To think I have good grounds for refusing to work with this person?

[kittensinmittens]

Who:

Smokes
Listens to loud head banging music
Throws rubbish out of the car including cans (hate this, it affects wildlife)

I don't want any trouble but I don't see why I should have to put up with it either!!

What is damned infuriating is that whilst you get paid £6.something... Me as a disabled client gets the pleasure of paying nigh on £20 per hr.

£20 phr for demotivated and disgruntled staff who put up with being paid no travel time, often given no time in the schedule either so perpetually late and running behind. And often people who are as horrible and intimidating as your colleague.

It's shit. For carers and clients.

I firmly believe that if carers are treated right, the industry would attract the right people, and also stop those people from disintegrating into disempowered wobbly jellies (sorry OP meant nicely!).

Have you thought about looking for a private carer job? Depending on the area I know it's easier said than done...

That's such a good pointMiscellaneous - it is disgusting that you have to pay around £20 per hour for the care you need but the actual carer receives so little and as you say, many carers (not all of coure) are demotivated and not at all the 'right' sort of people to be doing care work. My neighbour has carers and you can see them hanging around, smoking, before they go into the house, obviously cutting corners and leaving as quickly as they can .

I do voluntary work with a group of unemployed people - quite honestly none of them are suitable to be carers - but they were all sent on some form of government funded course to become .............. cares - I despair.

Miscellaneous I think you'd like me :)

And I like the job. I know (believe me) that many carers give us all a bad name but some of the women I work with are incredible. Always smiling, always happy to help, treat people with real kindness and dignity. No ones complained about me and I honestly do whatever I can for people. I've got one darling elderly lady later and she is so lovely but just lonely. How can I not help alleviate that for her?

Of course we've got one or two difficult ones as well but most people,are nice . I'd hope if I had a fall or just became elderly and frail someone would do the same for me.

I do take exception though to 'disempowered wimps' or whatever the phrase was. I realise you said 'meant nicely' but what I don't think you appreciate is how paramount teamwork and cooperation from your co worker is in this job. You can spend hours with them after all. It is just about me trying to tackle the issue in a way that doesn't cause a big ruckus as although I dislike the other carer, she is popular amongst clients and so they won't want to lose her.

I honestly think everyone should do the job I do for a week and then come back and call me a disempowered wimp - it's easy to be smug about it when it's not you!

The only person calling anyone a disempowered wimp is yourself OP!

Personally, I think it's entirely understandable that if you have poor working conditions and are intimidated by the antisocial behaviour of your colleague, then the natural consequence is that someone will be disempowered and feel upset and wobbly as you've shown on this thread. Treat someone badly and there are consequences.

Where is the insult in that?

I've only scanned the latter few pages of this thread. I don't understand why the OP's getting such a hard time! She's not a naturally assertive or confrontational person, and it working with someone who sounds like they are, who is additionally making their shared journey time particularly unpleasant, and the OP isn't sure how to go about getting this changed.

OP - I'm also not very good at sticking up for myself with 'strong' characters, and I think you need to speak to a line manager/senior person. You can keep this conversation breezy and light: "Being assigned to share a car with this person isn't really working, as she smokes and it makes me feel carsick. I don't feel like I can ask her to stop, since it's her car, so I think I need to be assigned to someone else. The two of us travelling together isn't working out." You're not refusing to work with them, you're not being difficult, you're just calmly explaining that car sharing isn't working and needs to change. You might have to be a bit persistent with this person, but I think explaining calmly that it's her car, you aren't able to dictate her behaviour in her own car and are concerned about straining your working relationship if you try to, gives you good grounds for asking not to work with her anymore.

HTH. No idea why you're getting such a hard time on here. Talk to them soon, stay calm and reasoned, and just explain that you can't keep travelling with a smoker and aren't in a position to tell her what to do in her own car without creating tensions between you, so need different arrangements working out. Good luck and don't listen to all the posters who seem to think you can just steamroller your way through!

Kittens, you sound lovely and ideal as a carer. Not everyone is as brave as some of the posters here and I'd probably just out up and shut up about the situation myself.

I hope you get sorted

Kittens - if they are requiring you to share a car, then effectively the car is a 'work space'.

In that case work rules need to apply. At a minimum, no smoking and no loud music MUST be the rule. That needs to be apply REGARDLESS of who is in the car with her. If both people want to smoke you STILL can't smoke in the car.

If she is breaking that, then she needs to face disciplinary action.

If they don't want to go down the route of making it a rule, then they need to pay you to drive down in your own car.