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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am not too skinny?

247 replies

WhatALovelySingingVoice · 21/09/2014 20:16

I used to be quite overweight - at my heaviest I was around 13 stone at 5'2 but over the last year I've been trying really hard to lose weight and I'm now 9 stone.

I really don't think 9 stone at 5'2 is anywhere near too skinny but ever since I've reached this weight a couple of months ago I've been getting comments non-stop about how "skinny" I am.

Last week both my mum and my sister pulled me aside to tell me they were very concerned as I am "wasting away" and they really think I should say a doctor as it's not healthy being "this thin". Then later on that day my sister sent me an e-mail with links to various websites with information about eating disorders, anorexia and the health risks of being underweight with a message saying I really should get checked out Confused. Then yesterday my mum gave me a huge half hour lecture about being too skinny and went on about a TV show she'd seen about people who were too skinny and the effects on their health it was having Confused.

I've also had other comments from other people about how they think I've lost a bit too much, how I looked better this time last year, etc.

But really...I'm not too skinny am I?

Am I being unreasonable or are they?

OP posts:
MrsMook · 21/09/2014 22:16

I'm the same height and my comfort zone is 8st 8 to 9st 2. It's a very sensible BMI well within the healthy range. Chicken and kale sound sensible enough, and the fact that you've stabilised your weight in the healthy range sounds perfectly sensible and not indicative of disordered eating.

It sounds to me that the food issues going on here are theirs and not yours.

gamescompendium · 21/09/2014 22:19

I'm the same height but heavier. When I'm 9 stone I'm a size 10/12 and no-one ever said I was too skinny, I still looked pretty curvy (but healthy) at that size. Well done you for losing that weight and keeping it off.

Notcontent · 21/09/2014 22:30

They are most definitely jealous!

itsbetterthanabox · 21/09/2014 22:33

Claiming it's just jealousy is really reductive and child like. Like telling a kid they are bullied because the bullies are jealous it's not true and not helpful.

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2014 22:37

Prior to having DS I weighed just under 9 stone and was 5ft 6.

One guy told me I was 'borderline' between slim and chubby Shock

Purplepoodle · 21/09/2014 22:39

I think that if people are used to you being bigger, loosing weight can make you appear gaunt to family members. This has happened to a few people in my slimming club. Just keep eating healthy and maintain your weight, they will soon adjust to the new looking you.

SaucyJack · 21/09/2014 22:48

9 stone is definitely not anywhere near approaching too thin or skinny on a short person (trust me- I know)

Congrats OP. Ignore the diet saboteurs.

onelastfling · 21/09/2014 22:49

OP, it sounds to me as if you are the correct bmi for your height.

I think that the reason people are saying you are getting too skinny, is because it is VERY unusual to get any slim people these days.
Most people are overweight, so when somebody sees somebody skinny (I prefer Slim), they are shocked.
As an example, the other day I was people watching, as you do. I noticed a high proportion of overweight people lumbering around, to be expected.
But the thing that shocked me was that even the slim people didn't seem that slim! They had fat mid-riffs.
So even the slim people have excess fat (quite worrying really)
We live in strange times.

Well done for reaching your goals.

ArgyMargy · 21/09/2014 22:58

People in this country now have a totally distorted idea of healthy weight. I recently saw a group of about 100 Italian teenagers in our city centre and they were as you would expect - slim, stylish, animated. They were gathered around in little groups waiting to be collected. I spotted just 2 who were obviously chubby. If that had been a group of British teenagers, at least half of them would have been overweight or obese. We are sitting (literally) on a health time bomb.

Lweji · 21/09/2014 23:00

You are still over 1st heavier than me, so you are not skinny in any way. Just normal.

StillSquirrelling · 21/09/2014 23:07

I'm 5'4" and also weigh 9stone. I'm not skinny in the slightest. I'm at a nice healthy weight for my height. If I go below 9st (which hasn't happened since pre three kids!) then people start mentioning my weight.

So, no, YANBU.

NetballHoop · 21/09/2014 23:15

DH is 6 ft and weighs 10 stone which is apparently classified as in the "normal weight" range.

He's also an irritating git who can eat what he wants and not put on weight, but that's another story.

Mmmporridge · 21/09/2014 23:59

I'm 5'8 and my normal weight is 9 stone 8ish, that gives me a BMI of about 20, so no, you are definitely not too skinny! Some ppl just really don't like it when you take control of your life. Good on you for making a change, ignore them!

YouTheCat · 22/09/2014 00:05

You've got to your ideal weight and stopped losing so I don't see the problem. You sound like you have a really healthy attitude towards food.

