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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I have some dirt on someone that used to bully me ... WWYD? (long)

184 replies

Shinysideup675 · 29/09/2014 19:12

When I was growing up, I was friendly with two sisters that used to live next door. They went to a different school, so we used to hang out in the evenings after school. During the last couple of years/6th form, one of their school friends moved to a house around the corner with her family. This friend, for some reason, took an instant dislike to me, I think because she was jealous of my friendship with the sisters, and started bullying me- shouting abuse into the street if I passed her house or the shop where she had a Saturday job - mainly about what a slag I was (I wasnt, hadnt ever actually DTD with anyone at this age) phoning the house, threats of violence that were never actually carried out. The galling thing was, she was a proper slapper herself her nickname, given by the local lads, was Spunkthirsty cos it rhymed with her actual name. I know I wasnt the only one she used to do this to. When she was about 18 she went totally off the rails, got in with local drug dealers and did a runner with their money (this is about 25 years ago). Im still in touch with the sisters (as is she) so I hear the odd snippet of gossip about what shes doing.

Shes back living in the old home town, and apparently, is a gobby bint that makes her neighbours lives a misery noise all hours of the day and night, staffy/PB type dogs roaming about and terroring the neighbours, etc. etc. One of the neighbours has reported her and the dogs have been taken off her, theres some sort of court hearing coming up about her getting them back but I dont know all the details. Shes moaning about her bad behaviour 20 odd years ago being held against her now (well, love, you made your bed ...) and telling everyone that shes really enjoying a new job as a carer. Turns out shes not elaboratd exactly what type of carer ...

I have a friend (also from our home town) that works for a company that manages apartments in a city centre about 10 miles away. They tell me that she is renting one of them. Shes not living there or subletting, but is basically using it as a base to operate as a prostitute. We did a bit of fishing and found her profile on AW which has clear face pics and pics of distinctive tattoos (and other body parts and, er, action shots that I cant unsee ). The profile also states that shes 35. Shes actually 42 (and a grandma). Quite tidy for her age, though, it has to be said. Her feedback is very positive, too. Seems shes very enthusiastic...

WWYD? Would you spill the beans? I havent ... although a small bad part of me would like some payback for her giving me hell all those years ago. I think all I would do is sign up to FB using her work name and a pic and send her a friend request just to freak her out a bit, nothing more than that. But I wont, honest.

OP posts:
Bulbasaur · 29/09/2014 19:33

The posters telling the OP to grow up have obviously never been bullied.

Oh what bullshit.

Some people have this thing called "maturity". It's where you let go and move on.

I've been bullied, and I don't allow those assholes to take up any of my head space after I've gotten away from them.

Shinysideup675 · 29/09/2014 19:34

There appears to be an assumption that her life has been rough. It hasnt. Id say she was doing OK if she can afford to rent an apartment and also her own home. No grudges being harboured. It was just a fleeting thought, really.

Angryoungwoman: maybe misogynistic. It's also entirely appropriate. I wasnt the one who gave her a nickname like that.

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 29/09/2014 19:34

The idea of sharing this information and outing her as a prostitute might make for an attractive fantasy but actually doing it would cause you more harm than it would to her. Harm to your soul and to your self-respect. If you can't see that it means you probably had none to start with.

flowery · 29/09/2014 19:34

I've wandered into a parallel universe again...

sonjadog · 29/09/2014 19:34

Not so obviously actually, Lemon. I was bullied horribly throughout my childhood. But I haven't been a child for a long time now and what happened can't be changed now. I don't see the point in being bitter and getting revenge for what happened many years ago.

I work with kids now. I see bullying is a much bigger thing than just a horrible kid picking on another child. The kids who bully often have many problems and difficulties themselves. They aren't evil. They are kids in difficult situations expressing their pain. That's why I would never want to hurt one of those who bullied me now. Who knows what those kids were experiencing at home?

Bulbasaur · 29/09/2014 19:35

There appears to be an assumption that her life has been rough. It hasnt.

She was an obviously unhappy child.

She fell into drugs.

She's a prostitute now.

You're either in denial or have the emotional maturity of a radish.

