DM has kidnapped my babies!

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Just got back from a night away with dh, timed to get back for the end of naptime, to find an empty house. Turns out Dm has taken my kids to visit my grandmother, over an hour away, and only just got there so wont be back for a good few hours. We only went for one night locally so that we wouldn't have to be away from baby for more than 24 hours. Dh is absolutely furious because he works away all week and hardly sees them. But i hadn't told her when we would be back, just assumed they would be here for naptime since i gave her the schedule(which must have been ignored. So aibu to think she should have checked before buggering off on a Sunday afternoon, or is it my fault for not telling her when we would be back?

You see hooby, I very much doubt that most grandmothers would see looking after their grandchildren as "massive favours" and can therefore do what they want with the children rather than respect the routine that works for the family. But perhaps that will be your style.

OP I don't think ybu (I don't think your mother is either). You miss your babies, your DH is being grumpy and having a sound off online has gone a bit awry.

No one is at fault but it imagine it's a rubbish end to nice weekend. and from me.

Presumably all the people who never left their children overnight have only 1 child, or an absolutely enormous age gap, or had home births with the older child in the house?

. You're absolutely right. Because giving birth is the same as a night away with DH/DP.

I completely agree with hooby.

EnjoyingMyCoffee, no need to tell hooby to calm down, there's nothing wrong with what was said....

Fucking hell! Talk about ungrateful! if you dh wanted to see his kids he should have stayed at home really shouldnt he?

Hey will be back soon having had a nice time!!

Your DH needs to grow up

Presumably all the people who never left their children overnight have only 1 child, or an absolutely enormous age gap, or had home births with the older child in the house?

I gave birth to DS2 in hospital, at lunchtime, 20 minutes after I arrived. DS1 stayed with DH overnight.

My MIL had the kids for 3 nights when I was in hospital, but DH was there too. She's done that twice, and it was because she lives near to the hospital, we don' t.

I've looked after the kids, alone, very often when DH has been away with the Forces.

We just never had the chance to go away together!

Reading between the lines this is more about your husband's reaction than anything else. I get the impression that you might have felt ok had he not been so angry and stormed off in a sulk. He's behaving like a child!

As others have said, you are very lucky to have family nearby to support you.

OP I'd be a bit peeved if my Mum took the kids out on a big trip in this situation without telling me (not asking, telling - I wouldn't expect to be asked if it was OK, but I'd like to have been told it was happening). However, I would never go away without saying what time I'd be back, or at least an approximate time. Did you really not tell her a time? Because that seems bizarre to me.

I presume you have a mobile and have been easily contactable since you went away?

And you thought it was weird when your mum waited up for you? Not sure what else they're supposed to do. These things happen, so what you forgot to arrange a return time, he's being u and making you feel this tiny thing is important, he'll still get to see then and it's one weekend. I'd love to have go that wanted my dc over the weekend or in fact ever.

I still don't understand what anyone's done wrong? Why is anything anyone's fault?

[baffled emoticon]

OP. What an awful bashing you're getting here. I hope you are ok. I understand about being a bit strict about routines, i understand about being a bit emotional leaving your baby for the first time.

Personally i am never gagging for time away from my kids and don't understand all this dramatics about eternal undying gratitude for GPs looking after their GC for a few hours for free and dancing gleefully about when the house is empty. It's nice to get away for a bit. It's even nicer to come home again when they're little and it's the first time you've left them.

I agree that it sounds as if your DH is ramping this up and making it into a massive deal for you. If you'd both have got home and you'd said 'oh - mums taken the kids out! I'm surprised/disappointed they're not here i wanted a cuddle'' and he'd said ''same, but lets sit down and chill out and wait - maybe ring her to see how long she'll be'' then i'm sure you'd not be getting in such an emotional state about it all.

I don't see why it's such a big deal to ask anyone looking after your kids for 24 hours to stick to a routine. OP was hardly asking her mum to spend the next fortnight sitting in the nursery! It was just to stay in at nap time yesterday and today.

Excuse you d.m for not being psychic! and not knowing when you'll be back.

I don't understand.

Why would your DM not have been awake when you came back from previous night out? Did your schedule tell her she had to be asleep? I would have thought an awake babysitter was far more desirable than an asleep one?

Also, how come you have such a strict schedule for DM/DC to follow, but you and DH didn't have a schedule for your movements?

Finally, does DH have a habit of sulking and not talking to you? Very unattractive.

Your mum hasn't done anything wrong, honestly.

Your DH's reaction is the odd thing here.

Does your mum have car seat for the DC.

I don't have a problem with anyone I trust taking the DC out, but I would like to know where they are before hand.

I would have gone out for Sunday lunch if I had known.

It was hardly a 'big trip'- I thought they went to see the great grandmother? Nice for all.

Perhaps DH's mum could be the one to tell him, gently, that he is being silly!

If I'd left my babies at this age, I never did I'd have been desperate to see them the second I got home too.

But your mother has been left in charge, and decided to take your DC out. Safely. To visit a relative. Occasionally, such things will take priority over being in the house during nap time, and naps will happen in the car. You either trust your mother, or you don't.

She will probably be fine once she gets over the shock.

??

All is well, they are home and no rows. My mum wouldn't have taken them if shed known we were en route, and she could see i was upset but we've had a hug and all is ok.

Your DH's reaction is utterly unreasonable and by way of placating him you are furious with your DM.

Sounds controlling to me, whatever happened to just being grateful?

If the routine was so important then you shouldn't have left them for the night with your mother. If you leave someone else in charge then it's unrealistic to expect that they do things in exactly the same way that you do - your wishes or not.

That's good op.

Is your husband calmer now?

Sorry you're having a rough time OP.

I think if you step back and take a breath, you'll realize that it's not that big a deal. 60 miles isn't very far, and they are with your mum and probably having a lovely time.

Tell your DH to stop being an asshole.