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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I have some dirt on someone that used to bully me ... WWYD? (long)

184 replies

Shinysideup675 · 29/09/2014 19:12

When I was growing up, I was friendly with two sisters that used to live next door. They went to a different school, so we used to hang out in the evenings after school. During the last couple of years/6th form, one of their school friends moved to a house around the corner with her family. This friend, for some reason, took an instant dislike to me, I think because she was jealous of my friendship with the sisters, and started bullying me- shouting abuse into the street if I passed her house or the shop where she had a Saturday job - mainly about what a slag I was (I wasnt, hadnt ever actually DTD with anyone at this age) phoning the house, threats of violence that were never actually carried out. The galling thing was, she was a proper slapper herself her nickname, given by the local lads, was Spunkthirsty cos it rhymed with her actual name. I know I wasnt the only one she used to do this to. When she was about 18 she went totally off the rails, got in with local drug dealers and did a runner with their money (this is about 25 years ago). Im still in touch with the sisters (as is she) so I hear the odd snippet of gossip about what shes doing.

Shes back living in the old home town, and apparently, is a gobby bint that makes her neighbours lives a misery noise all hours of the day and night, staffy/PB type dogs roaming about and terroring the neighbours, etc. etc. One of the neighbours has reported her and the dogs have been taken off her, theres some sort of court hearing coming up about her getting them back but I dont know all the details. Shes moaning about her bad behaviour 20 odd years ago being held against her now (well, love, you made your bed ...) and telling everyone that shes really enjoying a new job as a carer. Turns out shes not elaboratd exactly what type of carer ...

I have a friend (also from our home town) that works for a company that manages apartments in a city centre about 10 miles away. They tell me that she is renting one of them. Shes not living there or subletting, but is basically using it as a base to operate as a prostitute. We did a bit of fishing and found her profile on AW which has clear face pics and pics of distinctive tattoos (and other body parts and, er, action shots that I cant unsee ). The profile also states that shes 35. Shes actually 42 (and a grandma). Quite tidy for her age, though, it has to be said. Her feedback is very positive, too. Seems shes very enthusiastic...

WWYD? Would you spill the beans? I havent ... although a small bad part of me would like some payback for her giving me hell all those years ago. I think all I would do is sign up to FB using her work name and a pic and send her a friend request just to freak her out a bit, nothing more than that. But I wont, honest.

OP posts:
ouryve · 30/09/2014 00:52

If it was when you were growing up, keep it all in the past.

Shinysideup675 · 30/09/2014 01:03

Jeez, I'm Not "continuing to obsess" over anything. Someone mentioned she was renting a flat through them, in a block known locally to be used for such purpose. Which we both thought was a flag, as she's living elsewhere with her family. A quick check on AW confirmed suspicions. I fleetingly thought about what she'd been like in the past, what could happen if word of this got out, or if she knew that someone had found out. This is not going to happen via me. Can I make this any clearer?

OP posts:
musicalendorphins2 · 30/09/2014 01:42

Do whatever you feel is the right thing to do Shinysideup675 .

But keep in mind, if she has images of herself on a site like that, she probably really doesn't care if people know what she does for a living.

Bouttimeforwine · 30/09/2014 09:28

I'd keep it to myself and enjoy a secret snigger whenever I think about it.

Celticlass2 · 30/09/2014 09:28

The language you used to describe this girl in your opening post was pretty disgusting. You lost my sympathy then!

I'm sorry you were bullied. I have never experienced bullying, but I would imagine that kind of thing leaves it mark.

However, this child (and that it what she was) sounds like she was very damaged, and that damage is playing itself out in her life now.
You really do need to move on and get on with your own life.

SmellyMuffin · 30/09/2014 09:42

Why are people making assumptions about the bullies upbringing? How the hell do any of you know that was abused and that's what made her the way she was? Some people are just born arseholes. I don't waste any of my sympathy on bullies because of what they may or may not be going through at home, my sympathy lies with the peoples who's lives they ruined.

What about all the people who had shit childhoods and who don't make other peoples lives hell?

Sometimes you read such sanctimonious bollocks on here.

feathermucker · 30/09/2014 10:03

I was horribly bullied and I would still say to leave well alone!

feathermucker · 30/09/2014 10:12

You sound ridiculous; can you not see that?!

