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AIBU?

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Original poster

I have some dirt on someone that used to bully me ... WWYD? (long)

184 replies

Shinysideup675 · 29/09/2014 19:12

When I was growing up, I was friendly with two sisters that used to live next door. They went to a different school, so we used to hang out in the evenings after school. During the last couple of years/6th form, one of their school friends moved to a house around the corner with her family. This friend, for some reason, took an instant dislike to me, I think because she was jealous of my friendship with the sisters, and started bullying me- shouting abuse into the street if I passed her house or the shop where she had a Saturday job - mainly about what a slag I was (I wasnt, hadnt ever actually DTD with anyone at this age) phoning the house, threats of violence that were never actually carried out. The galling thing was, she was a proper slapper herself her nickname, given by the local lads, was Spunkthirsty cos it rhymed with her actual name. I know I wasnt the only one she used to do this to. When she was about 18 she went totally off the rails, got in with local drug dealers and did a runner with their money (this is about 25 years ago). Im still in touch with the sisters (as is she) so I hear the odd snippet of gossip about what shes doing.

Shes back living in the old home town, and apparently, is a gobby bint that makes her neighbours lives a misery noise all hours of the day and night, staffy/PB type dogs roaming about and terroring the neighbours, etc. etc. One of the neighbours has reported her and the dogs have been taken off her, theres some sort of court hearing coming up about her getting them back but I dont know all the details. Shes moaning about her bad behaviour 20 odd years ago being held against her now (well, love, you made your bed ...) and telling everyone that shes really enjoying a new job as a carer. Turns out shes not elaboratd exactly what type of carer ...

I have a friend (also from our home town) that works for a company that manages apartments in a city centre about 10 miles away. They tell me that she is renting one of them. Shes not living there or subletting, but is basically using it as a base to operate as a prostitute. We did a bit of fishing and found her profile on AW which has clear face pics and pics of distinctive tattoos (and other body parts and, er, action shots that I cant unsee ). The profile also states that shes 35. Shes actually 42 (and a grandma). Quite tidy for her age, though, it has to be said. Her feedback is very positive, too. Seems shes very enthusiastic...

WWYD? Would you spill the beans? I havent ... although a small bad part of me would like some payback for her giving me hell all those years ago. I think all I would do is sign up to FB using her work name and a pic and send her a friend request just to freak her out a bit, nothing more than that. But I wont, honest.

OP posts:
TinyDancingHoofer · 29/09/2014 22:42

I think if we were talking about an abusive ex boyfriend rather than a woman people would be all for you going ahead.

I remember being so scared of a girl at the end of my road that I refused to walk to college until I'd seen her go past and waited ten minutes. If she was sick or I didn't see her then I simply didn't leave my house. All I'd done was turn up to college in the same jumper as her and that made me fair game to be spat on, pushed and verbally abused in the street. I actually cried the day she moved away I was so relieved.

People really under estimate how bad bullies can make your life. I understand why you still have anger towards her but I think the whole rising above thing is better than getting even.

ArsenicFaceCream · 29/09/2014 22:42

Twenty five years ago, sure. By teenagers. Very unpleasant. But teenagers. Possibly a teenage girl who was deeply disadvantaged and very poorly treated herself.

This is being perpetuauted now. By a middle aged woman. And the reveling in some of this stuff is obscene.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/09/2014 22:43

I don't disagree that she's unfortunate or that she's likely had a dreadful life.

But it's pretty common to suddenly when you're confronted by feelings from the past to feel them very strongly in the present.

The OP's not going to do it, I'd wager money that she's now thinking that maybe that horrible lass has had some abuse.

But posting on Mumsnet and having a rant isn't the same as real life.

It's totally fine to say 'have you thought about this' but it would be nice if we could offer a bit of understanding too.

