Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am not too skinny?

247 replies

WhatALovelySingingVoice · 21/09/2014 20:16

I used to be quite overweight - at my heaviest I was around 13 stone at 5'2 but over the last year I've been trying really hard to lose weight and I'm now 9 stone.

I really don't think 9 stone at 5'2 is anywhere near too skinny but ever since I've reached this weight a couple of months ago I've been getting comments non-stop about how "skinny" I am.

Last week both my mum and my sister pulled me aside to tell me they were very concerned as I am "wasting away" and they really think I should say a doctor as it's not healthy being "this thin". Then later on that day my sister sent me an e-mail with links to various websites with information about eating disorders, anorexia and the health risks of being underweight with a message saying I really should get checked out Confused. Then yesterday my mum gave me a huge half hour lecture about being too skinny and went on about a TV show she'd seen about people who were too skinny and the effects on their health it was having Confused.

I've also had other comments from other people about how they think I've lost a bit too much, how I looked better this time last year, etc.

But really...I'm not too skinny am I?

Am I being unreasonable or are they?

OP posts:
Pickledradish · 22/09/2014 07:13

I'm 5'3 and 9 Stone 6 and a size 12 (M&S size 10) - so my BMI is slightly higher than yours (23.4 or so).

Although I used to consider myself a healthy weight, I now live in an Asian country, where the majority are stick-thin, and I was shocked to be told by a doctor here that I am obese as my body-fat is above 32%. I've been advised to lose 10% of my bodyweight as I have pre-diebetes. Most of my fat is around my waist and boobs.

Now, I don't think a BMI of 23 is skinny at all. You've done really well to lose that weight OP.

bakingtins · 22/09/2014 07:16

Well done on your weight loss. I think the comments stem from jealousy, though Mums do seem to have a built in anxiety about daughters and weight loss. I'm 5'3 and happiest at 9 stone, currently trying to get back there after having a baby. Healthy BMI for me is anywhere between 8-10 stone so you must be right in the middle of your healthy range.

cowmop · 22/09/2014 07:18

I'm 5"10 and 8st7. I'm a bit too slim, but not painfully so. My Mum struggles with her weight and is constantly telling me how thin I am, how unhealthy it is etc, she also brings junk around for me and the children all the time no matter how many times I ask her not too. It's always "a treat", but I can't seem to get through that a treat is an occasional not everyday thing. She has an unhealthy attitude to food, I was a fat bullied child, but I can't seem to get through to her that I want my family to have a healthy attitude towards food and moderation not treats and food as an expression of love.

I think you've done brilliantly, you should be proud and take no notice of your family or others who wish to bring you down, whether it's intentional or not.

steamcomingoutofmyears · 22/09/2014 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bakeoffcakes · 22/09/2014 07:25

Comgratulations!

I'm 5'2 and am currently 8 stone 8. I'm a 8-10 so certainly not "skinny". Ignore your family and don't worry about it.

VinoTime · 22/09/2014 07:33

I'm 5'2.

Before I had dd, I was 8st 4, size 8-10. I looked perfectly in proportion and loved my figure.

I'm now sitting at 11st 4, size 12-14. It doesn't look good at all and I desperately need to stop being lazy and do something about losing it. I would be delighted to jump on the scales and find 9st staring up at me!

A massive well done on such a wonderful achievement, OP! Like others have said, I suspect people commenting either have a touch of the green eyed monster in them or the weight loss is just taking a while for them to get used to.

Well done!!!!

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 22/09/2014 07:48

Well done OP.

Your mum and sister are seeing you as a normal weight now, looking in the mirror and seeing someone overweight. They don't like that...but it is good for them and it might be enough to motivate them both to lose weight. Sadly, so far, they are just motivated to enable each other to stay overweight. Just keep telling them about your healthy lifestyle, the delicious healthy foods you eat and the regular exercise they are missing out on.

Suzannewithaplan · 22/09/2014 10:23

?Imo the pressure from overweight people to not lose bodyfat is a significant and often under appreciated factor contributing to the obesity epidemic .
It's a two pronged 'carrot and stick' attack consisting of disapproval / criticism when someone is seen to be slimmer and encouragement of behavior which leads to weight gain ?.

We often hear about the pressure from 'the media' to be slim, clearly this is far weaker than the social pressure which comes from friends, family and colleagues working in the other direction to ?keep bodyfat rising.

Perhaps the obesity tide could be turned by widespread social disapproval of behaviors which lead to weight gain but with the majority of people now overweight this seems unlikely? ?
?

YouTheCat · 22/09/2014 12:12

What do you want? Members of the public with placards outside of cake shops? Hmm

Suzannewithaplan · 22/09/2014 12:23

I dont want anything, Im just making an observation.
I dont really understand the point you are trying to make YouTheCat?

ChippingInLatteLover · 22/09/2014 12:25

You don't have a weight issue - you have a mother issue Flowers

She looked at chicken breasts and kale and said 'that's why you are wasting away' FFS. What is her diet like? Hmm Were you brought up eating food you'd now consider 'not that great'?

You have done well, you have a really healthy view on what you are eating now and realise what you were eating before is crap.

You seem to have stopped losing weight, so you don't seem obsessed by getting any thinner - I can't see any problems.

One thing to bear in mind is that everyone will look/be OK at a different weight. There was a thread here about 2 weeks ago and the OP posted some pictures of herself asking people how much we thought she weighed and people guessed at anything from 9st to 14st. Lots of people posted to say they were either her 'size' but weighed very differently to her, or her 'weight' and looked really different.

