Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have good grounds for refusing to work with this person?

182 replies

kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:02

Who:

Smokes
Listens to loud head banging music
Throws rubbish out of the car including cans (hate this, it affects wildlife)

I don't want any trouble but I don't see why I should have to put up with it either!!

OP posts:
Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:26

Kslatts basically they only pay mileage for one car, were expected to share, if I used mine as well I'd actually lose money, otherwise I definitely would.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 07/10/2014 22:26

Now that I've read this I don't think YABU to refuse to work with this person. Refuse to travel in the car unless she stops smoking. Your boss should have a duty of care and you shouldn't be exposed to cigarette smoke. Loud music also dreadful. I'd be looking for another job if Icouldn't get this sorted out.

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:28

Dia seriously it would cause a massive massive argument and the person does actually scare me, v loud and confrontational. Oh and is technically my senior.

I'll ask again to please stop making it sound like I'm asking for it. Maybe if you work in an office or another strictly regulated environment it's easy to look at me in disbelief and say I'm being soft or whatever.

But if I refuse to get in her car - she says fine, fuck off. And I have to use mine. Fine but then I LOSE money, it would cost me to work!

Force her to get in mine - how? Pick her up? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:30

*we're, not were sorry.

I need to explain to my boss I feel uncomfortable but I need help on how to do it. As the person is respected and is senior to me.

This is all pretty stressful, I'm not joking, I really do have an awful headache tonight and feel very unhappy.

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 07/10/2014 22:31

and the person does actually scare me, v loud and confrontational.

Even more reason not to share a car with her.

Split the mileage money between you.

You are actually going to have to grow a spine and deal with this somehow or else suck it up. There is no way to do this without pissing someone off. Either her, your or both.

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:38

Dia sorry if this sounds sharp but you don't have a clue.

That is NOT how it works. The person who drives in their car is the person who puts petrol in their car so they claim the mileage money. If I drove, I wouldn't give the mileage money to my co worker as I'm driving, I'm spending the money.

I have to say I really don't care for 'grow a pair' funnily enough when you tell people not to smoke in their car they get shirty with you. I agree it's bad manners but that's the point, someone who listens to music at teeth rattling volume and smokes and chucks litter out of cars, doesn't tend to be the sort of person who listens to polite requests to turn it down not to do that. So don't turn this into ME, I am not the one at fault here.

I am by nature a shy person and I don't see why I should have to be on the receiving end of a horrible argument, when I haven't done anything wrong.

I don't want to work with her, I have the right I think to work in a non smoky non loud car.

OP posts:
thereturnofshoesy · 07/10/2014 22:40

sadly you need to tell someone.
if you can't speak to her, then perhaps the next person up.

DoubtfireDear · 07/10/2014 22:41

If you really feel like you can't confront her face to face, you need to speak to her senior.

Explain how she makes you feel, the impact on your health from the smoking etc. Say that
you don't want to tell her how to behave in her own car, so can they either talk to her about it or give you milage allowance to use your own
means of travel.

I'm a smoker, I smoke in my car, but not if there are non-smokers present.

The littering is illegal.

Loud music is inconsiderate. I don't blame you for feeling intimidated by someone who doesn't seem to give a shit about anyone else at all, jusr remember you're not unreasonable for objecting to her horrible behaviour, she's unreasonable to behave like that at all.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 07/10/2014 22:41

Ffs is there any need to be so arsey with people?
How will refusing to work with her be less awkward than having a word with her?

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:42

Yes, I'm wondering how to word it so I don't sound like a troublemaker Sad

The thing is, it's like ... it's hard to explain, but out driving in someone else's car and you're not paid for it even though you're sort of at work, it's a bit of a grey area, and even though people say oh I would do this or that when it came to it you probably wouldn't. Because even if you did you'd just get ignored or shut up or fuck off even.