I'm just not sure this thread represents our usual level of support Confused as well as the straight talking

LifesUPandLifesDown · 29/09/2014 22:45

Hang on, the OP was the one called a 'slag' by this girl

Yes girl not adult woman. She bullied her when she was a girl meaning the bully herself was also a child

I had a brick thrown at my head when I was a little girl, the lad who did it is now going out with someone I know. Does this mean 16 years later I get to throw a brick at his head? Ummm no.

Calloh · 29/09/2014 22:46

OP, I am so sorry you were bullied so much, it must have been horrible and terrifying.

You say in your original post that you won't do anything and that only a small part of you wants to. I can understand that a small part of you might want to but it is right that it is only a small part and right that you haven't acted on it.

It is hard to remember that a bully was a child. Looking at teenagers now, as an adult, it is easy to see how much they front and how vulnerable they are - it is much harder for their contemporaries to see this.

I hope that you let the pain go, you said you wouldn't act and that is absolutely the right thing. The poor child presumably showed confusion at her life as a form of aggression and desperately seeking confirmation through sex with boys who were just using her. It is terrible that her life hasn't turned a corner.

Ignore it or sympathise, do nothing more.

ArsenicFaceCream · 29/09/2014 22:49

But posting on Mumsnet and having a rant isn't the same as real life.

Rant isn't a magic word that allows posters to be as offensive and vile and triggering as they can muster Laurie. There will be paedophilia survivors reading too.

FreeWee · 29/09/2014 22:49

WWID? What you did TBH. A bit of digging, a bit of gossiping and a bit of thinking hmm what would it feel like to get revenge? But you can't discuss this with anyone IRL or the truth would come out so you come on an anonymous forum to fleetingly revel in the misfortune of someone who made your life a misery but really you know you'll do nothing because you're not that mean, just still sore from the bullying. There's lots of people on this thread who have more ability to forgive and forget than I do but I've been in a similar situation and kept schtum because I know deep down I couldn't live with being responsible for someone's downfall no matter what they did to me. You know you'll be the bigger person and not say anything but I can empathise it's satisfying to imagine revenge more than doing it might actually be. All the people filling in the bully's back story with abuse and low self esteem are projecting IMHO. I know plenty of unpleasant people; they can't all have been abused.

Selinemaratima · 29/09/2014 22:51

"She never spared any empathy for the people she bullied"

Get a grip! You were kids weren't you? She hollered at you in the street and called you some names - normal life as a teenager if you ask me, empathy in this instance; for a woman who is selling her body for a living? Is this not penance enough for what you feel she did to you when you were both kids? Who you
gona 'shop' her to, the council? For using the flat for prostitution? I'd bet it's not in her name, and would you really want to be associated with whoever's name it is in. Someone said if earlier, can of worms. Let it go, let it go.... It really is not healthy for you to harbour such hatred, just be thankful that you got dealt a better hand. Bullies are insecure for reasons that even they might not know, maturity and wisdom enable us to see those that have wronged us with a clearer vision, she doesn't deserve you hunting her down, she's already in enough of a state. Someone else put it earlier as 'kick em while they're down' Christ just ignore this woman's sad life, it's none of your business

LynetteScavo · 29/09/2014 23:01

WWID?

Nothing.

I would think that her now working as a prostitute is payback enough for treating me horribly years ago. It sounds like she lives a miserable, and somewhat chaotic life.

PiperIsOrange · 29/09/2014 23:09

www.rapeis.org/activism/prostitution/prostitutionfacts.html

Have a read of this.

80% of prostitutes are raped

kali110 · 29/09/2014 23:13

I do not agree that its normal life as a teenager at all.
A group of girls made my life hell.every single day. Shouting at me, threatening me, spreading lies about me, tripping me up, telling me i was ugly amd i should die etc i was scared to go into school.
People can take this into adulthood. I know i did! I felt worthless, so no not not normal teenage stuff. If mine was doing any of these things i would be ashamed!
I don't think op should do anything but i completely empathise with her for feeling this way.

