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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in not telling my mother I spent the 8k she gave me....

241 replies

Username12345 · 04/10/2014 17:11

....on crap.

She told me it was for me. But after I spent it she told me it was to put towards important things like a car or wedding.

Oops.

OP posts:

sanfairyanne · 06/10/2014 19:06

ooops

no more money on its way to you op

short term thinking there

mummymeister · 06/10/2014 19:12

Username12345.

"...Are you content with how you spent it?

I wish I hadn't but I'm not going to cry over it. It's done...."

No it isn't done you said back a post that your mum was still giving you money. is she still giving you money and if so how much weekly/monthly/as and when

"....What was the purpose of this thread other than to snigger at your mothers generosity?

To get an opinion if I should come clean or not...."

Let me save you the trouble OP of reviewing this thread and re- reading it. The overwhelming opinion is that you should stop taking any more money from your mum and you should take an adult decision about whether you save damn hard to make it up so she never needs to know or you just tell her that you cant be trusted with money and she should stop doling it out to you. Oops - Ive just given you the answer you don't want to hear. still if you really scrutinise the thread you might find one post out of 7 pages that agrees that you should carry on milking it and then you can go with that cant you.

Original poster

Username12345 · 06/10/2014 19:15

What's with the hostility?
You clearly have issues with this subject, mummymeister.

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 06/10/2014 19:33

You clearly have issues with this subject, mummymeister.

You clearly only posted this to provoke a reaction OP- try growing up and not relying on hand outs from mummy for a while instead of being goady on Internet forums.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 06/10/2014 19:37

8k in 17 months = Overspend of £100 a week-ish? I could manage that no problem. It would probably be on weird shit on ebay though. And books. Loads of books.

The time to specify what you ought to spend it on was when she handed over the cheque, not after the horse had bolted.

Don't tell her, though!

bakingtins · 06/10/2014 19:39

How many months did your mum have to work to earn 8k? It seems so disrespectful to fritter it away in a way she obviously wouldn't approve of.
My parents are well off and have in the past given us significant sums of money to help with wedding costs and our first house deposit. If they gave me a hundred pounds without strings I'd be fine about buying a new dress with it, because I know that's not a massive amount of money to them and they'd be happy it was used to treat myself. If it was thousands of pounds of their savings I would want to spend it in a way they'd approve of.
In fact, if someone gives me or the DC money as a gift we always write back to thank them and tell them how the money was spent, and I'm talking about a tenner in a birthday card. Isn't that the done thing?

BastardGoDarkly · 06/10/2014 19:39

Straight up username if you're not in financial difficulty (working?) And you've just blown 8k, do you not feel guilty accepting constant hand outs from your mum?

It doesn't actually matter how rich she is, it's taking the piss a bit isn't it?

I couldn't do it, I'd have to say, mum thank you for the thought, but I really don't need you putting money in my account anymore, spend it, or save it, but I don't want it.

It's the right thing to do.

PacificDogwood · 06/10/2014 19:42

My impression is that this is less of a financial issue, and more of a moral/ethical one.

But I'm bored of it now - you live your life as you see fit.

Original poster

Username12345 · 06/10/2014 19:49

try growing up and not relying on hand outs from mummy for a while

instead of being goady on Internet forums.

Hi pot, meet kettle.

I think I've been quite restrained considering what people have posted.

I don't want to go into detail, it's a complicated situation and my mothers life so not my place to divulge so I'll keep it vague..

How many months did your mum have to work to earn 8k?

I couldn't do it, I'd have to say, mum thank you for the thought, but I really don't need you putting money in my account anymore, spend it, or save it, but I don't want it.

She can't spend or save it. She needs to get rid of it and giving it to her kids is the best way.

I know how it sounds but it's not illegal reasons.

OP posts:

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/10/2014 20:04

Ok - firstly have you set up a direct debit so that all the money you get now from her goes straight into a savings account? If not - do so.

Re: the spent money - the adult thing is not to come clean IMO - that's too "oopsie - sowwy mummy" - in the hope that mummy will put it right. You are an adult so you need to put it right.

You spent £2k on sensible things so that's ok. I think it's reasonable wi an £8k gift to spend £1k on frivolous things. So you need to save like hell to get the other £5k back. How much surplus is there in your budget? You need to select an amount to save each month that is doable (ie you shouldn't be choosing between eating and heating) but it should hurt a little. You need to feel every penny of the silly gaming things in order to stop being tempted in the future.

ghostisonthecanvas · 06/10/2014 20:08

How do you feel about spending all that money on gaming? Is there something more constructive you wish you'd done with it?

