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unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
cardamomginger · 07/10/2014 16:34

Fuckers Angry.

Whichever way you cut it, it sounds like as far as you are concerned the friendship is over. So you might as well chuck their sorry arses out ASAP. Don't worry about upsetting them, inconveniencing them, giving them something to bitch and moan about for the next umpteen decades. Just do it. They have put you in the position where you have nothing to lose.

TOTAL fuckers Angry Angry.

HansieLove · 07/10/2014 16:34

I'm going out now, but I hope when I come back in a few hours, you have seen the backs of these freeloaders.
You and your baby do not need the stress.

cees · 07/10/2014 16:34

Stop trying to be the cool absolutely anything goes friend and wake up. i can't believe you have let them away with all this. You have lost babies in the past and here you are putting this prick and his girlfriend before your own health and that of your child.

I am gobsmacked you have let this get this far and where is your partner, why hasn't he flung them out by now?

Selinemaratima · 07/10/2014 16:35

Honey this sounds horrendous!!! Truly maddening and the timing could not be worse! You need to stay calm and think about keeping your emotions as level as poss - you're pregnant and you don't need to stress out. I know this is a complete cop out but I would do one of two things A) tell him the truth and be quite rightly tearful, tell him you can't cope, that this is a very private time in you & your partners lives, that you are feeling quite hormonal and actually need to spend some quality quiet time with your partner preparing for your PFB - doing yoga and birthing Pilates in your underwear, having DP give you candlelit back rubs etc etc ... Or ...
B) Get your husband to put it as only men can that 'sorry mate but we need our flat back, no hard feelings cheers'

Do it tonight lovey, and get on with enjoying this special magical time xxxx sending you much support & courage!!! BiscuitBrew

Jackie0 · 07/10/2014 16:36

Just think how great you will feel once you've got shot of them, be brave !

SpaceStation · 07/10/2014 16:36

OMG!!! I got to the bit where you said you are standing up to eat because of this entitled twunt and I heard that "needle bing ripped off the record" sound in my head. WHAT???! How dare he sit down while his pregnant friend and host stands up? He does not give two shits about you and his appalling behaviour - not sticking to the arrangement, complaining about what you've provided, not treating your home or you with respect - means you have every right to ask him to leave right now.

He is not a friend and if this was my "friend" I'd be very happy to damage the friendship thanks very much. I'd never want to see him again.

You're pregnant, this has to stop. Get DH on side, tell them you can't accommodate them any more as you are exhausted and need your space. Non-negotiable. They are to leave and go to a travelodge tonight. Change the locks. If this doesn't work, put their stuff outside and change the locks when they are out. Or if they refuse to leave you can call the police.

QueenBean · 07/10/2014 16:38

OP where are you? Another offer here of sending around reinforcements to help shift this bugger out.

You sound lovely, he sounds a total arse.

AMumInScotland · 07/10/2014 16:42

Throw them out. Now. This is way beyond any kind of 'mixed messages', 'misunderstandings', or 'unequal expectations'. They have taken the piss from first to last, and they know it.

Nobody does this without knowing that they are being an utterly cheeky freeloading bastard.

there is no sweet and reasonable way to put an end to this. There is only a clear and unequivocal "Out of my house this minute".

Could DH come home immediately? Or another adult? Or several MNers if you want to say where you are?

dinkystinky · 07/10/2014 16:46

They clearly aren't friends - they are treating you, your family and your home with disrespect and they are making you miserable. Time for them to leave. Now.

Get DH home, speak to them saying they need to go stay with family or in a B&B - they are NOT staying any longer in the house with you guys, especially after leaving the front door wide open with keys thrown on the street, and you do not want to hear from them again. Then when they have gone, change the locks and relax.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 07/10/2014 16:46

Shocking behaviour!

The reason it's so difficult to chuck people out is because the people being imposed upon are decent, kind and good. They wouldn't behave in that way, so find it hard to challenge others when they do it.

