unwanted houseguests

[Cuppachaplz]

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

Don't feel guilty, you said a few days, they have decided that can be a few weeks, possibly a few months. That they have decided to pretend you said what they wanted you to say isn't your problem, it's theirs.

Sit them down tonight, this isn't working for you, you only agreed to a few days, you expect them gone by the weekend. they can go to a B&B if need be. He'll sort something. Not your problem.

You've agreed to a few days, they've had a few days, they should have thought about what they would do past those few days, not your problem their plan was "take the piss out of a friend"

Wow. Poor you. As others have said. Get them out.

You offered them a couple of days. You are pregnant with complications and need to avoid stress so they need to go. I wouldn't ask them how long they'll need. You need to be direct or these jokers will continue to take advantage.

I really can imagine how you feel being 29 weeks pregnant with people im your space. I would be crying all day long even if they were decent houseguests.

Stand firm, he is not a good friend.

No niceties needed with this pair of takers. Get out, get out, get out. Collect their stuff when it suits you and DH, pair of cheeky fuckers. It's not your problem they need to save for a deposit. They can do like the rest of us and look after their own problems.

Btw, someone ranting and screaming at them may do them no harm. Let those hormones loose

Please, please tell them they must leave by midday tomorrow and call the police if they refuse, it is totally unreasonable of them tobehave like this and there is no need for them to stay any longer. If they can't afford a hotel that is their problem not yours and they can find someone else to freeload from or go back where they came from.

I'd not want them there at all after "the chat". They don't sound like someone I'd want around my kids, house and "stuff" at all.

I'd ask DH to take the day off tomorrow and wake them early to move their stuff out, storage unit or whatever. I'd arrange for the locks to be changed that day and they can stay in a hostel or something else.

"Where am I supposed to go?" - "not my problem."

When I say "wake them tomorrow" I mean also have the chat tomorrow so that they aren't left alone in the house at any point to damage things.

This is quite simply appalling. OP if you live in the SW I will come and unleash 7 types of hell upon their heads on your behalf. Otherwise scream "Get out! Get out! Get out!" Until they get the message.

If you can afford it, book one night at a Travelodge or B&B for them. Hand them the printed booking confirmation, ask for the keys back (still change the locks, just don't mention it to them) and tell them they can collect any of their stuff they can't carry right now on Saturday between 12 and 2pm or Sunday between x time and y time otherwise it will be going to the charity shop on Monday.

Don't listen to any of the whining and bleating. They asked for a few days, they've had more than that.

Do NOT book them into a Travel Lodge they can make their own arrangements - they are not your responsibility!!

I cannot believe the fecking brass neck of this man. "Claim housing benefit" while he's staying with you? That takes weeks to come through. What the actual fuck? Get rid now or they will still be there, eating your food and being bloody objectionable by Christmas-time.

I don't blame you for waiting till your husband is back. He can take this load off you for the sake for your health and your unborn child.

I'm bloody furious on your behalf and I'm another who is willing to pop round and evict these scrounging bloody cuckoos for you.

You repeat, you free loading, pair of selfish cunts have an hour to pack up your fucking shit and leave my house and life for good. You have two options either voluntary or under police escort. But starting from now, you have one hour.

No way would I give these two an extra night. Am amazed at suggestions of letting them stay until the weekend. No wonder so many of you are bloody doormats when you allow fuckers like these to do as they please.

If you are unwilling to do it, I shall come. I am ready to rip someone to verbal shreds and will happily kick this pair out.

Don't worry about offending them. They haven't cared about offending you. Get them out any way you can.

Oh and fuck me. Book them a room somewhere? What on earth are you on?
Give them one hour. Not a damn thing more. It is far more than they actually deserve.

Book them a hotel? Wtf they are grown ups they can book their own bloody accommodation. The factorial they got keys cut shows they see this as a long term thing. Even if keys are handed back change the locks. Why are they still in your home?

Why the fuck would anyone waste good money paying for a hotel for them? They are adults. With jobs.

Stop being polite to them. They do not give a shiny shit about you, your home or your baby.

Ask for the keys, give them till the weekend, search for and print out a list of alternatives, buy them a hotel, say 'sorry' . . . All the reasons why mugs get taken for such.

