To think I am not too skinny?

[WhatALovelySingingVoice]

I used to be quite overweight - at my heaviest I was around 13 stone at 5'2 but over the last year I've been trying really hard to lose weight and I'm now 9 stone.

I really don't think 9 stone at 5'2 is anywhere near too skinny but ever since I've reached this weight a couple of months ago I've been getting comments non-stop about how "skinny" I am.

Last week both my mum and my sister pulled me aside to tell me they were very concerned as I am "wasting away" and they really think I should say a doctor as it's not healthy being "this thin". Then later on that day my sister sent me an e-mail with links to various websites with information about eating disorders, anorexia and the health risks of being underweight with a message saying I really should get checked out . Then yesterday my mum gave me a huge half hour lecture about being too skinny and went on about a TV show she'd seen about people who were too skinny and the effects on their health it was having .

I've also had other comments from other people about how they think I've lost a bit too much, how I looked better this time last year, etc.

But really...I'm not too skinny am I?

Am I being unreasonable or are they?

Didn't you know that the societal pressure (as you put it) to be slim is largely what has caused the obesity epidemic.

Not really. Living in a obesogenic environment (oversupply of calorie dense, highly palatable food) to which we as humans are entirely unsuited is what has caused the obesity epidemic. The fact that most overweight people try to lose weight and fail is hardly surprising IMO, given that the odds are heavily stacked against them, but it's nothing to do with society pressuring us to be thin.

I'm also inclined to agree with Suzanne that if you add up peer pressure to overindulge for pretty much any occasion- "oh go on, one won't hurt. It;s my birthday" plus the huge advertising budgets of the junk food manufacturers, you'd be hard pressed to make a case that there's more pressure to diet than overeat.

sorry, I meant 9 stone is the top end of acceptability

I agree with Aggressive, so many smaller factors when added together is what's created the obesity epidemic.

People trying to diet the weight away again, is just a consequence of that...albeit an unhelpful one because diets really don't tend to work.

Congratulations on losing weight! Ignore your mother and sister, they sound completely ignorant of what is healthy and normal. I suppose by deluding themselves that they're normal, they've convinced themselves that anyone slimmer than them must be anorexic. That's their problem, send them emails from articles on fat people who convince themselves that their obesity is normal sized because everyone around them is equally huge and how their view of normal is distorted by that. Then send them pictures of normal healthy people and leaflets from slimming world with eduational information on how much they would need to lose to be healthy.

Anytime they accuse you of being anorexic, point out that you're in the healthy weight range and they're obese. Tell them you're not going to take advice from ignorant, deluded people and to piss off. Or just cut them out. Don't let them project their mental issues surrounding weight onto you. You have done a fantastic job, keep doing what's right for you.

"Anytime they accuse you of being anorexic, point out that you're in the healthy weight range and they're obese. Tell them you're not going to take advice from ignorant, deluded people and to piss off. Or just cut them out. "

In the absence of any other information about the OP's relationship with her family, I would say this is terrible advice. Good Lord.

yes I know that dieting (as practised by most obese people) is counterproductive, so if dieting is prompted by the pressure to be slim then the pressure to be slim contributes to obesity.

But then we could probably constructive a valid argument to support the theory that pretty much everything about modern life contributes to obesity.

...and that leads us back to the concept of an 'obesogenic environment' mentioned by AggressiveBunting

Parental obesity is also a big factor in ongoing obesity problems I think.

Kids tend to follow the examples they see, rather than the examples they're told to follow. You can tell your kids to eat healthily and exercise until you're blue in the face, but if you're not doing it yourself then it's unlikely that message will hit home hard enough.

If all a young person has to compare themselves to is overweight parents/siblings/school teachers/medical staff etc, they're never really going to see themselves as anything other than a healthy weight...even when the reality might be rather different.

There is huge societal pressure on healthily sized people to eat more, Suzanne is absolutely right. There is no societal pressure to be slim - nobody would dream of saying to someone who is overweight 'don't eat that cake' but cake is routinely pressed on people who are not overweight - and refusal apparently often causes offence. Anyone who thinks there is no societal pressure to eat poorly is living in a dreamworld. Saying you don't like, or can't eat, cake is tantamount to heresy these days.