The contact to say they were arriving in two day's time was the moment to tell them that it wouldn't be possible. Hindsight is always 20/20

I've got pals who are being put upon in a very similar way. Four adults, two dogs and a cat in a one bedroomed flat. And the visiting couple are being truly bloody obnoxious. Not considerate or grateful in any way, just blatantly taking advantage. They've been told to sling their hooks this weekend, regardless of the fact that they've given up their flat and aren't supposed to be leaving the country for a month.

waithorse · 07/10/2014 16:50

Tell them to go, now. Brew Thanks

Cinnamoncookie · 07/10/2014 16:56

They are vile people, and if you are willing to say where you are (or even an approximate location, and people who might be near can PM you), a horde of angry MNers will come round and throw them out ! And make you lots of Brew and Cake

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 07/10/2014 16:58

Yes, at times like this the nest of viper could be handy! Tell us where you are and let the snakes scare them off.

notagainffffffffs · 07/10/2014 17:04

They need to get the fuck out. Tell dh to do it if you dont feel brave enough at the moment xx

MindReader · 07/10/2014 17:06

They need OUT pronto.

So, you are standing up to eat (when at risk of a placental abruption!!!!)

and they are 'getting keys cut' and behaving like it's their house?

NO NO NO! I am a right doormat myself but this is too much.

You and your H tell them, tonight, gone by 24 hours (and LEAVE the keys please) or you will involve lawyers/police.

You CANNOT risk your and your baby's health with stress re this.
Not an excuse.
The reality.

Bakeoffcakes · 07/10/2014 17:10

Print off a list of cheap hostels/hotels along way from you and give it to them. They can phone them all tonight and then leave.

Penfold007 · 07/10/2014 17:11

Bet his DD and other family refused to have him stay with them. Good luck x

FunkyBoldRibena · 07/10/2014 17:12

Wow. Last straw that, the door being open.

Right, they need to move out tonight, and go stay at a travellodge or something. It really isn't your problem. Get a new barrel for the lock tonight [wickes stay open til 8], and get them out this evening.

Selinemaratima · 07/10/2014 17:15

How's it going OP? Is DH home yet? Do it before DS goes to sleep - you can also then say you don't want a scene/voices in front of your son, make sure DH is with you tho xxx

Nancy66 · 07/10/2014 17:15

I think I might set myself up in business as a Professional Unwanted Guest Remover.

For a fee I will come to your home and tell your piss-taking friends and relatives to pack their bags and fuck off.

If MN is anything to go by, I think I'll make a fortune.

Selinemaratima · 07/10/2014 17:16

Ps I'd have completely lost the plot over the keys on the path! You're a marvel xx

OneSkinnyChip · 07/10/2014 17:19

Why, oh why, did you ever agree to this?

Too late for that I guess. Get DH to tell him it isn't working, it's putting you under stress and that they need to find somewhere tomorrow, even if it's B&B and you store a bit of their stuff for a few days. Set an absolute deadline on this (e.g. 'By Sat you need to have your belongings in a storage unit or we will be having them removed').

And never, NEVER get steamrollered into this situation again.

Shockers · 07/10/2014 17:20

Holiday cottages would be fairly inexpensive at this time of year.

figgieroll · 07/10/2014 17:21

Day something like 'I know we agreed you could stay for a couple of days but I'm happy for you to stay till Sunday being the kind person I am. As you know I've got a high risk pregnancy so need to avoid stress. There's also tons if things i need to sort out. Which relatives were you planning to go to next? I assume you are spreading yourself a bit'

steppemum · 07/10/2014 17:23

Tonight speak to them

say
It isn't working, you are ill, and need to rest and need the house to yourself.
Please leave by Friday/tomorrow/whatever.
Please remove all your stuff when you go.

They will try and turn all those round (we will be quiet so you can rest etc)

Polite answer = broken record = I'm sorry it isn't working for me. I need you to leave by Friday. repeat as necessary.