Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Original poster

DM has kidnapped my babies!

250 replies

bedraggledmumoftwo · 28/09/2014 15:42

Just got back from a night away with dh, timed to get back for the end of naptime, to find an empty house. Turns out Dm has taken my kids to visit my grandmother, over an hour away, and only just got there so wont be back for a good few hours. We only went for one night locally so that we wouldn't have to be away from baby for more than 24 hours. Dh is absolutely furious because he works away all week and hardly sees them. But i hadn't told her when we would be back, just assumed they would be here for naptime since i gave her the schedule(which must have been ignored. So aibu to think she should have checked before buggering off on a Sunday afternoon, or is it my fault for not telling her when we would be back?

OP posts:

Original poster

bedraggledmumoftwo · 28/09/2014 19:40

Just to answer some of the questions. No, i don't have family locally, they live 3 hours away and come and stay every couple of weeks. The reason it was strange she was waiting up for me when she last babysat is because she was staying in my spare bed and it was midnight, i had expected her to be in bed. Sorry if that was confusing. For that reason we didn't want to have another night out locally and feel like naughty children in our own house when we got in, so this time we went for a hotel.

yes, i was mostly worried because of my dh reacting badly. And yes, he really was furious, and it did cause a bad atmosphere. I can see his point though because he does work 100 hours a week and he agreed to a night away because i needed a break, not him.

OP posts:

OddFodd · 28/09/2014 19:48

Well if you're perfectly happy to use a babysitter, I don't know why you don't go out for the evening and then you won't have to deal with your mother making you feel like a teenager or kidnapping your babies.

If she lives 3 hours away, she's not going to know if you go out is she?

Your husband sounds like an utter wanker - I don't care how many hours he works

JanineStHubbins · 28/09/2014 19:49

So your mother is allowed to babysit, but only if you dictate what time she goes to bed at? Are you for real?

hoobypickypicky · 28/09/2014 19:53

"yes, i was mostly worried because of my dh reacting badly. And yes, he really was furious"

This worries me.

This is a serious question bedraggled. What do you mean by "I was mostly worried because of my DH reacting badly"?

Are you frightened of him?

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 28/09/2014 19:54

Im confused by this.

If my mum had come down to look after the kids as if she would ever do this she'd never take them an hour away without telling me.

If a MIL was looking after the kids and she took the kids away 60 miles and didnt tell the parents, would she still be 'okay'd'?

Im not sure
I can be an anxious parent but really struggle to be away from my baby for the first time so perhaps my opinion is skewed but I would be livid.

I also think the thread would have gone differently if 'DM' was ' MIL'......

papercliplover · 28/09/2014 19:55

You sound afraid of your Dh

backbystealth · 28/09/2014 19:56

I just knew your stress and 'anger' was because you were on the edge about your husband's reaction.

It's not your mum you are angry with it's him.

Btw the whole 'some of you have forgotten how emotional it was to leave your children for the first time'....some of us weren't emotional and were fucking delighted fine about leaving kids for a few hours or a night with loving, responsible relatives.

I know it's partly horses for courses, but honestly I think you can talk yourself into this hysteria about leaving your kids.! It's healthy for you, for them, for grandparents and they are in almost every case absolutely fine. So what if you miss them? That's not hurting you or them! It's normal and you will see them soon - enjoy your time off, your husband, your independent self. Grrrr bit of a bugbear of mine. It seems to be a more recent thing as well, this having to be bereft if you leave your baby...

IamHelenaJustina · 28/09/2014 19:58

I really, really don't like the sound of your dh. He 'agreed' to a night away. How big of him.

tinklykeys · 28/09/2014 19:58

Poor OP!! On pg 1 or 2 of this thread she said something along the lines of 'ok, iabu' and then has to suffer another 7 or so pgs of all you guys hammering it home...she already agreed!!! Talk about kicking someone when they're down!

OP I'm glad everyone's back now and sorted. If it was me in this world of easy texting I would be surprised if my mum took the kids further than the local playground without at least checking in... sounds like there was just a bit of a miscommunication. Hopefully your DH will see that when he's calmed down. Mine would have reacted exactly the same in that situation . I'm glad the rest of you have such perfect relationships!

Now go and enjoy those babies...

pictish · 28/09/2014 20:01

Your problem isn't your mum, who has done nothing wrong, but your impatient, unforgiving, 'furious' bloody husband.

Don't take the fact that your husband is an ill mannered arse out on your mum. She did you both a favour.

VinoTime · 28/09/2014 20:03

"...I gave her the schedule"

I'm so sorry OP, but if my daughter in years to come ever hands me a 'schedule' dictating how I am to look after my grandchildren, I will roll it up and bop her on the nose with it, shouting "No! Bad girl!" And then I'll be handing the children straight back over and refusing to watch them

You need to unclench.