Thank you Rabbit!
over-consumption is decidedly de rigueur
obese is the new fat
fat is the new normal
slim is the new dangerously underweight
paradigm shift

There is no societal pressure to be slim

Are you having a giraffe?

Tell that to the two 13 year olds I know who are diagnosed anorexics.

Ha! You wouldn't know what box to put me in then Rabbit. I'd refuse the cake and I'm fat, can you imagine such a thing?!

Its their image of you. Are you all as a family a bit chunky? Is so your "norm" may be bigger than other people who might see stick thin as normal and healthy.

I remember my friend constantly worrying when I was normal weight her "norm" was 10-15 lbs overweight.

Smile and nod and don't give it a second thought!

The thing that really fascinates me about the 'real bodies' websites linked above, is the huge variation in shape & size of people whose height & weight are the same. I still think you have to look at the overall appearance of your body, rather than rigidly adhering to BMI. There are so many influencing factors from genetics, through musculature & skeleton, to age & metabolic health.

I also still reckon you're too fat if you wobble when you walk or can't cross your legs due to their size. Excluding those markers, the rest is a mixture of other factors & perception.

Mintyy - I expect you know far more obese people. I certainly do.

If you are, as you claim, fat, then you won't have experienced the massive societal pressure on healthy/slim people to just get with the programme and eat more to make others feel better about themselves. That is what the OP is experiencing, and that is what most healthy/slim people experience on a daily basis. If I had had a piece of cake for every time someone had told me I'm 'too thin' or will 'waste away'...then people wouldn't be saying those things, that's for sure. I know larger people have their own pressures (DH is overweight) but that's not what the OP is experiencing form her family.

Mintyy But actually the links between media pressure and anorexia are not that strong. Anorexia is about establishing and exerting control, not about wanting to be thin per se. Anyway, the number of anorexics is minuscule compared to the number of obese people.

FWIW I do agree with you that there is societal pressure from the media for women to be thin, but how that compares to the encouragement from immediate peers and advertisers to overeat, I'd say it's less all pervasive, unless you read a lot of glossy mags.

Can we get one more thing straight while we're on the subject:

To gain 5lb in one year, you need to overeat by 47 calories per day.

In 5 years you have gained 25lb.

A small person like me could go from being normal bmi to obese from carrying an extra 25lb.

Some of you are buying into the Katie Hopkins "all fat people stuff themselves with chips and chocolate all day" school of thought.

Daft assumption.

Why do all anorexics start off with trying to lose a bit of weight then? Can you explain that to me?

The point that she pulled chicken and kale out of your fridge and pronounced it a problem is the point you needed to give up. You could look at your BMI chart and point out how much weight you could technically still lose and still be a healthy weight. You could do a BMI calculator in front of her. Or you could smile, nod and ignore. They're raining on your parade because they've been convincing themselves weight loss is impossible and you've proved then wrong. They don't like it. But it's not your problem.

I am just a bit taller than the OP and weight a full stone less.
And I'm perfectly healthy, although skinny and with light bone structure.

the massive societal pressure on healthy/slim people to just get with the program and eat more to make others feel better about themselves
^^I think that sums it up exactly
an observation that a friend/relative/co worker has lost weight is so often made with obvious dismay

Minty, I was verging on anorexia in my teens and I never did that. My mother died and I lost my appetite. My father couldn't really cook and I got used to eating very little and found I liked it. I shrunk and shrunk and wasn't hungry and the lack of food was the one thing I controlled.

I have been overweight or obese ever since, or at least until very recently, when I finally got to the very top of normal after completely changing how I've eaten all my life. But my thinness was nothing to do with 'dieting'.

Why do all anorexics start off with trying to lose a bit of weight then? Can you explain that to me?

Because it's something they can control. When you're a minor, most things are out of your control but you can control eating. Plus it involves discipline and regime, which tend to be attractive ideas to people who are typically high performers/ perfectionists by nature.

Why do all anorexics start off with trying to lose a bit of weight then

its one thing they can control, they find they are good at it and it becomes compulsive, I dont see how anorexia is all that relevant here?

Not anorexic but disordered eating. It's never about losing weight for me, it's about control, and also shitty comments off people for years
I see a "binge" as 3 biscuits, then berate myself and won't eat for the rest of the day. Or get a comment and just stop eating or over exercise