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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am not too skinny?

247 replies

WhatALovelySingingVoice · 21/09/2014 20:16

I used to be quite overweight - at my heaviest I was around 13 stone at 5'2 but over the last year I've been trying really hard to lose weight and I'm now 9 stone.

I really don't think 9 stone at 5'2 is anywhere near too skinny but ever since I've reached this weight a couple of months ago I've been getting comments non-stop about how "skinny" I am.

Last week both my mum and my sister pulled me aside to tell me they were very concerned as I am "wasting away" and they really think I should say a doctor as it's not healthy being "this thin". Then later on that day my sister sent me an e-mail with links to various websites with information about eating disorders, anorexia and the health risks of being underweight with a message saying I really should get checked out Confused. Then yesterday my mum gave me a huge half hour lecture about being too skinny and went on about a TV show she'd seen about people who were too skinny and the effects on their health it was having Confused.

I've also had other comments from other people about how they think I've lost a bit too much, how I looked better this time last year, etc.

But really...I'm not too skinny am I?

Am I being unreasonable or are they?

OP posts:
TalkinPeace · 21/09/2014 21:05

OP
I am 3 inches taller than you and weigh the same as you - pic on my profile. I do not believe I am underweight.

THIS website
www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.html
is really, really good for putting heights, weights and frame shapes into perspective

WorraLiberty · 21/09/2014 21:07

If you "look" too thin, you are too thin.

That ^^ doesn't even make sense.

If you look to thin to who? If it's to your doctor, then possibly yes. If it's to a random person or a person with a skewed opinion of thin, then no.

augustusglupe · 21/09/2014 21:08

At 5ft 2 and 9 stone there is no way on earth the OP is 'wasting away'!! I'd love to know how heavy mother and sister are!

PuppyMouse · 21/09/2014 21:09

OP I smiled reading your post as I was in your shoes before having my daughter. After being big my whole life, I went from just under 14st to 9 st 10 and had a lot of scared and negative comments from a lot of friends and family. I did struggle to be laid back about food having dieted for 18months to get there but my Dad was the only one who supported me.

I gained a lot with my pregnancy and am working on losing it (3.5st gone, 2 to go Confused) and have been told "don't get all anorexicky again" by my Mum and "you look so much better with meat on your bones. Not like at your wedding." Hmm by MiL. I have tried to point out 9st 10 is a perfectly healthy weight for my height (5" 7) but I think people get so used to seeing you at a heavier weight they panic to see such a change and assume it isn't "right". Plus I assume some of it is jealousy.

The main thing is that YOU are happy and feel well and can maintain it and be healthy. You alone will know how comfortable you are with yourself. I'm sure you look fab Wink

gentlehoney · 21/09/2014 21:11

" If you "look" too thin, you are too thin.

Don't agree! I'm taller than the OP and weigh 9 stone. Some people think I'm too thin, others don't. Who's right? Don't think you can make a decision based on looking at someone"

Calla, this illustrates my point exactly. If someone has a large frame the BMI chart might say they are a healthy weight but they could have no fat layer at all and so be much too thin. (and vice versa)
I am sure you are absolutely fine if you feel and look healthy.

gentlehoney · 21/09/2014 21:14

Worra, yes. I am thinking of a professional rather than a random busybody.

MrRabbitsUtopia · 21/09/2014 21:17

Don't have time to read and see if anyone else has said this but just because you are not medically underweight doesn't mean that you don't have eating issues. There are other indictaors such as talking about food a lot, losing weight quickly, cutting out particular foods or food groups and avoiding social food situations. Your family could be worried if they have seen any of these symptoms.

Anorexia crept up on me and started as a 'health kick' that gained power and took over. I'm sure they're just looking out for you. As long as you are sure you are fine then they will get used to your new shape soon enough.

WorraLiberty · 21/09/2014 21:18

But even then gentlehoney, I'm sure a professional wouldn't base their opinion on looks alone?

TheRealMaryMillington · 21/09/2014 21:19

I think it might depend on a few things, like how quickly the weight has come off; whether you are now eating sensibly or not, and what sort of frame you are. It might just be the contrast with your heavier self, or you might be a wee bit gaunt.

MrsWolowitz · 21/09/2014 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saltnpepa · 21/09/2014 21:23

They want you to stay the person you were and are threatened by the person you are becoming. Keep going in the direction you want to and be mindful that not everyone wants what is best for others.

Thomyorke · 21/09/2014 21:31

When I have lost weight in the past l tend too lose too much in the face and had the "too skinny" after a few months I seem to stabalise. It is not just about height I am 5 3 but even at my lowest weight my hips are 36 inches build is an important as height.

Littlebluebutterflies · 21/09/2014 21:32

OP you sound absolutely fine.

