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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a mother to the head

197 replies

squidge08 · 07/10/2014 10:30

bit of a rant here but AIBU to have reported a mother who shouted at my child to the head. I was absolutely livid! She even had the audacity to shout at me!

OP posts:
grocklebox · 07/10/2014 11:08

Not sure what you think the head is going to do about it, or what effect "reporting" her is supposed to have?

sunbathe · 07/10/2014 11:10

So you didn't actually hear what she said to your child?

Original poster
squidge08 · 07/10/2014 11:13

an apology is what i want my child was in tears because some stranger shouted at him. yeah my child hurt hers and if she would of approached it more calmly we could of resolved it and i would of made him apologise.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 07/10/2014 11:15

What did she shout?

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2014 11:15

This thread is like pulling teeth.

I have no idea whether YWBU or not, in the absence of so much information.

TheWitTank · 07/10/2014 11:16

Do you know if the other child was hurt? Did your son apologise?
I have shouted at somebody's son at school before. He is in my son's class (6 years old at the time) and we were waiting for DD to come out of her after school class. DS was waiting quietly with me. The boy came over with a filthy wet tennis ball and threw it at my son. I told him not to please as it wasn't nice. So he did it again laughing. I did my cross face and repeated what I said. His mother was standing nearby watching. He then threw the tennis ball hard at me leaving a big muddy mark on my coat. So I shouted that he was naughty and to go away please and threw the tennis ball over the fence into the school yard (ball was school property anyway). The mum wouldn't handle the behaviour so I did.

grocklebox · 07/10/2014 11:16

But what do you think the headteacher has got to do with it? They have authority over the children not the parents

KERALA1 · 07/10/2014 11:17

So you are intending to report the behaviour of one adult to another adult? What is the head supposed to do about it? He doesn't have control over the other mother, she is not a child at school. Is he supposed to tell her off as if she is a pupil?!

Also you are on shaky ground because as you admit your child hurt hers, whatever the reasons for this.

TheWitTank · 07/10/2014 11:17

So he didn't apologise? And he hurt the child? That's rude IMHO and I would be cross. I wouldn't mind the accident but the attitude afterwards would bug me. Maybe she is waiting for an apology too?

LuisSuarezTeeth · 07/10/2014 11:19

You sound very wound up OP.

What exactly was said, by whom and how?

PrettyPictures92 · 07/10/2014 11:19

It depends, you've said your son hurt hers. Did he deliberately push him over? Or deliberately hurt him? Tbh I raised my voice to another child who was grabbing my ds (3yo) by the throat and trying to push him off the climbing frame/slide thing. His mother was just sitting staring at her phone texting away and ignoring the fact that her son was being a nasty little so and so. I went up and went "hey, don't you dare! Let go of him right now!" And got a rather nasty look off the mother. If she'd bothered to mention anything to me I would have told her off too, she knows her son has form for being violent to the other children so she should supervise him rather than staring at her phone and letting him run riot.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 07/10/2014 11:20

Wit OP's son is Autistic.

Original poster
squidge08 · 07/10/2014 11:21

he has autism he doesnt always understand the social implication of alpologising no matter how many times i try to get him to understand.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 07/10/2014 11:21

YABU to take it to the head. You two are adults and should be able to resolve problems by yourself. The HT likely has more than enough to deal with re kids!

Re the shouting, hard to tell who was BU. If another dc bumped into mine, I might have a word with them, depending on circumstances. Maybe it wasn't obvious he was with you if you were locking his scooter up? And YABU to assume that people will know about your dc's autism. Maybe the other woman just saw what she thought was a badly behaved boy.

HighwayDragon · 07/10/2014 11:24

What was said? in what tone?

Original poster
squidge08 · 07/10/2014 11:25

i am wound up when i saw the mum i clamly said please dont shout at my child and she kicked off and shout "WELL HE HURT MY CHILD" to which i replied; there is no need to shout at him. accidents happen.
to this she just shouted as she was walking away from me so i couldnt understand what was being said to me so i just went to the head yeah it probably doesnt achieve much but the head is an authority figure.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 07/10/2014 11:25

Her child was hurt so she (perhaps) over-reacted and shouted at your child and your first thought was that her shouting was unreasonable rather than immediately apologising and asking if her child was OK?

I don't shout at children either (except when I think they can't hear me), but I think your indignation at the shouting may have been misplaced given your child hurt hers.

The fact that your child didn't intend to hurt hers doesn't make it hurt any less.

Original poster
squidge08 · 07/10/2014 11:26

still no need to shout at another persons child regardless of condition.

OP posts:
PrettyPictures92 · 07/10/2014 11:28

Squidge perhaps she doesn't take kindly to another child hurting hers without even an apology offered. Yes he may have problems but so far as she could see, your son hurt hers, didn't apologise and you let him get away with it.

Yes there are other ways to deal with it without shouting but some parents really do need to be shouted at for the point to get across (not saying you're one of them. Meaning the type of parents who go "oh my dc could never hurt anyone, you must be making it up")

Only1scoop · 07/10/2014 11:28

It sounds like your dc may have not just 'bumped into him' but you don't know as you weren't there.

Kewcumber · 07/10/2014 11:30

That's a very casual attitude to someone child getting hurt! Basically you were saying to her "I don;t care if your child is hurt or even how hurt she/he is, I only care that you shouted at my child"

I would find that very frustrating and if I weren't the controlled type would indeed shout at you for that alone...

Did the Head have a bemused look on their face when you reported this to them... or a slightly benign "there, there" look as they wondered what on earth was going on?

TheWitTank · 07/10/2014 11:30

My son has asd so I'm fully aware of social awkwardness, but I would still be ticked off if the mother of the child hadn't come over to apologise and check if everything was okay. I wouldn't have shouted though. I do insist my children apologise for accidents/incidents. I'm still struggling a bit to get my head around what went on. So you didn't witness the accident just the aftermath? Maybe the mum was annoyed nobody was supervising your son (I know you said a friend was but she might not have known that). What did she shout? Was it worried shouting or a bit miffed or aggressive and threatening?

Hope both children are okay now.

SoonToBeSix · 07/10/2014 11:30

Yabu, my dd has asd if she hurt another child I would be the one apologising.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/10/2014 11:31

WHAT DID SHE ACTUALLY SAY?

She may have had a crappy morning and that was the icing on the cake. Doesn't mean it was right, but doesn't mean it needs reporting.

passmethewineplease · 07/10/2014 11:31

I think without you actually being there you shouldn't really report her to the head. Not sure what you'd want the head to do anyway, they are there to run a school not to sort out squabbles between adult parents.

I'd let it go tbh.

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