BastardGoDarkly · 06/10/2014 20:11

Ok, I'm sure the reasons she 'has to get rid of it' must be good ones, I'm a financial imbecile do can't think what they are, but anyway.

It's done now, and I wouldn't tell her, just try and save like pps have suggested.

What are you going to do about your gaming habit though? That would worry me.

BastardGoDarkly · 06/10/2014 20:13

If it's a legal thing to get around tax or something, can she not give it to you to put in an account for her? Or buy a property abroad or something? Just wasting money seems like...Well,a waste!

Bearbehind · 06/10/2014 20:14

OP, you've clearly got issues. I'm not being goady- I'm pointing out that you are being totally unreasonable in this situation.

You're an adult- you should be able to fend for yourself.

It seems you think your mother thinks money is a substitute for affection.

Goading people on here isn't going to change that.

If you want to escape it then stand on your on 2 feet.

Pissing £8k up the wall on games is just pointless.

Original poster

Username12345 · 06/10/2014 20:18

How do you feel about spending all that money on gaming? Is there something more constructive you wish you'd done with it?

Disappointed in myself. Got carried away and didn't pay attention to my spending. But I'll save it back since it was for me anyway I'm not too annoyed. And I would have spent it anyway just on a nicer car.

OP posts:

ssd · 06/10/2014 20:18

you sound like your mothers daughter alright

spanky2 · 06/10/2014 20:22

I am not sure what the point of this is?

ghostisonthecanvas · 06/10/2014 20:27

Well it sounds like lesson learned. You will probably be more aware of your spending and good luck saving. If you are going to save it back, don't tell your mum what you spent it on. She may worry you have an addiction? Even if you are sure you don't, your mum is going to find it difficult to understand spending money on, well, nothing.

Noctambulist · 06/10/2014 20:30

Good for you OP. I went to a wedding in the summer that must have cost three times that, and it was SHIT.

I think this thread nicely illustrates the type of response you're likely to get off your mum though, so I'd keep schtum if I were you.

Tallypet · 06/10/2014 20:30

You sound like a child. No one spends a portion of £8k on gaming stuff can qualify as a responsible adult.

One day, you'll grow up and realise that you wasted a fantastic opportunity.
Only upside is hopefully you learn a lesson in money management. Though I doubt it - you sound very immature. This is something I'd expect from a teen.

If I were your mum and I'd found out that you'd wasted money on gaming I'd stop putting any more money aside for you until you had grown up.

Do you have a job? Your own place?

Tallypet · 06/10/2014 20:37

How old are you?!
You've spent a (large) portion of £8k on gaming
Do you have a job? A place of your own?

I would hope a stupid decision like this would teach you a lesson about financial responsibility but I doubt it would since your mother is unaware her child is so irresponsible that she's still putting money aside for you and you say you don't ask for it she just does it.

You don't even seem embarrassed about frittering away such a lovely gift your mother gave you.

You need to grow up.

skylark2 · 06/10/2014 20:40

"Is it only on MN that grown adults get given money by their parents"

I get given money by my parents every so often, normally when long term savings mature. They're doing gentle pre-planning and avoidance of death duties.

I always tell them we don't need it, but it would be daft to refuse it. Horrible to think and I hope it's multiple decades rather than years in the future, but it's coming to me anyway so why give the taxman an extra chunk?

I would be beyond embarrassed to fritter it away on games. It's the sort of thing you'd expect of a ten year old.

Bearbehind · 06/10/2014 20:42

I think it's pretty clear the reaction the OP really wants is her mother's.

I'm guessing the mother is loaded but doesn't show any other affection so the OP thinks that spending so much money on something as ridiculous as in game purchases will at least provoke a reaction.

It's unhealthy OP.

You need to break this cycle and if that means cutting off the handouts and taking financial control of your own life then do it.

MaryWestmacott · 06/10/2014 20:49

OP - read Mumoftwoyoungkids comment at 20:04. The money is spent. It's down to you to decide how 'adult' you want to be in fixing this. Just pissing off your mum for a reaction would be teenager behaviour. (like spending the money on crap in the first place really).

You did this, now own it and work out how to 'fix' this as much as possible.

Big girl pants time.

Original poster

Username12345 · 06/10/2014 20:49

I'm guessing the mother is loaded but doesn't show any other affection so the OP thinks that spending so much money on something as ridiculous as in game purchases will at least provoke a reaction.

That's if I tell her. Which was the question of the thread. Your armchair psychology needs some work.

OP posts:

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