A number of years ago I lost 5 stones. While most people just said nice things, some people especially 2 particular family members found it really difficult. In my case there were 2 things going on:

I looked dramatically different ie people would walk passed me in the street if I didn't say hi and it took lots of people a while to re calibrate their internal image of what 'Blue' looks like. So every time they saw me it was a shock.

Two particular family members were very overweight and they took my losing weight, politely declining biscuits, cake etc as a personal criticism of their diet. Now I wasn't a diet bore or diet evangelist so it wasn't that but they were more comfortable with me being fat as it reinforced their world view that it's ok to be overweight and that it's impossible to lose it. They went as far as ordering me cake in cafés after I had said I didn't want it and then being offended when I refused (politely) to eat it. ShockAngry

In the end everyone just got used to the new me.

Your Mum should not be going through your fridge though - that's extremely rude.

Suzannewithaplan · 21/09/2014 21:34

If I'm honest my mum and sister are both overweight too, but don't know how that would matter

you've broken ranks and they look like a pair of porkers by comparison

mimishimmi · 21/09/2014 21:38

YANBU. I used to get this when I was an exchange student in the U.S when I was the same weight (2 inches taller). It was surprising because I was decidedly average in my home country for my age and height but I was made to feel glamorously thin in Massachusetts. It's because being big is so normal that even the average size seems unattainable. I gained 15lbs there ....Hmm

manicinsomniac · 21/09/2014 21:39

You're definitely not too thin and it sounds like you have transformed your life, are perfectly healthy and deserve every congratulation and encouragement.

However, without knowing you and hearing the other side of the story it's impossible to say if you have lost the weight healthily and have a healthy attitude to food. It's entirely possible to be eating disordered and very ill without being underweight. I'm not saying you are! Just that it's theoretically possible for your family to have cause for concern even though your weight is healthy.

But, to all intents and purposes, you are right and they are wrong. I'm only an inch shorter than you and almost three stone lighter. Now I am anorexic but only mildly - I can function normally and almost pass for normal. You would have to lose an awful lot more weight for people's worry to be justified on weight alone.

gentlehoney · 21/09/2014 21:42

Worra, absolutely right, But if someone clearly has no fat at all it usually indicates a problem, yet the charts can give a false reassurance.

Unfortunately BMI is still used as part of the diagnosis for eating disorders and its ineffectiveness means that many people are denied treatment. It is very frustrating, but the problem has recently been acknowledged.

(This is nothing to do with the OP, who is clearly healthy and slim)

Mintyy · 21/09/2014 21:42

I am 5'2" and when I weighed a shade under 9 stone (a long, long time ago) I was a size 14. Admittedly an early 1980s size 14 - which I believe would be a 10 now - but absolutely positively definitely not skinny.

lem73 · 21/09/2014 21:46

I had the same problem several years ago when I lost two stone. I had no idea how bitchy women could be until then. However I felt so much better in myself I didn't care. Well done to you. A lot of people don't have the discipline to diet and your success reminds them of that.

cassgate · 21/09/2014 21:48

Not too thin. I am the same height, 8st and a size 8. I lost 2st over the course of 12 months. It took a while for people to get used to it. Initially I had comments that I was too thin but now I think people think I look ok as I have maintained the same weight for 18 months now so they can see I have not taken it too far. If you are happy then don't worry about other people's comments.

gentlehoney · 21/09/2014 21:51

manicinsomniac, I am so pleased to hear that you are managing to live with the illness. . It takes a hell of a lot of guts and determination to stay well, and I wish you strength and happiness.

WorraLiberty · 21/09/2014 21:52

I'm an inch taller than the OP and weigh about 8st 3lbs

No-one has ever said they think I look too skinny. Maybe that's because I've been around the same weight for about 12 years, so they have nothing else to compare it to?

I do honestly think they need to get used to the sudden change, before they can see you for how you really are, and not as how they think you are.

JLucky · 21/09/2014 21:56

Congratulations on losing the weight. I don't think you are "too skinny" - have a look online for the healthy weight range for your height.
Are your mum and sister overweight? If so, maybe you could go along to that doctors appointment with them and have the doc explain to them about healthy weight and maybe advise them.

ScarlettlovesRhett · 21/09/2014 22:02

Their perception of how you should be (how you've always been?), isn't what they're seeing now - their minds haven't adjusted and got used to how you are now - that's why you're 'too skinny' to them.

So long as you are eating well and getting exercise and feel happy then you are perfectly fine - if you have to behave in an unnatural way to remain that weight then it is too low for your body (vomiting, excessive/obsessive exercise with ridiculously low calories).
It sounds like you've done it all the right way though, and your body has found its natural balance.

Congrats on the weight loss - you've achieved an amazing result!

WitchWay · 21/09/2014 22:10

It's jealousy & as desire to keep you overweight like them

I'm a couple of inches taller than you & a couple of pounds lighter. I'm slim but certainly not skinny although my fat mum says at my age 49 it's not flattering to be too thin* I have been the same weight all my adult life, except while pregnant.