Time to sling out their crap into the road. 'You are no longer welcome here. Get out. Right now. We sick of you because you are a pisstaking knobber who treats us like shit. So off you fuck.'

totally spot on LeftRight none of my friends are like this, its funny on Mumsnet how everybody seems to have one.

Call 101 and ask if the police can help, and if so, when and under what circumstances.
(Let us know too, as not sure tbh.) Mention the keys being cut without your permission and what happened when you asked them to leave.

Failing that, fake an early pregnancy wherever it is they're sleeping and splash some steak blood around. Then lock yourself in a bathroom until they have taken all their belongings and gone.

This user was never your friend. This is not how friends treat you. I had a friend and her husband invite herself over for a few days when I was having a difficult pregnancy. Husband drove off in their hire car for a few days and friend was a bit surprised that I wasn't up for driving her around. She didn't have children and didn't think my pregnancy might make me feel unwell or that I'd need any special treatment. She did catch on though, and made such a fuss of me and looked after me in a way, and got me laughing as only a good friend could. She showed me she really cared and wanted to spend time with me. See? That's a friend.

I have sympathy for you, OP, having had a similar experience when I was pregnant too.

DP's 'mate' came to stay for a weekend, then seemingly decided to move to our city and didn't think we would mind at all if he stayed a few more days while he found somewhere to live... five weeks later he was still in our spare room (which we needed to get decorated as a nursery), coming in at 1am pissed most nights.

He got really annoyed we wouldn't just get him a key cut, when we complained about the drunken late nights (I had to be up at 5am for work and was totally exhausted)! It eventually ended with a row between DP and his friend, who screamed at and insulted us then refused to leave until the police came to remove him.

He moved straight on to another couple who were friends of ours (also pregnant!) and they had him removed by the police after he broke a window to get in at 2am due to the door being locked.

Tell them they need to leave. Now. Give them 24 hours if you feel that bad about it. Then police (however silly you feel doing it) if they don't go. Leeches like him will find another mug to take them in very quickly, have no fear. They are experts at it!

All that stuff about your pregnancy and space is irrelevant.

If you don't want them to stay, tell them to leave. It is your home and it is that simple.

It is neither here nor there whereabouts in the fridge he put the takeaway or where you sit at breakfast because bottom line is you told them a few days and those days have passed.

Don't feel you need to make excuses or descend into an emotional mess, just tell them it is time to go.

Hey I have a huge house with plenty of spare room, no pregnancy hormones or busy plans, yet I just turned down a friend who wanted to stop for 3 nights with her daughter and daughter's friend because it didn't suit me

As I teach my dc, when you ask for something, the answer may be no.

I don't have any friends like this, Aero, nor would I dream of treating a person like this.

Best of luck Cup, I hope they at least leave quietly. Make sure the arseholes don't leave anything they're not happy for you to throw out.

The cheek of some people astounds me!

Ok, if you want a confrontation free way out how about this

1, Get the locks changed immediately.

2, Pack all their immediately needed belongings and leave them on the doorstep.

3, Either go out for the night or just turn all the lights off and close the curtains like we do at halloween when we've forgotten the sweets.

4, Stick a note on the door reading "Dear cheeky fucker, due to the stress of your unscheduled visit and your behaviour whilst in my home, I have been taken into hospital to monitor me and the baby due to extreme stress. There was no time to let you know and as someone left the door wide open and the keys on the drive, I have had to change the locks. I presume you have made alternative arrangements for housing, as our agreement to put you up for a few days has long since past. I have left what ever you will need immediately by the door, please arrange to have everything else removed by the weekend at the latest. I'm afraid that I can't forgive your behaviour, or the danger you put my unborn baby in ham it up a bit, so please don't contact me again. Regards, put upon friend"

5, Ignore the door, even better if you can find a neighbour to come out when they see him and tell him about your mad dash to the hospital and that you are obviously not back yet, hope it's not too serious, you were told no stress etc.

This is not a friend, this is a lazy cunt with entitlement issues. Kick his freeloading arse to the curb OP. Change your locks and don't leave the house until you have.

Does friend have something on you OP? Because I am absolutely aghast at how this has happend. This stage of your pregnancy should be a restful and yes enjoyable time. Your DH needs to step up to the plate and chuck them both out pronto!