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unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
chipshop · 07/10/2014 16:06

They are totally disrespecting you, it is disgraceful behaviour by someone supposed to be a friend. You should have no guilt about kicking them out immediately. If you can't face it get your DH to do it. Or do it together. But please, just do it.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 16:07

They are rude and selfish, I would have no problems with telling them to go by tomorrow, I would nit care about the friendship. He has totally disregarded your and dh feelings and your house. What's all this key cutting! I would change the locks now and leave their stuff on the driveway.

HazleNutt · 07/10/2014 16:07

this person is not a friend of yours. He's a rude, selfish, ungrateful user.

Strokethefurrywall · 07/10/2014 16:08

I don't know how you haven't screamed at them to get the fuck out of your house and turfed all their stuff outside.

Do it now, for your own sanity. Let the pregnancy hormones take over, for once they might be really handy.

TheRealMaryMillington · 07/10/2014 16:12

they have got keys cut

Whatever gives them the right to think they can literally treat the place like their own?

Give them till Friday. Their stuff will be on the road if its not gone.

And basically, what Laurie said

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 16:14

Raaahhhh!

DS just came back from school, and asked why front door wide open with my keys on the path (I always keep locked with keys on the inside). Because I am upstairs staying out of their way, didn't hear the door go, and nobody said anything. FFS, maybe it's one of those see-how-far-you-can-push type dares, and someone thinks this is funny?

Proper got the rage now...

OP posts:
PrettyPictures92 · 07/10/2014 16:14

Flowers for you OP, tell them to get out tonight. I bet they end up booking into a hotel so not your problem at all

mindthegap79 · 07/10/2014 16:15

Bloody hell! You deserve a medal OP. Boot them out. Bloody cheek. Let us know what happens, good luck!

Littleturkish · 07/10/2014 16:15

Where are you? I'll come over and sling them out!

Utterly ridiculous. How long have they been at yours for now?

I would speak AND put it in writing to them, just so they can't wriggle out of anything. Text him and say "we need to speak tonight about you moving out by Xth" and go from there.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 16:15

Well channel that rage towards them and tell them to get out. No good keeping it in, it's doing you no good!

mindthegap79 · 07/10/2014 16:16

What the hell?! Have they gone?

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 16:17

bobtail have the original messages, was going to make a plan with dh once he's home, and try to sort out later.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 16:18

Stop being nice with them, tell them to get out!

KnackeredMuchly · 07/10/2014 16:18

Kick them out. DO NOT GIVE THEM AN INCH - they have proven they will piss all over you.

If you give them 2 weeks, they'll take 4. They'll leave their stuff in your garage for 6 months.

You must use the "shock and awe" tactic - they have until the weekend, Sunday 5pm. House and Garage empty. Use the pregnancy reasoning. Stand Firm. DO NOT WAVEE. The urgency will give them fear and they will actually bother their arses to find an alternative.

The more reasonable and fair you try and be the more they will take advantage.

Anotherchapter · 07/10/2014 16:19

Wow ! WTF??!!

Why have you let them treat you like this? Why has your dh??! Shouting at you in your own fucking home !

Tell him to get out tonight. He is not your friend. Dh needs to man up and sort this out!

LeftRightCentre · 07/10/2014 16:21

Christ on a bike! It never ceases to amaze me how many complete doormats there are in the world. What is to discuss with your husband? This man is a pisstaking, bullying twunt. He needs gone.

No 48 hours, no weeks from now, he is squatting in your house and being an arsehole.

One of you steps up and says, 'You need to get out of here now. Hand over your keys right now, pack your shit and go.' And stand there whilst they do it.

If you can't do that, you send them out on an errand, sling their shit out, put you key in the lock and when they come back, you tell them to fuck off.

Jill2015 · 07/10/2014 16:22

Out, out, out. Thai is all. He is not a friend. You owe him nothing. Get rid.

Greenrug85 · 07/10/2014 16:23

Why are there so many people on mumsnet reporting that they are putting up with house guests they don't want?

Why do people feel they can't say no?

For gods sake speak up and say it isn't convenient, they cannot stay for any further length of time, no explanations or apologies, goodbye.

What is so bloody difficult? It's your home!

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 16:24

Exactly left, so many doormats on here. This should never have happened in the first place!

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 16:26

They are treating you like shit in your home and you are allowing it! No discussing, nada, out now you are raking the piss. We are not a hotel!

Andrewofgg · 07/10/2014 16:28

Give them till Friday and MEAN IT. In the meantime tell them that the television has to be at a level you can accept.

And he is not a friend. He is a user.

LeftRightCentre · 07/10/2014 16:28

I threw someone out on the spot for smoking in my home after I'd said no smoking indoors.

Don't want someone staying, you say, 'No, that doesn't work for us. You need to make other arrangements.'

katrina81 · 07/10/2014 16:30

Crikey you poor thing, I would not stand for that at all. You sound a lovely person OP, but kick them out they are so cheeky.

LeftRightCentre · 07/10/2014 16:31

Why give them shit? They have done nothing but rip the piss. Shouting at you? He'd have been out then and there. If I found out someone did that to my spouse, I'd kick their arse out then and there.

Fuck him.

One of you needs to grow a spine.

Hexu2 · 07/10/2014 16:32

You were very nice to offer to let them stay in the first place - and they have massively taken the piss.

Get them and their stuff out of the house as soon as possible and change the locks.

It's not your issue if they have no where else - IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM - tell them that.

These are not your friends - friends do not treat friends like this. Get whoever you can to move their stuff out the house - if you feel safer waiting for your DH to be round to confront them then wait - but get them out as soon as possible.

Your pg - you do not need this.