PiperIsOrange · 29/09/2014 19:36

Where does the money come from for this apartment, oh yes she is selling her body.

Strokethefurrywall · 29/09/2014 19:38

Christ OP, you need to channel Elsa and Let it Go.

Regardless of what she did to you in the past, you come across as a spiteful bitch in your OP. Who are you going to spill the beans to? It'll just make you look utterly batshit.

phantomnamechanger · 29/09/2014 19:39

There appears to be an assumption that her life has been rough. It hasnt.

no, I'm sure she's really very very happy with the way her life has turned out Hmm

Goldmandra · 29/09/2014 19:39

I was bullied on a daily basis in school for several years.

I sometimes wonder if the perpetrators remember what they did and have any awareness of the damage they caused to me.

The bullying has stayed with me and I have realised in recent years that it has had a profound effect on my life.

I feel sad that it happened and disappointed in the school staff for not intervening. However I don't feel bitter towards the bullies and I wouldn't do them harm given the opportunity. They are, no doubt, different people today and perhaps would feel dreadful if they knew what they had done. If I hated them that much for that many years it would destroy me.

OP, you need to put that part of your life behind you, be thankful that you haven't ended up having to earn your living by having sex with filthy strangers and move on.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/09/2014 19:40

If you 'spill the beans' as you put it, your friend runs a very real risk of losing her job. Either for spreading lies and rumours about one of her customers, or for breaking the data protection act. Or for profiting from prostitution.

Shinysideup675 · 29/09/2014 19:41

Could the mouth frothers please read the last four words of my original post.

OP posts:
magicpixie · 29/09/2014 19:42

what on earth is aw?

ArsenicFaceCream · 29/09/2014 19:43

I'm guessing AdultWork pixie - crops up on a lot of cheating threads.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/09/2014 19:43

You're all acting as if O.P owes this women something. It was her who was bullied not the other way around.
However o.p. It seems that karma has done the job for you anyway, O.P.
Her life is hardly a basket of fruit is it, and yes you're wallowing well quite honestly. Why shouldn't you.

Whiskwarrior · 29/09/2014 19:43

So why the thread then, OP, if you won't?

Pointless thread other than to have a really nasty bitch about this woman.

And once again:

OP: AIBU?

MN: Yes!

OP: No, because....

ArsenicFaceCream · 29/09/2014 19:45

'But I won't honest' and 'fleeting thought' don't sound particularly convincing given that you've brooded, gossiped, cyber-stalked and posted a long OP using misogynistic language and hinting at the poor woman's RL identity.

Funny that.

pictish · 29/09/2014 19:46

OP - the best revenge is in living well. You're doing alright...you're sorted. This woman's life is shit.

I should say that's enough to be going on with.

emotionsecho · 29/09/2014 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Shinysideup675 · 29/09/2014 19:47

ahem, it was a WWYD, not AIBU. I was well aware of it BU before I posted it.

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 29/09/2014 19:48

Do you know that a large number of prostitutes ended up there because they were sexually abused as children?
Do you know that a large number of prostitutes have pimps? Do you know what these pimps do to their women if they think they haven't earned enough money? Beat and rape them so they will work harder.
Do you know why a large proportion of prostitutes use drugs? Because of their pimps. The pimps start giving them just enough to get them hooked, and the free ride stops and they are sent to work. Others it's a way of masking the pain and nightmares.

Such a great life.. If you think she has a great life and doing ok, go on the game as well.

Grow up and stop stalking this person. If it's still affecting you all these years later go and get some counselling.

Whoopsadazy · 29/09/2014 19:48

I'd do nothing with the information.

pictish · 29/09/2014 19:48

WWID? Nothing. Nothing at all.

MrsJossNaylor · 29/09/2014 19:49

Bulbasaur has it bang on.

OP, grow up. I was bullied as a teenager, relentlessly. But I now have the benefit of an adult take on things, and can see that the girls who bullied me were desperately unhappy individuals. They too have chaotic lives now and, I am sure, aren't living the way they would like to.

YABU, petty, childish and misogynistic to boot.

Whiskwarrior · 29/09/2014 19:49

Okaaaaaay then.

OP: WWYD?

MN: Nothing

OP: Waaaaaah, but...

Better?