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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a mother to the head

197 replies

squidge08 · 07/10/2014 10:30

bit of a rant here but AIBU to have reported a mother who shouted at my child to the head. I was absolutely livid! She even had the audacity to shout at me!

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 07/10/2014 11:32

Sorry X post. So you didn't even check her child was okay. YABU with that. She shouldn't have shouted but you were a bit rude.

Kewcumber · 07/10/2014 11:32

There's no need to behave like a bit of an arse when your child hurts another child rather show some concern. But apparently some people do... people don't always react in the way they should...

Kewcumber · 07/10/2014 11:34

I'd let it go tbh. - too late. Head has been informed already.

Igotafreegoattoo · 07/10/2014 11:35

Maybe this wasn't the first time your DS had bumped her kid? It may be the 5th time this week but only the first time you've heard of it?

There's a child with ADHDand autism in DDs class. He is repeatedly banging/bumping/knocking other kids over. It gets a bit wearing for other parents too.

Branleuse · 07/10/2014 11:36

i think you were unreasonable to focus on the fact she shouted, when your child had hurt hers and not apologised. The proper way to react when she got cross with your child, would be to ask what happened, and then when you find out your child hurt another child, you then apologise for him, if he wont do it himself

firesidechat · 07/10/2014 11:36

Some people are more shouty than others. You are not a shouter, she is (perhaps justifiably).

If she wasn't swearing or being abusive, then I would leave it. I can't actually think of any circumstances where reporting a parent to the head is justified. As someone else has already said, what is he to do, set lines or detention.

If it was reportable abuse then the police may be more appropriate, but it have to be either physical abuse or racial in nature. This sounds like the usual argy bargy of school life. Not that I've ever got involved in this sort of thing.

OraProNobis · 07/10/2014 11:36

I'm afraid you sound frightfully uppity OP. I hate shouting at people but I'd probably have made an exception for you. If you know - and obviously you do - that your child is unaware of certain social norms then you should be beside him at all times to defuse potential situations. You weren't. She shouted. I would have too.

passmethewineplease · 07/10/2014 11:37

Kew Oh didn't read the post properly. Blush

In that case OP I think YAB a bit U.

Branleuse · 07/10/2014 11:37

youve reported it to the head???

Way to make yourself look like a dick

MiddletonPink · 07/10/2014 11:38

Explain to her about your sons autism. Why he might not have been aware of her.

Be calm. Don't shout. Explain yourself.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2014 11:38

Totally agree with Kewcumber here.

The OP seems to have not cut this Mother a single ounce of slack, considering her child got hurt and she over reacted.

I'm quite sure an apology would have calmed her down, but you seem more interested in the fact she raised her voice to your child.

Have you never over reacted when your child has been hurt OP?

If you haven't, I find it hard to believe, given your over reaction in running to the head.

Heels99 · 07/10/2014 11:38

Heads deal with children behavior not parents unless social services issue etc.

The head has no authority over any parent go these matterq. Calm down

bialystockandbloom · 07/10/2014 11:40

How hurt was her child? If it was a minor bump, it sounds like she overreacted, and was way OTT. I wouldn't shout at another child unless they were deliberately hurting one of mine.

She might also have been wound up if she thought that you weren't doing anything to make your ds apologise - and she may have had no way of knowing about his autism & ADHD. No excuse for what sounds like aggressive behaviour on her part actually, but it might be the reason why she overreacted if she thought you weren't doing anything about it.

My ds also has autism, and would never hurt somebody deliberately. If he knocked into someone I also wouldn't shout at him, though I would try and talk to him about saying sorry - but in situations like this there isn't always the time right then and there. It doesn't occur to most people at all that sometimes there might be other things going on.

But I think it can make us as parents a bit over-sensitive though sometimes. Sadly we often have to suck it up that other parents think our children are rude/naughty etc - if others are reasonable there's sometimes an opportunity to explain it, but it sounds like this woman wouldn't have been approachable to do that.

I had a woman shout at me in a supermarket once that I was "blocking her way arguing with my son" when I was trying to calm him down about choosing a sandwich. If she had been calmer I would've explained to her about his autism, but she was so bloody rude it got my back up instantly too.

Sorry, but I do think you were BU to report to the Head though.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 07/10/2014 11:41

Morning, school, everyone has school mornings when they feel like shouting at people.

Supervise your child, then he won't get shouted at.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 07/10/2014 11:43

What did the HT say about it OP?

bialystockandbloom · 07/10/2014 11:45

There's a child with ADHDand autism in DDs class. He is repeatedly banging/bumping/knocking other kids over. It gets a bit wearing for other parents too.

igot that sounds like the boy is not getting enough support, and there is not enough supervision in the playground. School failing in its duty.

LadyLuck10 · 07/10/2014 11:50

Maybe you should have tried apologizing then at the same time your son would have learnt something. You're using his condition to make excuses. If a child hurts another child you apologize first and then take it from there. No wonder she walked away given your attitude.

Original poster
squidge08 · 07/10/2014 11:50

from what my friend told me he just bumped into her in the way you would if you had accidently walked into someone. the she aggressively shouted at him which made him burst into tears to which she kept shouting and then he ran to find me. she then came out of the classroom shouting that yes she was the one shouting at my child and looking darn smug about the fact he was in tears. so by this point no i didnt give two hoots about her child i was majorly pissed off. so i said you dont shout at other peoples children. and at one point yes his asd was mentioned to which she had walked some distance away and stated she didnt care. the head then called me into her office and said she was appaled by the womans behaviour and would talk to her.

OP posts:
Taz1212 · 07/10/2014 11:51

I'm not quite sure if YABU or not, but last week I watched a mother shout at a child in DD's class on the way home from school and I thought she was way out of line. We were walking home behind a group of boys when the mum ran up shouting after one boy. When she got to the group she started screaming at this child about his pulling her daughter's hair at school and she didn't care if her daughter was hitting him first, no child was going to pull her daughter's hair and if she heard that he had touched her again she'd give him something to be scared about.

I stopped walking to make sure she didn't lay a finger on the boy and after she left him in tears I went up to him and told him to tell his mum because IMO, if she had a problem with something that happened at school, she should be bringing it up at school, not shouting at a child.

If it had been something similar to that situation I would say YANBU, but given what you've said, I'm not sure terribly unhelpful...

SixImpossible · 07/10/2014 11:52

when i saw the mum i clamly said please dont shout at my child and she kicked off and shout "WELL HE HURT MY CHILD" to which i replied; there is no need to shout at him. accidents happen.

Are you for real? Can you honestly not see where you we nt wrong?

"Accidents happen"? FFS!

How would you feel if your child was the one hurt accidentally, and the other mother just brushed it off like that?

You owe her an apology.

Original poster
squidge08 · 07/10/2014 11:52

i never use his condition as an excuse so that is where you are sorely mistaken. i am just pointing out he doesnt get he has to apologise. if the mother had calmly approached me i would of made him apologise as this is what i normally make him do.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/10/2014 11:55

WTAF?

Your story has changed massively...

SixImpossible · 07/10/2014 11:56

So you apologise for him.

Kewcumber · 07/10/2014 11:57

That's an interesting and different spin on what you originally drip fed, which was "yes my child hurt hers but she shouted so I didn't apologise but told her not to shout instead".

Oh well...

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2014 11:59

the head then called me into her office and said she was appaled by the womans behaviour and would talk to her.

So you didn't actually report her to the head at all, if the head called you in?!

What a waste of time