My doctor advised me to aim for 1-2 pounds a week weight loss if possible. I've lost 1 and a half stones in 3 and a half months.

musicalendorphins2 · 22/09/2014 02:45

No that is not too "skinny", it is about right for your frame.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/09/2014 02:57

DH is 6 ft and weighs 10 stone which is apparently classified as in the "normal weight" range.

That's depressing, I'm 6ft and 11 stone 7.

myusernameis · 22/09/2014 03:12

Hi op, congrats on the weight loss. Sounds like you are at a healthy weight for your size. They may just be concerned because they aren't used to seeing you that way so it's a bit of a shock. Unless they are worried about your eating habits, if you are heavily restricting your diet then I can understand their concerns. If it is a healthy, balanced diet then perhaps you can explain this to them and but their minds at ease.

myusernameis · 22/09/2014 03:13

Put their minds at ease* not but sorry!

Bulbasaur · 22/09/2014 03:19

That's a 23 BMI, on the higher end of a healthy weight. You're golden.

Sometimes when people lose weight and challenge their "status quo" it makes people uncomfortable and they try to sabotage it to keep things the same. If you're making changes to be healthy, it challenges their lifestyle as well. They may not realize they're doing it, or they might. Whether they are truly concerned or not is something only you can tell.

Anyway, I'm trying to motivate myself to start exercising again, so good for you on losing all that weight! :)

GarlicSeptimus · 22/09/2014 03:44

LOVE that website, TalkinPeace! Thanks! It's cheered me up actually - I know I'm borderline obese atm (I don't wobble, I'm 'big') and that it's due to health problems. Several pictures around my height & weight looked pretty much as I think I look, which was reassuring for an ex-anorexic. Best of all, though ... I always think I've got about 5 stones to lose, as that's what I've gained since I looked "slim". So I checked the photos of women at my height & old weight - and, my god, they are THIN! Even in photos (some said they are models.) So, yay, there is no way I need to be that thin! I'd look slim enough if I lost just 2 stones, 3 max. This isn't going to happen any time soon, but just the knowledge has raised a Grin

OP, here's the photo page for your height & weight :)

Fabulassie · 22/09/2014 06:17

"As an example, the other day I was people watching, as you do. I noticed a high proportion of overweight people lumbering around, to be expected.
But the thing that shocked me was that even the slim people didn't seem that slim! They had fat mid-riffs.
So even the slim people have excess fat (quite worrying really)"

onelastfling raises an interesting point. While BMI isn't a very useful tool at all, the waist-to-hip ratio is pretty telling. Fat accumulated on the belly is strongly associated with heart disease and diabetes.

I am one of those women who look skinny but carry weight on my belly. I have to diet and exercise down to the low end of the good BMI scale in order to have a waist-to-hip ratio that isn't classified as having an elevated risk for heart disease and diabetes. My cheekbones stand out quite a bit and my legs and arms are very thin, but there is still a bit of fat on my belly.

Here's an interesting website where you can see women of all shapes, searching by height and weight.

www.mybodygallery.com/search.html

backbystealth · 22/09/2014 06:43

Another 5'2 poster here (there's a lot of us short arses on MN!)... I am currently 10.7lb which not only takes me out of a healthy BMI but I look pretty overweight too.

Nine stone, as others have said, is NOT too 'skinny'. It's perfect for our height and what I am aiming for (again). The lightest I've been is 8.7lb and I looked great and certainly not too thin.

To the poster who said it's misogynistic to say your mum and sister are jealous...maybe, yes and yes it's sad that so many posters have said it's jealousy....but in my experience it is absolutely, definitely true! My overweight MIL mysteriously makes no negative comments on my appearance when I'm fat. But when I lose weight she starts to pick me apart on everything from my weight to my clothes to my hair.

AuntieStella · 22/09/2014 06:52

BMI is fine (unless you are a serious athlete, or have a very physical job like construction).

But it offers little comfort to those who think they look "fine" as it has stayed the same whilst perceptions and sizing have eased.

BMI 23 is a healthy weight. That it's seen by some as too skinny is evidence that appearance is the misleading indicator.

KoalaDownUnder · 22/09/2014 07:06

People in this country now have a totally distorted idea of healthy weight.

I absolutely agree. Also in the US, and Australia, and most other developed countries.

I doubt you are actually 'too skinny'. Ignore them, and be very proud of yourself for improving your health and appearance.

combust22 · 22/09/2014 07:08

You sound fine. I am 9 stone and 5'7" - I am not skinny at all.