hi Anniedelores
couple of things:
If you DH was not going to be commuting away, how would you feel then? Is there any other way to rearrange this so he can contribute more - it should affect both of you equally, ideally....
I know however this is seldom the reality/possible in practice - from experience!
. My kids are similar age gap, then girl, had them at 40 & 42. DH a bit younger than me so I said to myself when we started "well I've had my career" - and tho I have gone on working, mostly has been less hours less status less pay than DH. Which I do now rather regret as I get envious/resentful at times, and dislike feeling finacially dependent plus the 'what on earth would I do if we lost his support' feeling. This is even tho I also appreciate he works v hard, and does lots at home too...and I suppose if i'm honest part of me likes to be semi sahm, and then of course there is the issue of liking to be 'in charge' at home too....whole other thread I know!
Why am I telling you this? I suppose because there is a possiblity that you would like to be in the position where you could have the baby without having to give up so much - then you might welcome the preganancy, so wondering if you can negotiate the situation (rather than the pregnancy if that doesn't sound too flip). Can he give up something so you won't lose so much ground in your own business?
FWIW re sibs my two kids are very different, tecchie boy and girly girl, but they get on REALLY well. DS older, but little sister taught him so much about imaginative play, and really, just playing together etc- (he was always a bit of a 'little professor'). This came as a surprise to me - that a younger sib could teach stuff to an older one. (She was the harder of the two babies though - DH says maybe if she'd been 1st we wouldn't have done it again!)
Sometimes I am sure having two has been easier than one (after the baby stage) as they entertain each other but of course this cannot be guaranteed.
And of course its expensive; we can afford it but other things eg fixing stuff round the house have been left undone.
Not wanting DS to be only child with ancient parents was a factor for me, I am v lucky in my own sister (we often disagree and sometimes fight but no way would I want to be without her!)
So I suppose what I'm saying is: I wish I'd been firmer (with myself, as much as anything) about my own work future at the time we planned DC2, and that I'd been more committed to keeping up my career.
I think the time I felt broodiest was after we had both, started to want a third but we agreed that I was nearing 45, body had taken a bit of a beating with previous two, plus numerous other reasons. Part of me secretly wishes I had fallen pregnant again a thrid time by accident, part of me knows its a good thing I didn't, part of me thinks it might have been great to stop at one - I think all parts of me are right! I think for most of us there isn't a right answer or if tehre is we can't know it at the time which comes to the same, we probably all regret some of our decisions some of the time while being very glad we did what we did at other times.
Sorry, that was awfully long - it got me thinking! Be kind to yourself. My view is that either way won't be "wrong" - if it was, you'd probably already know?
