet he is happy to sing very loudly about fish flaps in front of his gf?

Fucked up.

I'm not going to be a part of that shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 08:34

Yes, well I have been single a long time and my tolerance to any kind of shit is very small.

Like hell am I going to stay in a bed with a man who has disrespected me so much and is puking. There is no reason on earth I would do that.

I just calmly got up, packed my stuff and left. He did beg, which I told him was pathetic and said he wasn't going to let me leave.... but I said I was leaving and he was being very selfish by trying to stop me and that he was making me more and more cross every time he spoke to me.

I didn't shout. Didn't cry. Nothing.

Not worth it.

OP posts:
BadLad · 12/10/2014 08:38

When you say they "put that song on" are you saying they actually have a cd/tape/mp3 of a song that someone released?

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 12/10/2014 08:42

It was on an ipod with speaker docs

They were playing it for hours. So loud you couldn't talk. Then because I kept saying I did need to go, the boyfriend decided he would pick a few favourite ones so they didn't waste time. There was this, followed by abbas dancing queen, then Mozart.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 12/10/2014 08:51

What a complete shocker. Well done for leaving. I hope the rest of your weekend is better. It has to be!

figgieroll · 12/10/2014 08:52

Can you see the funny side of his behaviour? And laugh inwardly, storing everything up for a good chuckle with boyfriend and best friend after.

I used to struggle with FIL's awful behaviour but being slightly emotionally removed and seeing the funny side helped hugely

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