DM has kidnapped my babies!

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Just got back from a night away with dh, timed to get back for the end of naptime, to find an empty house. Turns out Dm has taken my kids to visit my grandmother, over an hour away, and only just got there so wont be back for a good few hours. We only went for one night locally so that we wouldn't have to be away from baby for more than 24 hours. Dh is absolutely furious because he works away all week and hardly sees them. But i hadn't told her when we would be back, just assumed they would be here for naptime since i gave her the schedule(which must have been ignored. So aibu to think she should have checked before buggering off on a Sunday afternoon, or is it my fault for not telling her when we would be back?

I think she's got the message.

Blimey. Talk about ungrateful. Did you expect your mum to sit in and wait for you to come back if you didn't even have the courtesy to tell her when to expect you home? And why is your DH so furious? He went away for the night happily enough presumably? If you have a rant at your mum for kindly looking after your children so that you could go off for a jolly, I very much doubt she'll do it for you again. You and your 'furious' husband need to unclench.

Kids never stick to their schedules with new people anyway. The car ride would have knocked them out.

If you wanted her there at a certain time, you should have told her when you were coming back.

Enjoy the peace and quiet for a bit.

I'll go against the grain and say if I left someone looking after my kids at my house and they decided to take an hours drive on the motorway with them, especially as one of them is a baby, then I would have expected them to check that was ok, or to have told me that was part of their plans for the time with them.

The op didn't say when she'd be back because she thought she knew where they'd be and it was implicit in the arrangement. The onus is on the other person to declare their wish to do something different.

Everyone is focussing on taking the piss out of the OPs schedule, but surely most people would expect to be told where their babies might be likely to be during the time they've left them. I know I would.

Mumsnet seems to get very emotive about the rights of granny and great-granny but if you are a mother or father with any particular wishes you need to get a grip and you deserve everything you get,

why don't yuo use the extra time to go back to bed with dh who you hardly see in the week

No need to flame the OP. She got home looking forward to spending time with DCs and they weren't there. She will probably be fine once she gets over the shock.

Dd2 had a gro clock type thing. It worked like this: Stay in bed until the sun comes up on your clock in toddler language means "Instead of annoying only your older sister by making her get up and bring you snacks at 5am, annoy the whole household and the neighbours by singing disney songs as loud as possible until the sun comes up on the clock. Be sure to repeat the same verse over and over and over and over for maximum annoyance"

But you are getting extra time without kids.

Go have lots of sex or watch a film and enjoy the peace

And husband seems to have been stuck in it by your lack of communication and your wanting a lie in. (Not that a lie in was unreasonable. A lie in is the point of going away without the children, IMO!)

So, now you have learned, telling the sitter your schedule matters as much as telling them the children's schedule. And only expect those babysitting as a favor/as a way to have their gc to themselves to approximate your day, they will adjust as needed and as suits them. If you want more precisely timetabled care, you will have to pay for it.

I'll go against the grain and say if I left someone looking after my kids at my house and they decided to take an hours drive on the motorway with them, especially as one of them is a baby, then I would have expected them to check that was ok.

Why?

They'll be in their car seats.

Why would someone who you have trusted your children with for over 24 hours, need to check it was ok to drive on a motorway with them? .

Unless they hadn't passed a driving test, or just passed one last week, or I had a concern about their driving in general it wouldn't bother me at all!

Grandparents should be allowed to look after children in their own way.By all means give them a run- down of what you do in a day,but don't expect it to be followed to the letter! That's what grandparents are for...alternative to the usual.

When I stayed with my grandparents I never did things the way they were done at home, and that's what made going to their house so enjoyable and special. My mum would tut and roll her eyes,but would never be angry with them!

maryz my children (8+4) are both up by 6 at the latest every day. I have learned to accept it and ignore people who say "I wouldn't let mine get up so early" and "why don't you get a gro-clock?"
If the sight of me puffy eyes whisper screaming "go back to bed" doesn't work, a picture of the moon seems unlikely to be effective.

When I stayed with my nana she would fill me full of jam (which sent me potty) and then send me home to my mum.

My mum, to this day, still thinks poor old nana did this on purpose

Would happily pay for babysitter, my mum wanted to babysit. Yes, i realise i am anally retentive with the schedule and all, but when you have been sleep deprived for three years nine months, and finally manage to train them to sleep past 430am for three nights in a row you do put the schedule on a pedestal!

it is the first time we have been away, it was our Fifth wedding anniversary. And no sex or tea is being had, dh is really upset so not even talking to me. And he didn't realise i hadn't told my mum when we would be back, so i told him to blame me. And he is. Which has undone all the good that having one night away was supposed to achieve.

sorry that i have got you all so riled up.

Ban her from babysitting ever again, that'll teach her, selfish old bag

Your problem lies with your DH, OP.

they'll be in their car seats

Oh ok then. Who cares where they are. Bring on the sex and DVDs.

Because I'd like to vaguely aware of where my baby would be when I might be likely to see them. Not in a screaming control freak way, just in a motherly way. A night away from me for my 9 month old would be a huge deal for her at the moment and for me a bit, if I had left her thinking I would see her at a certain time and then found I was hours away from seeing her, that would be upsetting for me and, more importantly, her. The car seat wouldn't negate that.

If you were babysitting for someone on the implicit understanding that you would stay Lin the house or local to it, would you just take them out an hours drive away for several hours without mentioning it first? I wouldn't, and find it odd that someone wouldn't.

I'm just saying give the OP a break for feeling differently about it, the responses are overly harsh.

Fucking hell, he sounds delightful.

Its fine having a schedule if that suits but you can't expect other people who are sitting fir free to stick to it!

You should be grateful, many people would kill ti be in your position

Funny how we are all so different isn't it.

If this was me I would be fist pumping the air and settling down for some CHillaxing.

your dh is an arse

Yes, your DH is being VU. Why isn't he talking to you?! He sounds really unreasonable.

And if you were that worried about it Scotgremlin you would have said when you were coming back wouldn't you...

And do sex and DVDs equate to one another where 2 year olds are concerned. Puts a whole new spin on a Peppa Pig box set.