PrivatePike · 30/09/2014 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 30/09/2014 10:42

Smelly agree with you!i feel sorry for the op as nobody seems to feel sorry for what shes gone through!
Everyone is going on about the bully yet nobody seems to care that maybe it's left a mark on the op.
I know that with me i felt worthless and let a lot of people use and abuse me as that's all i could hear!
I also suffer with severe anxiety and was diagnosed with depression at 16. Yes the bully was a child but so was op, it doesn't make it right what she did.
I don't think she should do anything but only for op's sake as she is thr better person. This will only drag things up again.

ArsenicFaceCream · 30/09/2014 10:44

Yes the bully was a child but so was op, it doesn't make it right what she did.

Not a single poster has suggested age 'makes it right'.

Don't be disingenuous.

CrispyFern · 30/09/2014 10:57

I wonder if she wasn't very nice to you when you were at school because in her mind, for some random reason, you've always been kind of a nasty person?
I don't know, maybe she misconstrued some activity one time, where you may have come across as a bitter, malicious, horrid sort of individual, back when you were a teenager, to her?
I'm not sure if I can imagine that, because I have limited information on what sort of person you are myself, but if I try, wait, yes I can imagine that. Yes I can.

ArsenicFaceCream · 30/09/2014 11:04

Crispy Grin

Shinysideup675 · 30/09/2014 11:13

Fertile imagination you have there, crispy.

OP posts:
PrivatePike · 30/09/2014 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmilingHappyBeaver · 30/09/2014 11:22

^^ what Crispy said. Exactly.

NamesNick · 30/09/2014 11:25

horrible thread

for several reasons Shock

kali110 · 30/09/2014 11:57

That is how it is coming across. Several people on here have said that this woman was just a child etc
Think people are forgetting that op is also a victim here!
I may be getting over involved here but after taking my experience in adulthood it is hard not too!

ArsenicFaceCream · 30/09/2014 12:07

I think people are just urging perspective kali.

Nobody is disputing that bullying can be absolutely horrendous, scarring etc.

But given how unerringly vile the OP has been, she has hardly made herself a sympathetic figurehead for victims of bullying.

Don't forget that she has gone a long way towards identifying the woman in question, particularly by repeating the revolting rhyme with which she herself was bulied. And it is fairly clear that the woman in question has been the victim of addiction, exploitation, bullying and quite possibly abuse herself.

ArsenicFaceCream · 30/09/2014 12:08

^bullied

MrsWolowitz · 30/09/2014 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WaroftheRoses · 30/09/2014 12:19

Jury by mumsnet. Shock

You've probably realised by now OP that your thoughts were probably best left in your own mind and not committed to virtual paper! There is such a trend now in this country for villains to be portrayed as victims and victims into villains. I can perfectly understand why you are thinking what you are. Time isn't always a healer and it sounds like this girl was a nasty piece of work from a young age. Just humour that small bad part of yourself with the knowledge that your life has turned out better than hers.

kali110 · 30/09/2014 12:43

I don't think she were vile to be thinking this. (Maybe if she were admitting to doing it)
Haven't we all wanted revenge on someone who has really hurt us?
I could be wrong but maybe it was just a shock to be faced with this bully again and came on here to express herself, perhaps badly!
Isn't that what this site is for? For getting things out that we can't say?
Iv said from start she should not do anything but i'm not going to vilify her!she is a victim too.

DrCarolineTodd · 30/09/2014 14:56

"There appears to be an assumption that her life has been rough. It hasnt. Id say she was doing OK if she can afford to rent an apartment and also her own home."

What a weird rationalisation to make.

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, domestic violence and rape. But hey, I must be fine because I have a nice house.

It wasn't okay that this girl bullied you. It sucks. But there will be a cause, and the mature thing to do is to understand that troubled young people are generally reacting to adverse circumstances.

You need to grow up.

Shinysideup675 · 30/09/2014 16:25

Ive just heard that she and her son were arrested for hospitalising the neighbour who she thinks reported her for mistreating her dogs. He's an 80 yo widower. Pushed him over and he broke his hip. It was in the local paper last week.

OP posts:
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