And your DH sounds like a complete arse.

pictish · 28/09/2014 20:04

Oops just saw your update OP....glad all is well.
But I still think your husband sounds really unpleasant.

Original poster

bedraggledmumoftwo · 28/09/2014 20:05

Hooby, no, i am not frightened of him. If anything, i was concerned that it was going to impact negatively on my parents staying at our house all the time, which he puts up with for my benefit, although i know he would rather they didn't.

lumpen, indeed, of course from my dhs perspective, it is the mil!

OP posts:

TheWitTank · 28/09/2014 20:07

Glad all is okay now op. Your H sounds like a total bellend though. Can't stand adult sulking, it's pathetic. Grow up, it was a MINOR misunderstanding. My DH works a horrendously long and hard week but wouldn't dream of marding like a big baby and ruining a weekend over such a trivial non issue. You don't have to forgive his dick behaviour because he works hard. So do lots of people.

sykadelic · 28/09/2014 20:07

I'm so surprised so many people jumped on the OP about this, maybe it's the way she worded it?


"DM babysat our 6 m/o and 2 y/o last night. It's the first night away from the baby since giving birth 6 months ago. When we got back (around their nap time) she and the kids were gone. No note was left and she hadn't let me know they were going out.

I called her and she'd taken the kids to see her mother over an HOUR away. She'd just arrived and told me it would be several hours until she'd be back

AIBU to be upset that she took the kids over an hour away without telling me? We hadn't given a definite time to be back but then I didn't really expect she'd take them that far without asking first."

I mean really. She didn't even ask if it was okay. I don't care that she's the grandmother, they're not her kids so she checks first. Just like you don't start giving kids crackers or other such things without first checking with the mother. Common decency really. She could easily have asked when she started babysitting "I'm thinking I'll take them to visit mum tomorrow. When should we be back?"

OP I understand why you were upset. It was a shock to come home and find them gone, and you panicked when you realised they were so far away. It's a simple miscommunication and definitely lesson learned! I'd tell your DM (and anyone else who babysits) that next time you'd appreciate a call or text to ask. It's one thing to pop to a previously agreed apon location (park/library/store) and shoot you a text "off to the park", quite another to disappear with someone else's kids without even checking with them first.

FixItUpChappie · 28/09/2014 20:08

Obviously she hasn't kidnapped them (and obviously the OP knows that)....but YANBU - she should have asked if you'd mind and when you'd be back. That's basic courtesy IMO though as you can see everyone will turn up to be dismissive and call you "precious". people quickly forget the emotions that can come with having a tiny baby (especially if it's your first).

MyFairyKing · 28/09/2014 20:09

From what you are posting, your husband isn't sounding like a very nice person. What a shame for you after a nice night away.

hamptoncourt · 28/09/2014 20:10

I see, so you were worried your DH would use this very minor misunderstanding as an excuse to stop your parents staying at your home.

I think we can all see something you cannot see yet OP. Good Luck.

sykadelic · 28/09/2014 20:10

VinoTime thank god I'm not your daughter. How holier-than-thou must you be to decide you know better than the parents of your grandchildren. There's a schedule for a reason.

I baby sat for a friend and I loved having the schedule there. Just because I'm babysitting doesn't mean her schedule should go to shit and the parents just have to deal with it.

slithytove · 28/09/2014 20:11

YANBU

pictish · 28/09/2014 20:12

I can honestly state that under the same circumstances, when my children were little babies, I wouldn't have minded either my mother OR my mil taking them to visit a family member while they were babysitting for me.
I would have seen it as an extra couple of hours of blissful undemanding peace. Sweet!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 28/09/2014 20:15

Ah. I love a schedule though.
Its considerate to the baby and the babysitter. Makes perfect sense.

sykadelic · 28/09/2014 20:15

So the DH goes away and works long hours to support his family and is being called a bad guy because he was reluctant to spend more time away from his little kids than he already does?

He's also a bad guy for being "furious" when he got home after a longer time away from his kids than normal and finding them gone and his MIL having taken the hours away (2 hour round trip) without even the courtesy of asking permission.

There are some really odd people on this thread blaming the OP and her DH for a completely understandable reaction (and slight over-reaction) to coming home and finding their children missing.

TheWitTank · 28/09/2014 20:18

It's not the fact he was put out sky, it's the fact he is sulking and ignoring the op and so furious he has ruined a weekend. It's feeble and a total over reaction. Sulking is for children. And even then I hate it.

MyFairyKing · 28/09/2014 20:19

sykadelic You think it's normal to be furious about a misunderstanding? They trusted OP's mum enough to babysit overnight but suddenly these extra few hours tipped him over? They had not told the mum when they'd be back, so I think they need to accept some responsibility over the confusion.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Swipe left for the next trending thread