Celticlass2 · 29/09/2014 23:15

Why on earth was my post deleted??

VerityWaves · 29/09/2014 23:16

Please leave to poor woman alone OP. How mean are you not to see life has not been good to her , do you want to push her over the edge into suicide? Because that's what you might do with your little plan.

Original poster
Shinysideup675 · 29/09/2014 23:22

Verity, my OP clearly states Im not going to do anything. A significant bit of detail that is being ignored.

OP posts:
PiperIsOrange · 29/09/2014 23:27

Just out of interest what did you envision the replies to be.

Selinemaratima · 29/09/2014 23:45

She hasn't said it was a group of girls, she said the now prostitute shouted at her in the street & called her some names. Obviously no where near the pain you felt Kali101. However for most teenagers, you encounter mean behaviour, feeling left out, name calling, I know I did but I wouldn't say I was bullied no and I think this is a distinguishable point about this thread, it seems to me that the now prostitute just didn't like OP they just didn't get on, from what she's said I don't think it amounts to bullying. Although again, to distinguish the point of the thread; it's surely the difference between being a child & being a grown up. IMHO OP had her chance to stand up for herself way back when, it's just unreasonable to try and settle old scores 20 years later, particularly with such underhand ammunition. Sorry kali101 would never want to offend people who have suffered as you have but doubt very much that you & OP have anything in common

Selinemaratima · 29/09/2014 23:48

Sorry OP = shinysideup obviously

kali110 · 29/09/2014 23:56

Op clearly felt bulliedby her. Other people may not feel it was bullying but op clearly did. She said she was called horrible names, verbally abused and there were threats of violence so i would called that bullying.
I'm not saying op should do anything, i said earlier that she should do nothing and stay clear but everybody is saying what the bully must have gone through.
If op is still harbouring thoughts of revenge then it may have affected her. I'm not going to tell her to grow up as i feel sorry for her.

Original poster
Shinysideup675 · 29/09/2014 23:57

I had no presumptions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinysideup675 · 30/09/2014 00:06

Oh Selina, she was a real piece of work. Not just name calling, almost identical to what Kali experienced, plus phoning the house to threaten violence - dont you effing dare walk past my house, I'll get you done over, I'll set the dog on you (the family had an enormous alsatian or something like that), that sort of thing. No idea why. I was like a little mouse back then. Must have seemed an easy target.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 30/09/2014 00:15

So you've gone from wanting to scare her via fb, to actually being concerned that other people may see these pictures, and wanting to warn her?

You're still angry about how she made you feel back then, fair enough, but you don't end up owing drug dealers money and having to run away without being a drug user, and you don't sleep with lots of men at a young age without having some sort of issues, likely abuse(whether you want to believe that or not)

You don't want to consider these things, as you want to carry on being angry, honestly op, let it go, she's miserable, she's probably ALWAYS been miserable :(

BastardGoDarkly · 30/09/2014 00:17

Maybe she was jealous of you? Unlikely as that may seem to you, maybe she craved a settled home life, good friends and self respect, I don't know.

LifesUPandLifesDown · 30/09/2014 00:18

What Is it you want from this thread OP?

kali110 · 30/09/2014 00:36

Sorry op if i'v bought anything back for you!really sorry you went through it.i was very quiet also.
You do need to not do anything though. I think if you did you'd feel good initially, but it wouldn't last.
It would make you no better than her.
Move on, you've clearly had the last laugh Thanks

Bulbasaur · 30/09/2014 00:50

She never spared any empathy for the people she bullied

Are you implying that it's ok to stoop to her level then?

She bullied you 25 years ago when you were both still children. No matter how horrible she may have been, it's been a quarter of a century that you are continuing to obsess about this.

You may not have had a choice in dealing with her as a kid. But you're letting her continue to rule your head space today. What is the point of looking her up and stalking her like this? Why is she even being given a second thought.

Feel superior and smug that you turned out better than her if that makes you feel better.

But, it's time to move on.