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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 07/10/2014 15:12

You haven't made your bed but you are going to have to use your hormones to your full advantage by screaming get the fuck out of my house you using cunt weasle very very loudly.

And repeatedly until he leaves.

You owe this person less than nothing, what the fuck are you - a hotel? A doormat ?

MissPenelopeLumawoo · 07/10/2014 15:12

YANBU, they need to go. Can you talk to his daughter? Maybe she can help out. Claiming to have no money and then buying takeaway anyway would have been the final straw for me.

MelanieCheeks · 07/10/2014 15:13

Why would you be slated?

They are massively taking advantage - tell them they have to go.

ARGHtoAHHH · 07/10/2014 15:13

what Laurie said

jacks365 · 07/10/2014 15:14

Tell them they have till tomorrow to sort out alternative accommodation. He can pay for a hotel or go to his daughter, now you know why she didn't want them. You're only going to get sympathy from me no bashing.

Nancy66 · 07/10/2014 15:15

so he went from asking if he could stay a few days to assuming he can stay for several months?

they're just freeloaders. You tell them they have to leave, give them until the weekend.

Stewedcoot · 07/10/2014 15:17

Poor you! You sound lovely and he is taking advantage of that!

Say that you need to speak to him tonight. Tell him that your circumstances have changed, that you have developed a serious complication with your pregnancy and that your doctor has advised complete rest and quiet. Tell him therefore that you need him to please leave by the weekend. Don't explain any further or be apologetic or enter in to any negotiations; if he tries to protest, just repeat "I am sorry but you must understand that the health of my baby must be my priority here". He's a grown man and will have to fend for himself. YOu've already done him a huge favour. And he shouldn't have really asked all of this of you in the first place when you are heavily pregnant; and tbh, I'm not sure a true friend would have done.

Be strong!

Good luck!

gamerchick · 07/10/2014 15:17

Tell him to get the fuck out right now or you're having him removed.

Cheeky twat.

cherrybombxo · 07/10/2014 15:18

You really need to tell them to go as soon as possible, the longer you allow it the harder it will be to kick them out. It's your house, you're pregnant and they are massively taking the piss.

Whippet81 · 07/10/2014 15:20

Tell them to leave - you are going to have a baby in a couple of months - surely it will take longer to build up a deposit - I could cope with someone on my sofa for maybe a night but that would be it. I would have a row actually I hate confrontation but you need to get them out. They are no friend at all it doesn't matter if you never see them again. They were expecting you to buy all of their food? Wow.

simontowers2 · 07/10/2014 15:20

Find an excuse to get then out of your house for an hour. Dump their stuff in your front garden. Lock the doors. Go incommunicardo on him and if he starts banging on the door, phone the police and say you have no idea who he is. Taking the piss of you OP, clearly thinks you are a soft touch.

starfishmummy · 07/10/2014 15:21

So when your dh is home, both of you tell him that they have to go. That you want them to be gone by (xxday). Keep repeating. Don't get drawn into discussions about why they have to leave as no doubt they will have responses at the ready. Have details of some cheap b&bs or hostels to give them.

HazleNutt · 07/10/2014 15:21

announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house - NOT your problem! Kick them out! Honestly, this deserves a honourable mention in the Brass Neck category.

chrome100 · 07/10/2014 15:21

They are royally taking the piss but to be honest I don't understand why you can't just tell them this and ask them to leave. You're enabling them to take the piss by keeping quiet.

PtraciDjelibeybi · 07/10/2014 15:23

I feel so sorry for you - that sounds like a horrible situation.

If you are able to, wait for your husband to be with you before you broach the subject, so that your DH can back you up if your 'friend' tries to railroad you into letting them stay.

Good luck! Smile

Scattaboy · 07/10/2014 15:23

I would go with stewedcoots suggestion,they have behaved abominably and in order to avoid a big scene and more stress that is totally undesirable in your situation you will probably need a pretty unarguable reason and that seems like a good one. What an absolute tossed,what on earth leads people to feel so entitled???

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:24

Sorry, expecting to get slated, as that is often what happens on AIBU, however, perspective always a useful tool :)

his daughter at the other end of the country. he claimed to have approached me as he had been offered a job nearby, but don't understand why they still cam where when this wasn't the case as rest of his family also live near his daughter.

I did shout about the windows, but it takes a lot for me to get worked up, so now I'm just overemotional and tearful.

DH works very long hours, so I'm feeling quite trapped at home. Also they have got keys cut and given how unpleasant they have been about things, I can't help feeling quite trapped. Either way, locks will be changed the day they go...

I just think its massively off to invite yourself somewhere, treat the owner like shit, and then claim to have no money to move on.

I really feel like saying, 'not my problem'. Initially concerned about upsetting a friend, but getting the really not arced stage there.
I'm worried that i am over-reacting due to a difficult pregnancy and work deadlines, but can't help thinking I'd be pretty hacked off about being forced to change all of my other plans etc even if I weren't pregnant, poorly, or under pressure.

OP posts:
shushpenfold · 07/10/2014 15:24

Seriously - ask him to leave as he's taking the pee big time!

PurpleWithRed · 07/10/2014 15:25

They're appalling. What help do you need in getting rid of them? I Will happily come round and help you drive their crap to the tip.

LIZS · 07/10/2014 15:26

find the number of a local b and b or Travelodge . Alternatively static caravan parks are cheap at this time of year.

PurpleWithRed · 07/10/2014 15:26

Ps they aren't your friends.

MistressDeeCee · 07/10/2014 15:26

Im almost tempted to say it serves you bloody right, why da hell did you say yes to his request in the 1st place? He sounds controlling and bullying..he knows he can get away with it with you, and I bet thats exactly why he insisted on bulldozing his way into your home. How nice for him, saving on hotel fee. But, bloody hell...doesnt your DH have a voice?!!! My OH would take 1 look at this scenario and it would be sorry mate, time up. Then again Id never have let it get to this stage..I think you should tell him to leave and then both you and DH should go on an assertiveness course. Quickly. I

You must owe this man something that you're not stating here..because this scenario is almost unbelievable

LizLimone · 07/10/2014 15:27

Why did you ever agree to this? Do you owe him some huge favour in some way? He's not even family!

Hormones are irrelevant. You need to put your health and your baby's health first and tell him to take a hike.

You and your DH need to confront him and tell him to be out by the end of the week, no excuses. Tough luck if he doesn't have a deposit - why is that your problem? They're just a pair of freeloaders.

YouTheCat · 07/10/2014 15:28

I wouldn't make anything up. He is massively taking the piss. Tell him he can fuck off now and save yourself the bother of ever having to put up with him again.

Don't bother being polite about this. He's not been towards you.

Vintagejazz · 07/10/2014 15:28

Tell them you had agreed they could stay for a week or two, they have now been there for over a week and they must move out by Friday. There is not sufficient room in the house for everyone and as you are working from home it is not convenient to have people around the house during the day at the moment.

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