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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have good grounds for refusing to work with this person?

182 replies

kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:02

Who:

Smokes
Listens to loud head banging music
Throws rubbish out of the car including cans (hate this, it affects wildlife)

I don't want any trouble but I don't see why I should have to put up with it either!!

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 07/10/2014 23:12

I'm fairly sure the manager would understand. I'm not the only person who has made this request, put it that way!

Shock

So what exactly is the point of this thread? Confused

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 23:13

Mother it's like this.

Pay is £6.90 an hour. But that's contact time only.

So let's say we have contact time of fifteen minutes with four people who live five minutes away from each other.

Person A - fifteen minutes (paid)
Five minutes driving (unpaid)
Person B - fifteen minutes (paid)
Five minutes driving (unpaid)
Person C - fifteen minutes (paid)
Five minutes driving (unpaid)
Person D - fifteen minutes (paid.)

The contact time isn't a problem as obviously we don't smoke in people's homes or listen to loud music. But driving between them are where the problems arise. I've said five minutes there for ease but it can be anything up to fifteen minutes. And we generally see nine or ten people per 'shift' and do it to four shifts a day so it amounts to a LOT of travelling time.

I hope that that, makes a bit more sense.

So when you're driving in your own car and it's unpaid it's hard to insist you do this or that hit after tonight ... I just can't take it!!

OP posts:
Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 23:14

Dial to ask for advice on wording this to my manager. I have said that, more than once now, so really there is no need for the sarcasm.

It's not me who missed the point.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 07/10/2014 23:16

I think overall you need to work on being assertive. Your manager may be open to resolving this for you THIS Time due to the smoking issue.
What happens if he pairs you with someone else who has unbearable habits. You can't expect him/her to get involved each time without you standing out as being the problem.

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 23:16

Santa you sound like you work for the same company as me - named after a bird? :)

I never get single calls for some reason prob because I'm part time.

I get on with everybody else!

OP posts:
Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 23:17

Lady actually, I can, when it's a reasonable issue.

It's not like I'm complaining as we support a different football team or I think our political leanings are different, it's health and safety.

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 07/10/2014 23:17

Wording what? You just go and tell your manager exactly what the issue is. As you say- other people have had the same issue and you think your manager will understand.

Waltermittythesequel · 07/10/2014 23:17

I am by nature a shy person

Really?!

Just channel whoever you're being tonight the next time you deal with her!

MagicMojito · 07/10/2014 23:19

It's the cowards way out but id probobly lie and say that the smoke affects your chest when your in the car and that its starting to effect your ability to do your job.

It doesn't stop her from acting selfishly and being an arse but at least its no longer your problem. Anything for an easy life.

Bulbasaur · 07/10/2014 23:20

Well, unfortunately if it's her car it is hard to tell someone to stop their obnoxious habits. Can you request you take your car instead so you have some ground to tell her she can't smoke?

Wording to the manager:

"Hey, I'm really enjoying my job so far, -list reasons-. Coworker is really lovely. Unfortunately we clash when it comes to sharing a vehicle. I am a non-smoker do not like smelling like smoke. As I said, coworker is a nice girl, but we're just not compatible when sharing a car. I'd like to request a car with a non-smoker. Thank you."

Easy.

I'd leave out the littering and loud music. Litter makes it sound like you're tattling, and loud music just makes you seem petty. Stick to the smoking. Non-smokers not wanting to be around smoke is a socially acceptable and impersonal reason to not want to share a car with someone.

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 23:20

Dia, okay, it's clear you think I'm a useless waste of space.

Look. I don't want to cause any trouble. I want to explain as politely as possible I'd prefer to work with someone else without losing "my" shift.

I hoped people could help.

I get you think I'm pathetic, but without wanting to drop feed I've had a bloody awful time lately. I don't have the energy for a row. Not with you. And not with co worker. I'm almost wondering if you are her as this is how she speaks to me as well. Sort of 'Durr well it's obvious if you're not stupid."

I'd be grateful if you'd stop. It's upsetting me a lot actually which probably is unreasonable but it really is

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 07/10/2014 23:21

On a totally different, and probably more serious, note - should you even be doing double up calls with someone you are fairly scared of?

What would happen if you questioned her judgment on something relating to a client? Would you feel you could speak up against her, there and then? If not, that may well be a better reason to put to your Manager.