OP posts:
Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:43

Sharon yes there is a need! Because the implication is it is my fault! that because I'm a bit shy I'm bringing it on myself and other mumsnetters well they'd just storm in and give her what for! Without knowing or understanding a thing as dia's post about the mileage showed! And I did apologise for sounding sharp but I've had a day of it and I feel SICK from loud music and don't like being told it's my own fault!

OP posts:
GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 07/10/2014 22:45

Sounds terrible.

You need to put in a written complaint about this person.

The bad language alone is grounds for complaint, and I'm pretty certain you can't be forced to inhale cigarette smoke in your place of work.

thereturnofshoesy · 07/10/2014 22:45

op I think you will find people are just making suggestions, not having a go, you will get different answers and some won't work for you

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 07/10/2014 22:46

It's not your own fault at all. Some people need a stern word from a manager, otherwise they won't reign it in. I'd speak to your line manager, and put it in writing so they can't forget.

DiaDuit · 07/10/2014 22:46

funnily enough when you tell people not to smoke in their car they get shirty with you

Yep which is why your next phrase should be 'get the fuck out of my car'

If you allow people to so things you dont want them to do- guess what? They'll keep doing them and you'll be no further on.

LadyLuck10 · 07/10/2014 22:47

Geez op you are being so snippy. People stated obvious suggestions. If you don't want to take them on board then what did you post for?

Bailey101 · 07/10/2014 22:47

I know it's a lot easier to be confrontational on the internet then in real life, but if you were half stroppy with your co worker as you are on here, then I doubt you'd be having any more issues.

Is there any reason why you can't alternate car use, for example you each drive 3 days a week and take half the petrol money? That way you get what you want half the time and so does she.

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:48

Honey I know but it just makes me feel like it's my own fault and it isn't. I'm good at my job and I know I am. But you have to spend a long period with your co worker and it just makes for a horrible atmosphere if you've been like 'right, firstly you cannot smoke in my presence and secondly I don't wish to listen to your music ..."

You just sound like a pompous arse which is so the opposite of what I am, and plus I can't insist someone doesn't smoke in their car in their time - I can request but not insist, you see?

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 07/10/2014 22:49

No-one is saying it's your fault OP. but it is YOUR problem. I.e: YOU will have to do something to change it because no-one else can do that for you.

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:51

I'm not snippy I'm very upset that people think it's my fault, if you think this is snippy you want to meet my co worker!

Dia ... Like I say you don't get it.

So we are on our way to person X, we need two people to do our jobs. I throw co worker out of my car (how, physically? She's a lot bigger than me.) but even assuming she gets out of her own free will, what do I do?

I'm sorry I had to leave mr y without his medication, in a wet pad, hungry and without a cup of tea, because I threw co worker out of my car.

I would be neglecting my duty.

This isn't said snippily it's said sadly, you just don't understand, because you're not in my position. I don't know where you work but I'm in a difficult position here, I need advice on how to word a complaint not people telling me what a pushover I am.

OP posts:
Momagain1 · 07/10/2014 22:51

You have to ask at least once. So you can say you did before asking supervisors to sort it. If she is the supervisor, she is a terrible one, go over her head. If she is the owner, get another job.

thereturnofshoesy · 07/10/2014 22:52

go to your manager and ask to work with someone else.
site the smoking as the reason

Original poster
kittensinmittens · 07/10/2014 22:52

Dia I do not wish to work with this person, I think it is reasonable. Maybe she can work with someone who smokes and likes head banging music. I don't.

I really feel rubbish enough, please stop implying it's me for not being assertive or stroppy enough.please.

OP posts:
OwlWearingSunglasses · 07/10/2014 22:54

If it's a car that's being claimed "mileage" on to get your workmate and you to and transporting you between jobs, is that not a "workplace" so covered by the same rules as any workplace, "No Smoking" etc?

As for the music, can't you find something you want to hear on the radio and ask for that?

The cans being flung out of the window, no idea. You can't change someone's ideas like that.

thereturnofshoesy · 07/10/2014 22:54

for some reason I still want to know what music it is.

Swipe left for the next trending thread