If YOU aren't worried then just ignore them, if you are a bit concerned now then ask a REAL friend who will be honest not flattering or post a couple of headless photos on here and we'll all tell you if we think you need to be worried.

Well done for losing so much weight - but more than that, having such a healthy outlook on it Flowers

Iconfuseus · 22/09/2014 12:42

For what it's worth I don't think you have lost too much weight and I congratulate you on all of your efforts!

I agree with the previous poster who says you have a 'mother' issue.

I would though, perhaps take a few moments to review if you are getting the right balance of nutrients. It's possible that you are lacking some minerals or something and as a result look a little bit washed out? That might be what has prompted the comments from other people? Or perhaps your clothes are not fitting well enough anymore?

I think what is possibly behind this all is that you sometimes build up a mental image of someone - and then when that changes drastically for whatever reason it feels 'off' somehow. For example I always think it's weird when I'm used to seeing someone in glasses and then they take them off. Somehow their face just looks wrong - even though it's a perfectly normal face!

So perhaps your family and friends will adjust in time?

YouTheCat · 22/09/2014 12:55

My point is that your point is silly.

I'm overweight and losing through a healthy diet and increased exercise. I have never ever, in all my 45 years, felt pressured by other over weight people to over eat. I have done that on my own. Social disapproval would have done nothing to change my attitude to food and exercise. I had to do that for myself.

There are way too many factors involved in people being over weight. A take away was a massive and expensive treat when I was a kid. But these days it's seen as a quick fix option for lunch and dinner. Highly processed food is generally a cheaper option than buying and cooking from scratch. No one has any time any more. Life moves too quickly. There are more drivers and more cars - few people seem to walk any more. My neighbours all hop in their cars to drive to the local shop but it's only a 5/10 minute walk away. Their kids get driven to school even though it's down the road. We sit munching in front of the telly these days, on Pringles and sweets. Snacking has become the norm when 30 years ago it was 3 meals a day. Portion sizes are too big. So many reasons.

Suzannewithaplan · 22/09/2014 13:08

you have misunderstood my point YouTheCat, I know that the causes of obesity are multiple, I think that social pressure is one of those causes and that its significance is underestimated.

the fact that you personaly dont feel social pressure to be overweight is neither here not there.
Ditto your belief that you are immune to social disapproval

Suzannewithaplan · 22/09/2014 13:16

suspect that you also dont understand the ways in which social norms influence behaviour, they are most effective when not obvious and overt, subtle but sustained background influences which largely by pass conscious awareness

YouTheCat · 22/09/2014 13:18

I didn't say I was immune to social disapproval. I'm really not. But all that would have done would have fed into my feelings of guilt which would have resulted in more comfort eating like a vicious circle - so pointless.

I don't think so regarding social pressure. I blame the fact that cookery is no longer properly taught in schools. What they do get taught is how to open a tin or a packet which is daft. Children are herded through lunch in as quick a time as possible. It's all about getting as much food in in as short a time as possible. It's just not good to eat like this and it's promoting dysfunctional eating habits, imo.

YouTheCat · 22/09/2014 13:20

Yes and I do understand very well about back ground influences and all those subtle aspects.

Did you mean to sound so patronising?

Suzannewithaplan · 22/09/2014 13:23

did you mean to be ironic with that tired old mumsnet cliche?

ouryve · 22/09/2014 13:23

YANBU. I'm a couple of inches taller, but got the same nonsense as I approached 9 stone. Back up at 11stone, I'm "looking well" it seems, even though I am overweight, again.

YouTheCat · 22/09/2014 13:25

Nope. I thought the old cliché was, 'Did you mean to be so rude'?

Suzannewithaplan · 22/09/2014 13:27

You insult me by dismissing my point as silly and then complain that I am patronising !
Talk about brass neck! ?Confused

Mintyy · 22/09/2014 13:31

Oh you really are being a bit daft Suzanne.

Didn't you know that the societal pressure (as you put it) to be slim is largely what has caused the obesity epidemic.

95% of obese people will have gone on a diet (restricted their calories), if not several diets in their lives. They will all have lost weight but then regained it plus some.

Dieting makes you fat ... did you seriously not know?

YouTheCat · 22/09/2014 13:33

Well, I thought your point was silly when you look at it amongst all the other factors. It was my opinion of your opinion.

I didn't complain that you are patronising. I asked if you meant to be. You might not have meant for it to come across that way.

TrisisFour · 22/09/2014 13:35

I am 5ft 8 and at my skinniest (as an adult - I was always a skinny child!) I was under 8st.

Now that is skinny!! I'm around 10st now and a size 12.

You sound perfect. Ignore! Smile

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 22/09/2014 13:38

I am the same height as you and I recently went from 12 stone to just under 10. I got the same comments from my mum as well, which was ridiculous as I was still on the plump side at 10 stone and 5' 2".

' Be careful, you are starting to look pinched and gaunt.' Hmm WTF? I've never looked pinched and gaunt in my life. Chance would be a fine thing, I might actually find some cheekbones!

9.7 is my ultimate target. I'd love to be 9 stone but I don't really believe I can do it, and I really can't imagine what it would look/feel like. I don't think I've weighed that little since I was about 15.

Plenty of very thin/body conscious people would still argue that 9 stone the top end of acceptable for our women of our height.

I think people who have known us forever tend to typecast us, and get a bit panicky if we try to be something they are not used to! It unsettles them. It's not your actual weight that bothers her, it's just the start contrast to how you were. Ignore it.