In our branch, to be fair, if anyone has this sort of problem they just speak to the Branch Manager & explain why they don't want to work with that person any more. I accept that not all companies work in the same way though.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 07/10/2014 23:21

You're taking your anger out on the people who are trying to help you here. You won't get very good advice this way. But maybe it makes you feel better?

Anyway, Your employer can't insist that you travel in a car where someone is smoking. So legally, there should be no issue about this.

If you are genuinely scared of your colleague (vs scared of making your needs known, which is different), then ask your manager /HR to intervene. They should help you put your point across if you are scared of getting hurt or her abusing you in some way.

The littering and loud music is less clear cut than the smoking but should come under the banner of 'antisocial behaviour'

I feel really really sorry for the vulnerable people that this ghastly person 'cares for'. If you are terrified of her as a fully functioning and independent adult, imagine what elderly and disabled people feel like. Horrible. People like that should not be allowed near the job. :(

DiaDuit · 07/10/2014 23:22

Dia, okay, it's clear you think I'm a useless waste of space.

Dramatic much? Hmm

You are making far more of this issue than it needs to be.

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 23:23

Walter can you really not see the difference between fru started and upset on a screen and dealing with people in rl.

I have been genuinely upset, to the point of tears, by these responses. Yes that's me being an idiot which I can see but it doesn't change the fact I'm upset - I would be upset if she had a go as well which she would.

Thanks for useful advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 23:24

Ok Dia its dramatic. But to be honest I think whatever I say unless it's yes thanks Dia you're right , will be wrong, won't it.

You have made me FEEL pathetic. Okay?

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 07/10/2014 23:24

No, not named after a bird - although I know the one you mean Wink.

I am part-time too and only do single calls (well 90% of the time) nowadays. Maybe you could request to go onto singles when a round becomes available?

Our branch actually has many more single calls to cover than doubles so are always very happy to oblige! Grin

SolidGoldBrass · 07/10/2014 23:25

If you go to HR whining the way you have been whining on here, you won't get very far.

DiaDuit · 07/10/2014 23:25

I'm almost wondering if you are her

Pretend i am and practise being more assertive with her an asking her to stop these behaviours.

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 23:26

Mis this thread hasn't made me feel better Sad

It's really upset me actually.

Comments like grow a pair, put up or shut up, you sound difficult - I've responded to them as they are unfair and untrue.

But obviously I've be rude without meaning to.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 07/10/2014 23:26

I'm baffled by your responses, to be honest. And I think you're being out of order with Dia.

You're accusing her of saying things to you that she just isn't.

I get that the situation is bothersome for you but it IS your problem. Not your fault, your problem.

But you don't want people telling you that??

Get some sleep and then tomorrow tell your manager you can't travel with someone who smokes in the car. It really is that simple.

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 23:29

NO Walter. It's just - oh god I don't know, I can't even explain as I don't want people thinking I'm being rude, and I'm not being rude. But it makes you feel so helpless when you're trying desperately to explain and you can't.

People have said stuff like throw her out, tell her not to, do this, do that. A d it's just not an option. But it's made me feel like I'm the idiot,the fool, for letting it happen. I'm trying to explain, I'm working with someone who isn't reasonable in their behaviour. And whatever I say gets sort of twisted and it's frustrating me.

Look I'll ask MN to delete. I think that's best. I shouldn't have posted after a 15 hour day!

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 07/10/2014 23:29

You have made me FEEL pathetic. Okay?

No actually, not okay. You will not transfer the blame for your feelings on to me. Throughout this thread you have been calling yourself an idiot, pathetic etc. it is very clear that you think those things of yourself as a habit so dont dare start trying to blame me for feelings you were already having or fully intending to create in yourself regardless of the outcome of this thread.

SolidGoldBrass · 07/10/2014 23:31

Actually, the only grounds for complaint you have is the smoking. Go to your manager and say that other person is a smoker and the smoke is distressing you. Ask them what they suggest doing to resolve the problem. Do not bleat and whine about being afraid of your co-worker, or his/her taste in music, and FFS don't get your undies in a bunch about any other co-workers they assign you to.

Waltermittythesequel · 07/10/2014 23:31

But nobody has said that since you explained!

People have said to speak to your manager. You have said your manager will understand and that she's been complained about before.

That's it! Sorted. Job done.